“And what did you tell Ivan?”
“Nothing. He cornered me and wanted to know who the father was, but I couldn’t tell him. I was terrified. Part of me still loved Fox in an irrational way, because I’d known him my entire life—a man who was as close to me as an uncle. I was confused and torn, not to mention humiliated. One day my father led me out to the field with my horse and held a gun to her head. He said if I didn’t give him a name, he’d shoot her.”
My lower lip quivered and I swallowed down the guilt.
“That beautiful mare died because of me. He tried to question everyone in the pack, and Fox stood behind him, so he never suspected a thing. Soon it was time for me to have the baby, but he wouldn’t allow me to keep it. My father said it would be a reminder to every man in the pack that I was a whore. He never knew I was forced, Lorenzo. He thought I’d lain with a man willingly and I was lying to protect him. It’s probably for the best, because he would have never recovered from that secret. It would have driven him mad.”
Lorenzo glanced at an arrowhead necklace on the small table beside his bed. “What happened to the child?”
“A few months after I turned seventeen, the Relic delivered a baby boy. At first they didn’t want me to see him, but when my mother left the room to tell my father it was over, the Relic slipped him into my arms for a good-bye. I never believed in love at first sight until I laid eyes on my baby. Oh, Lorenzo… he was so beautiful.”
I grimaced and threw my head back, closing my eyes as the pain threatened to steal me away. My beautiful baby boy. I remembered how I’d kissed his fingers and stroked his chubby cheeks as he wailed and shook in my arms.
“I only had moments, so I told the Relic his name. I’m sure wherever he is now, he goes by something else, but I’d hoped maybe he’d keep his name and someday I’d be able to find him. She wrapped him in a swaddling cloth and took him away. No one saw the baby, not my father and especially not Fox.”
“And now he wants the child?”
I laughed somberly. “Fox never wanted children, let alone his own child. That man feels no love. The only thing he feels is envy. What you heard earlier wasn’t Fox threatening to steal my baby. He was threatening to kill him. I don’t know if he knows where Lakota is, but I have to stop him, whether that means killing him or going to him. I can’t make a foolish assumption that Fox won’t follow through with it. He would do it out of spite. That mare died because I sacrificed something I loved for someone I didn’t. I won’t make that same mistake again. I may not know my child, but I love him. I will always love him, even if we never meet in this life.”
“How long ago was that?”
I looked wistfully out the window. “He’ll be five this winter. Sometimes I try to imagine what he looks like, what he’s doing right now. Maybe he’s sitting in front of a warm fire, playing with toy horses and pretending a great battle is unfolding before his eyes and that he’s the warrior who will save his pack. Lakota wasn’t born an alpha, but I know he has a strong spirit. He’ll be second-in-command if he joins a pack. I just know it.”
“Why haven’t you looked for him since moving here?”
I leaned forward and sighed, watching the ends of my braid unravel. “It’s not meant to be.”
“Do you even know where he could be? Shifters rarely give away children. Some end up in orphanages, but others go on the black market. Who was the Relic who delivered him?”
“Please, Lorenzo. I’ve lived long enough with those kinds of worries in my head, and they don’t do me any good. It would be impossible for me to find him. But if Fox finds him… I have to go home tomorrow first thing.”
“Agreed.”
I glanced at Lorenzo’s feet. He had nice, strong feet for a man. And he’d set them flat on the ground, never fidgeting or moving them around as a man unsure of himself would. Every quality about him I found attractive—the kind of man I would choose if the choice were mine.
“Do you think I’ll ever find a mate?” I asked in a soft breath. “Be honest. Could a man love me knowing that I’ve had another man’s child? Maybe love is too much to ask, but I don’t want to turn away from my heart. It wants so much to love, and I can’t let Fox steal that away from me.”
“I think… I think you are a noble woman. Strong. Stubborn. Opinionated.”
“And those are compliments?”
He chuckled. “You just proved my point. A good mate would want to pass these traits on to his sons.”
“Or daughters,” I added. “The world doesn’t just revolve around men.”