“The question that’s been on both of our minds but neither of us has addressed. What place do I have in your life? Where does a woman like me fit? Now that you’ve seen my child and have already judged me for leaving him—”
“In what way did I judge you?”
“Don’t patronize me,” I said, shaking my head. “You’re not a man who thinks with his heart, so how can I expect you to understand the choices I make?”
The heavy smell of pancakes filled the air as the waitress briskly walked by with someone’s order. Lorenzo refilled his coffee cup and stirred in some sugar. “I don’t understand your decision and that’s why I asked about it.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
After another few bites of my sandwich, I felt compelled to explain it to him. I didn’t know if he would understand, because I myself didn’t. “If I took Lakota back, it would bring bad karma and loose evil spirits. My love for him is infinite, and my heart will always be divided. One half will mourn for his absence, and the other will soar for his happiness. I will always question if what I did was right, but someday I’ll find the answer when he’s a grown man and we can sit down at a table like this over a cup of coffee and talk about it. Lakota is the only one who can judge me, and whatever sentencing he imposes is what I deserve. But I will not accept that sentence from any other man.”
Lorenzo pressed his finger against the table. “And this is why I protect the young women of my pack—the ones who are reaching the age of maturity. Soon they’ll leave the pack to join another family, but I still keep an eye on them even though I trust the men in my house.”
“Do they?”
He frowned. “Do they what?”
“Do the women in your pack trust those men? My father trusted Fox with his eyes closed, but early on, I can remember Fox saying and doing things that made me uncomfortable. You don’t have a mate to lead the household and keep that kind of balance, so perhaps you should talk to those women. I don’t know that they’d open up to a Packmaster about thoughts of that nature like they would to another woman. It’s important that you make sure their needs are heard, because they are half your home. Your reluctance to mate could hurt your pack in the long run.”
He chuckled and lifted his fork again. “You seem concerned about finding me a mate.”
I sat back and sighed. “I’ll be honest with you, Lorenzo. I don’t want to be courted. The kind of man I desire is one who knows his heart and doesn’t doubt it.”
“And yours?”
“I know what I want.”
He tilted his head to the side and licked the corner of his mouth. “And yet you don’t reveal it.”
“I can’t give one piece of myself to a man who doubts me. You’re a two-sided coin, Lorenzo. One half admires me and the other half questions himself. I don’t want a man who hesitates, who withdraws from showing his feelings in a public way, or who will act as my judge and jury. Love is irrelevant among mated couples if they don’t respect each other. Love shouldn’t come with conditions. Show me all you have to offer, and I will tell you what my heart feels or doesn’t feel.”
“Now? Here in the International House of Pancakes?” He sat back with a look of disdain.
“I’d rather finish my sandwich and get some sleep. We’re almost home. I don’t want you to say anything on a whim, and I’m certain that once you return to your pack, your mind will begin to analyze why I don’t fit into your life. I’m not judging you, but I want you to be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others. Now eat your eggs.”
“I’ll eat my eggs when I’m hungry.”
I shrugged lightly and continued eating. “Then let them get cold.”
He rubbed his eye in frustration and grabbed his fork. “You are a cantankerous woman sometimes.”
“If you say so, Thunder.”