“But the effects will pass, won’t they? As they did on Aslevjal?”
“I think so. I already told you that.” Not the time to tell him what such a healing might cost me. “You’ve improved remarkably since Ash gave you the dragon’s blood. Perhaps your vision will come back on its own. How is the pain?”
“Much less. I can still feel my body … changing. It’s healing but the repairs are changes as much as restoration. Ash has told me that my eyes look different. And my skin.”
“You look more Elderling,” I said honestly. “It’s not unattractive.”
His expression brightened with surprise. He lifted his hands to his face and touched the smoothed skin then. “Vanity,” he rebuked himself, and I think we were both surprised when we laughed.
“This is what I would like you to do,” I proposed. “I would like you to eat, and rest, and continue to get better. And when you feel you are ready, and only then, I assure you, I’d like to see you moving about Buckkeep Castle. Discovering pleasure in life again. Eating good food, listening to music. Going outside even.”
“No.” He spoke softly but forcefully.
I softened my tone. “When you are ready, I said. And with me at your side—”
“No,” he said more harshly. He pulled himself up straight. When he spoke, his voice was judgmental, almost cold. “No, Fitz. Do not coddle me. They took our child. And they destroyed her. And I cower and weep at the change of a room. I have no courage, but it does not matter. Being blind does not matter. I came here sightless, and if I must go sightless to kill them, then I must. Fitz. We must go to Clerres and we must kill them all.” He set his hands flat and calm on the table before him.
I clenched my teeth. “Yes,” I promised him in a low voice. I found I was as calm as he was. “Yes. I will kill them. For all of us.” I leaned closer and tapped the table as I walked my hand toward him. I took his thin hand in mine. He flinched but did not jerk away. “But I would not go to that task with a dull blade. It makes no sense to take to that task a man who is still recovering from grievous injuries. So hearken to me. We prepare. I have things to do, and so do you. Find your health and your courage will come back to you. Begin to move about Buckkeep Castle. Think who you will be. Lord Golden again?”
A faint smile hovered. “I wonder if his creditors are still as angry as they were when I fled.”
“I’ve no idea. Shall I find out?”
“No. No, I think I shall have to invent a new role for myself.” He paused. “Oh, Fitz. What of Chade? What has befallen him, and what will you do without him? I know you had counted on his help. In truth, I had counted on his help in this.”
“I hope he will recover, and that we will not have to do without him.” I tried to speak heartily and with optimism. The dismay on the Fool’s face only deepened.
“I wish I could go and visit him.”
I was surprised. “You can. You should. Perhaps tomorrow, we can go together.”
He shook his head wildly. His pale hair had grown a bit longer but did not have enough substance to lie down, and the slight motion made it wave about. “No. I can’t. Fitz, I can’t.” He took a deep breath. He stared at me, misery written on his face. Reluctantly he added, “And so I must. I know I must begin. Soon.”
I replied slowly, “Indeed, you must.” I waited calmly.
“Tomorrow,” he said at last. “Tomorrow we will go together to visit Chade.” He took a deep breath. “And now I am off to bed.”
“No,” I said pleasantly. “It isn’t night and as I’ve nothing to do right now, I’m determined that you will stay awake and talk with me.” I walked over to the curtained and shuttered windows. I drew back the drapery and then opened wide the old-fashioned internal shutters. Winter daylight streamed in through the thick, whorled glass. “It’s a wild day out there. Storm over the water is blowing the spray and every wave is tipped with white.”
He rose and took slow, careful steps, his hand groping the air before him. He felt for me, then linked his arm through mine and stared out sightlessly. “I can see light. And I feel the chill off the glass. I remember this view.” He suddenly smiled. “The wall is sheer below this window, is it not?”
“It is. Unclimbable.” I stood there until he suddenly sighed and I felt some of the tension leave him. An idea came to me. “Do you remember my foster son, Hap?”
“I never knew him well, but I recall him.”
“He has come to Buckkeep. To mourn Bee. I have not had much time with him, indeed I’ve scarcely spoken to him. I’ve a mind to ask him to sing for me tonight. Some of the old songs and some of Bee’s favorites.”
“Music can be very easing to pain.”
“I’m going to ask him to come here.”
His arm tightened on mine. After a moment, he said faintly, “Very well.”
“And perhaps Kettricken would join us.”