When I drifted back to earth, I cried out as my body shook from smaller orgasms still ripping through it, his eyes watched me intensely, angrily. "That’s the difference between me mind-fucking you and your body needing release. I suggest you never forget the two Syn, or I will gladly remind you of the difference."
I blinked at him, unable to make my lips work now that he’d released me from his spell. Angry tears exploded from my eyes flowing down my cheeks. I turned away from him, forcing him to move his face from mine. He moved away completely, standing up and marching to the door where he opened it and held it there with his eyes still hungrily on me.
I sat up swallowing the sob that threatened to steal from my lips as I tried to make my legs work for a hasty retreat. I moved past him in quick angry strides and continued down the hall until I heard his door slam closed.
My knees gave out the minute it did. On my hands and knees on the thickly carpeted floor I sobbed. I had been so stupid. I’d just baited a fucking beast in his own domain and then I'd lashed out at him because of my own traitorous body’s reaction. I'd blamed him for my response he brought out, the inner wanton that I'd starved since Adrian had died.
I was out of my league with Ryder, over my head in the deep end without going through swimming lessons first. I inhaled and exhaled before holding the wall to help myself up off the floor and made my way back to my room through the maze of hallways that led to the top floor of the mansion.
Inside my room I'd cry, I'd berate myself for being stupid and then I'd go find Ryder and apologize because I had been wrong. I'd blamed him and I wasn’t the type to not admit when I'd wrongly accused someone. And I had, as much as it sucked to admit it. I'd been mad at myself for reacting. I'd known the difference before he'd shown me.
When I reached my room, it was to find Larissa and Adam both waiting for me. Their eyes bugging out at the outfit I wore. "I think I got the job," I whispered grabbing clothes from the dresser without looking either of them in the eye and headed for the oversized bathroom before either could figure out I had been crying.
Inside the bathroom I clicked the lock into place and slid down the door only to jump as Adam pounded on the door I was leaning against.
"Syn, are you okay?" He shouted as if I couldn’t hear him.
"I'm fine," I said not bothering to raise my voice.
"Yeah? Then why is my bullshit meter going off?" He retorted angrily.
"Adam, I just need a few minutes." And then what? Tell them what I'd just done? That I had just come all over Ryder's jeans like some FIZ slut?
Larissa knocked next. "Syn, can I come in?"
"Seriously guys, I'm fine. I freaked out because he's Fae. We knew it was a possibility, it just happened. I just need a shower and then can we go get some dinner?" I held my breath hoping they'd take the not so subtle hint to get lost.
"Is it because of Adrian?" Larissa continued.
I didn’t answer. I hadn't even thought about him while I'd been dry humping Ryder. I'd loved Adrian with everything I had to give, so why had I been so easily tempted by Ryder with no thought to my first and only love when he was around?
I'd tried dating last year, but I'd compared the poor guy to Adrian in everything, which had eventually made the guy break it off. No one deserved to have to listen to a person they were interested in discuss their dead ex-boyfriend. I was pathetic which was why I had sworn off dating and sex altogether.
I lifted my head taking in the huge rounded tub, it would easily fit as many people as a hot tub would, I'd had yet to use it since I was more accustomed to showering since the Guild had open shower rooms, one for the boys and the other for the girls.
I pushed up off the floor setting the clothes I'd brought in on the wooden vanity beside the sink. This bathroom was larger than my entire room in our crummy little apartment, but as crummy as my room was, it had become my home. I needed to get back to it and back to being the self-assured person I normally was.
Here, I was at Ryder's mercy and he knew it, which made him dangerous. It made me weak and reckless not being in charge of own destiny, or my covens. The sooner I got done with this little charade he wanted me to do—the sooner I could get back to being myself.
Eighteen
Showered and redressed in my own clothes I felt more reasonable. I headed out to find Ryder before I met up with Adam and Larissa for dinner so I could apologize. I'd found his Demon walking the halls as if patrolling and asked where I could find his master, which he'd replied growling something about "fucking Witches and fucking office."