I woke up the next morning and almost yelled out with my first movement. My body was filled with the aches of having avoided the T?uha for so long. I shifted my weight in Ilyan’s arms and my back seized, the muscles calling out in protest.
I knew I couldn’t wait any longer to go into the T?uha, but I was still scared – more so after last night’s dream. Dramin had told me to wait to talk to Ilyan about breaking the bond until after I had decided what course to take, but I didn’t know how much more time I could wait. I needed to talk to someone.
It scared me the way Ryland had begged me to break the Z?lství, begged for me to do it right then. And then there was Cail.
Cail lived off of his taunts, his torture, but he hadn’t even hesitated before killing me. The lack of his usual games made my teeth clench.
I shuddered at the memory, my heart rate accelerating in an unhealthy way.
I rolled over again, turning to face Ilyan. I moved the hair that had fallen over his face, his mouth slightly open in his sleep as usual.
I knew what I had to do, as much as I didn’t want to. As much as it hurt, I needed to break the connection. I needed Ryland; at least I thought I did. Ryland had protected me as I was growing up. He had loved me and taught me how to love when I wasn’t sure I knew how to anymore. He protected me from his Father and used his body to shield me, and now he was trying to protect me by breaking the connection.
I loved him more than I ever thought I could love someone. That’s why it hurt so much every time he asked me to break the connection. I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose the last normal thing from my old life.
But I wasn’t normal anymore, and I had changed. I had grown stronger and more confident than I had ever felt.
I think I knew I had to break the last connection to the old me, no matter how much it hurt to say it. And once that connection was broken, I would be free. Free from the torment. Free to become what I was born to be.
The Siln?.
“For it is only by your side that she can find her true purpose, that she will find the strength to kill those that would end the magic of the world.” I whispered the words of the sight to myself, the sight that told of me, and what I was born to do.
I knew it was true. And although part of me shattered at the thought, I knew it needed to be done.
I needed to break the connection.
“Ilyan,” I said his name loud enough for him to hear me, my hand still on his bare chest.
His eyes opened sleepily, blinking a few times before he fully registered where he was.
“Jos,” he sighed, his voice heavy. He reached up and placed his hand over mine pushing it into his scared chest.
“No nightmares?” He was so hopeful, I only smiled and shook my head. After all, that would be the last one.
“I am so glad.” He freed my hand from his chest to pull me into him. I cringed at the pain the movement and pressure caused me. He stopped immediately, his magic flaring abruptly as he searched through my body. He looked at me alarmed and I knew he had found something.
“I’m scared, Ilyan,” I whispered, my voice as weak as my body felt.
He leaned over to me and gently kissed my forehead, his lips soft against my skin.
“I will be here the entire time, Joclyn. Be quick.” I smiled at him and nodded. When I got back I would tell him. I would need strength to break the Z?lství anyway.
I pulled the necklace out from under my shirt and pushed my magic into it before leaning into Ilyan’s chest and letting his arms wrap around me.
I closed my eyes only to open them to the same dilapidated kitchen and instantly started hyperventilating. Cail stood right before me. His face was pulled into a wicked grin, his eyes blacker then I had ever seen them.
The dark eyed man.
“Why hello, Joclyn,” he said. “You don’t seem happy to see me.”
I stared at him, unsure of what to say.
“What are you doing here?” His twisted joy grew at my fear.
“Why, Joclyn, isn’t it obvious I’ve been here all along.” He smirked and stepped forward, causing me to step back instinctively. My foot hit the table leg and I stopped, trapped, as he continued to move forward.
“I was here when Ryland showed you the Vil?, I was the one who told him that you didn’t want him, and I was the one that took away the pretty overcoat Ryland had given this place.” He gestured around him to the rotting kitchen, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of him.
“For the last three months I have slowly brought you into Ryland’s mind. This is what your mate’s mind truly looks like: destroyed, rotten, forgotten. There is no love here, which is why you don’t belong here.”
He continued to move toward me, but I couldn’t move. The memories and fear of every encounter with him weighed me down.