One creature is a pale, cone-headed humanoid whose cranium pops open sporadically so she can argue with a smaller version of herself. Next, the smaller version’s cranium opens to reveal an even littler likeness. The tiniest one is a male with a large nose. He bonks his female counterparts with a teensy rolling pin before hiding away again. It’s like watching a nightmarish nesting-doll version of Punch and Judy, a vintage puppet show I studied during drama class at school.
Two other passengers are pixies, and I wonder if they were part of the group I met last year in Wonderland’s cemetery. They look different without their miner’s caps: bald, scaly heads with tufts of silvery hair. A plastic bag rattles between them as they take turns tossing peanuts at the cone-headed creature, inciting more arguments.
The pixies’ long tails twitch and their spider-monkey faces twist to studious expressions as I meet their silver gazes. They have no pupils or irises, and their eyelids blink vertically like theater curtains.
They whisper to one another as I cup a hand over my nose to stifle the rotten meat stench oozing in silvery slime from their hides.
“Alice, sparkly talkeress,” one says in a breathy voice as I come within hearing distance. “No ostlay isthay times?”
The dialect is an odd mix of pig latin and nonsense. He wants to know if I’m lost this time.
“Not Alice, stupidess,” the other shushes before I can answer. “And only thinkers ostlay here. Thinkers and omentsmays.”
I continue down the aisle, too absorbed in my problems to engage.
The beetle conductor scribbles something on a clipboard while chatting with the last three passengers. These are round and fluffy, with eyes affixed to tall, fuzzy stems that look more like rabbit ears than eye sockets. They watch as I pass, their pupils dilating with each rotation of their ears.
The fattest one sneezes in answer to a question the conductor asks, and a cloud of dirt puffs up from its fur.
“Blasted dust bunnies,” the beetle bellows, and drags a vacuum cleaner from a holster at his waist, proceeding to suck the dirt from his carpeted hide.
I settle in an unoccupied row up front and hunch down by a window, waiting for the conductor. He was supposed to check on something—lost memories I need to see. They’re not mine. I’ll be spying on someone else’s missing moments.
Mom felt guilty for visiting Dad’s lost memories behind his back. Her wisdom makes me cautious. But the one whose mind I’ll be violating doesn’t deserve my respect. She’s vicious and vengeful. She almost stole my body, and has managed to tear apart my life and most of Wonderland’s landscapes.
Morpheus always says that everyone has a weakness. If he were here, he would tell me to find hers, so when I face her again I can crush her.
I intend to do just that.
The carpet beetle’s vacuum whines, muffling the arguing, sneezing, and shushing going on around me. I lean back and look up at the chandeliers made of fireflies—each half the size of my arm—bound together by brass harnesses and chains. The glowing insects dip and dive, painting brushstrokes of yellow light across the red velvet walls. I tilt my head and stare out the window. More firefly fixtures illuminate the darkness, rolling across the tunnel’s ceiling like glittery Ferris wheels.
I suppress a yawn. I’m exhausted, but too keyed up to close my eyes. I can’t seem to settle in time and place. Just yesterday, I was at a table in the asylum’s sun-filled courtyard, tricking my dad into eating a mushroom that would shrink him. That seems like an eternity ago, but not nearly as long as it’s been since I’ve hugged Mom . . . argued with Morpheus . . . kissed Jeb. I miss Mom’s scent, how she smells after working in the garden—like overturned soil and flowers. I miss the way Morpheus’s jeweled eye markings flit through a rainbow of emotions when he challenges me, and I miss the arrested expression Jeb always used to wear when he painted.
The littlest things I once took for granted have become priceless treasures.
My stomach growls. Dad and I didn’t have breakfast, and my body tells me it’s lunchtime. I tuck my hand into the apron tied over my stiff, mud-caked hospital gown and roll the remaining mushrooms between my fingers. I’m hungry enough to consider eating one but won’t. The magic within that made us small enough to ride butterflies will make us big once we’re done here. I need to preserve them.
My outline reflects back from the windowpane: blue gown, white apron, frazzled blond hair with a streak of crimson down one side.
The first pixie was right. I’m the epitome of Alice.
A nightmare Alice.
An Alice gone mad, who thirsts for blood.
When I find Queen Red, she’ll beg me to stop at her head.
I snort at the silly rhyme, then sober as the beetle turns off his vacuum attachment. He straightens his black conductor hat and hobbles over on two of his six twiggy legs. The other two sets serve as arms, cradling a clipboard.
“Well?” I ask, looking up at him.
“I found three memories. From long ago, when she was young and unmarried. Before she was”—he looks around and lowers his voice to a whisper—“queen.”