“I guess I can see your point. Still…you shouldn’t have to be alone.”
Just the fact he cared touched her heart. “I’m used to being alone, Gryphon. I’ve been alone a long time. Love is nice, but it’s fleeting. I know for a fact it doesn’t last. Heartache and pain? They last. They’re the only things that endure.”
He turned her hand over. Pushed her sleeve up and ran his fingers down the scars on the inside of her forearm. “And what about these?” he asked quietly. “Do these last?”
She drew in a breath and held it. She knew he’d seen her scars, but part of her had hoped he wouldn’t bring it up. She knew now she’d been foolish to think that.
“They…” Unease rippled through her. “No one hurt me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
He ran his fingers over the thin lines again, and she fought the urge to pull her arm back. “Then how did you get them?”
“I…I went through a phase.”
“A phase?”
She cringed. “Yeah. A phase. It was stupid. But after Theodosius died—he was the gladiator—I wasn’t coping well. I can’t explain what it’s like to be ageless to you. To watch the ones you love die. To remain when they’re gone. I was alive, but I felt dead inside. And then one day I accidentally cut myself in the kitchen, and for the first time in months I felt something. It was pain, but even pain was better than feeling dead. And it was freeing.” She looked down at her feet in the sand, knew he’d never understand this. “So yeah, I went through a phase. Every time I felt dead inside, the pain reminded me I was still alive.”
“So you still…are you still in that phase?”
“No,” she said on a breath. “It was hundreds of years ago. Anytime I feel dead inside now, I just look at the scars and I remember. It’s enough. Learning to keep to myself helped tremendously, too. If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t get hurt.” She tried to add some humor into her voice, because this was getting way too serious. “Plus I was never very good with a knife—as you know from seeing me wield a weapon. I was too afraid I was going to kill myself to do any real damage.”
He didn’t chuckle. In fact, he was silent so long, she wondered if she’d creeped him out. Then he said, “When Zander lost Callia, it nearly killed him. He lost the will to live. I can’t imagine what that was like for you, not once, but three times.”
Surprise registered. That he understood. And his reaction tightened her heart. “It was lonely.” And so very painful. So painful she didn’t want to repeat it if she didn’t have to. But something told her she was already on the road to love and might already be too far gone to stop it. She swallowed hard. Tried not to think of that. “But I adapted. Now I have these ugly scars to remind me about the price of love.”
His fingertips brushed her scars again, and warmth curled through her skin under his touch, shot straight to her heart. “They’re not ugly. Nothing about you is ugly. And not all love has to be painful.”
Her chest pinched down tight. Gods, if he kept up the sympathy and understanding, she’d fall head over heels in love with him before the moon set.
Water lapped at the shore as they sat in silence. She didn’t know what to say. And then a thought occurred. One she knew she probably shouldn’t ask but suddenly needed to know. “Have you ever been in love?”
He was silent so long, she knew the answer had to be yes. Knew he was likely thinking of some other female right now. And the knowledge of that…it depressed her.
“No,” he finally said. “Never before.”
Her pulse picked up speed. And if it was possible for her heart to skip, it did. She tried not to read too much into his words. Knew it would only lead her to more pain and heartache down the line, but she couldn’t stop herself.
Never before.
She had been in love. She hadn’t lied. But it had never been like this. Never as fast. Never as all-consuming. Never as deep. And now she knew why. Because none of the humans she’d loved had been Gryphon. None had understood her the way he did. None could.
Her heart beat hard against her ribs. Would she stay with him if she could? Would she sacrifice Olympus for him? She didn’t know. She only knew that, right now, she wanted him. Wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anyone else, ever before.
He pressed his lips to her neck, then to her ear. And shivers of delight rushed over her skin wherever he touched. “I’m getting cold out here,” he whispered.
“You are?”
“Mm-hmm. Was wondering if maybe you’d like to take me inside and warm me up. I saw a claw-foot tub in your bathroom.”
Relief and desire rushed through her. He still wanted her. She leaned her head back against his shoulder, offering more of her neck. “You did, huh?”
“Big enough for two, I’m almost certain.”