I can feel the tension radiating from Raffe. How can he say no? This is his chance at getting his wings back and setting things right. He can have everything he wants. He might even become Messenger and save everyone from this apocalyptic mess.
And then he would go home, never to return in my lifetime.
24
‘Where would you operate?’ asks Raffe.
‘At the aerie,’ says Josiah. ‘Laylah is under guard. She can’t get out. But I could sneak you in.’
‘Go. I’ll follow you with the wings in a minute,’ he says, taking off the backpack that holds his blanket-rolled wings.
‘I should go with you,’ I say.
‘You can’t.’ He takes off his coat and slides the backpack straps on backward so that he’s wearing the pack against his chest. He fiddles with the waist strap, making sure it’s in place. Wearing a backpack this way might not look great on someone else, but on him, it looks like a fitted piece of military gear strapped tight to his broad chest.
‘You need someone to watch your back.’
He arches his back and spreads his wings the way I might stretch my legs after sitting too long. ‘Josiah will have to do. It’s too dangerous for you. Besides, you need to take care of your family.’
A thought occurs to me. ‘Maybe Laylah could help Paige too?’ I hate even saying it, but with Doc’s arm broken, who else can we turn to?
‘If things work out for me, I’ll see if I can get her to help your sister.’
‘Paige doesn’t have any more time than you do.’
‘It’ll be safer for her if we know that we can trust Laylah first.’
He’s right, but my mind keeps spinning. I nod. ‘What about your sword?’
‘I can’t fly with her if she won’t accept me. And that won’t happen until I get my wings back. Take care of her until I return?’
I nod, warmth flooding my chest. ‘So you’ll be back?’
He looks at me with worry in his eyes.
I know we’ve gone our separate ways before, but this time, it feels permanent. He’s about to reenter the angel world. And when he does, he’ll forget all about that Daughter of Man he partnered up with for a few days. He’s made it clear that he can’t be with me.
‘Is this goodbye?’ I ask.
He nods.
We look into each other’s eyes. As usual, I have no idea what he’s thinking. I could make guesses, but they’d be fantasy.
He leans down, and his lips hover a hair’s breadth from mine. I close my eyes, feeling the tingle of anticipation.
Then he presses his lips to mine. His warmth spreads out from my lips down into my chest and stomach. Time stops, and I forget about everything else – the apocalypse, my enemies, watching eyes, monsters in the night.
All I feel is the kiss.
All I am is Raffe’s girl.
Then he pulls back.
He presses his forehead to mine, and I can feel the prickling of tears behind my lashes.
‘You’re going to get your wings back.’ I swallow and talk fast before my voice can waver. ‘You’ll become Messenger, and they’ll follow you as their leader. Then you’ll take the angels home, away from here. Promise me that when you become the Messenger, you’ll take them away from here, away from all of us.’
‘Not much of a chance that I’ll become Messenger, but yes, I’ll do what I can to take them away.’
And he’ll be the first one gone.
I swallow.
We stand there for a few moments, our breath mingling.
The wind picks up, and it feels like we’re the only living beings in the world.
Then he straightens up, leaning away from me. ‘It’s not about what I want or need. My people, the entire fabric of my society is about to unravel. I can’t let that happen.’
‘I didn’t ask you to.’ I slowly wrap my arms around my middle. ‘You’re the best hope for my people too, you know. If you take control and take them back to where they came from, my world will be saved too.’ But you won’t be with me.
He shakes his head sadly at me. ‘These are the rules we live by. We are soldiers, Penryn. Legendary warriors willing to make legendary sacrifices. We do not ask. We do not choose.’ He says that like a motto, a pledge he’s said a thousand times.
He slowly lets me go, firmly setting me aside.
He brushes my hair out of my face, strokes my cheek. He looks at every part of my face as if memorizing it. A half smile forms on his lips.
Then he drops his hand, turns around, and leaps into the air.
I put my hand over my mouth to keep from calling him back.
The October wind tugs at my hair. Dry leaves float by, lost and abandoned.
25
I should go.
Turn around and leave this place.
But my feet feel like they’re rooted to the sidewalk. I stand there, worried. Worried that it’s a trap, worried that I won’t see him again, worried that he is yet again in the hands of his enemies.
I’m so lost in all the things that might happen that I don’t hear the footsteps behind me until they’re too close for me to run.
People step out from behind buildings. One, five, twenty. They’re all dressed in sheets, and their heads are shaved.
‘You missed them,’ I say. ‘They weren’t much to look at anyway.’