chapter ONE
I met Amber two days after I throttled her boyfriend, Chris Parker. A week later we were in love. Or rather, I was in love with her. It took a while on her part. After all, she thought I was him.
Let me explain—I am a doppelganger.
Not many people have heard of us before. We’re a pretty secretive race. So secretive, in fact, that I don’t even know that much about us myself. Most of what I know about my kind I learned from my mother, and she wasn’t all that informative. I can’t even tell people my name. I don’t have one. Not one I was born with, anyway. My mother always said names are worthless to a doppelganger. So the whole time I was growing up, she was she, and I was me, and that’s as far as it ever got.
The problem is that doppelgangers are loners. We don’t keep in touch. We don’t call each other or send postcards. We would never e-mail. There’s no annual doppelganger convention or home base or family reunion. When you’re a doppelganger, you’re on your own.
Maybe there just isn’t much to know about us. We’re pretty simple, actually—primitive, one might say—which is how we’ve managed to survive for so long.
But there are a few things to know. The most important is that we’re shape-shifters. We can change the way we look, the sound of our voice; we can even change our sex, though we usually prefer not to. We’re like chameleons, but taken to a higher level.
And it’s a good thing we are shape-shifters, because in our natural state we’re ugly as sin. Really hideous, to the point where we can barely stand to look at ourselves, let alone others of our kind. A doppelganger mother will even turn from her own child in disgust. I’m sure it’s hard to imagine such a thing—after all, a human mother will love even her ugliest child—but with us it’s true. It must be an evolutionary thing or something. If so, it works pretty well—a doppelganger can rarely be found in its natural form. I can count on one hand the number of times I saw my mother in her own skin. Who knows, maybe I’ve just blocked the other times out of my head. Between the mottled, almost transparent flesh, the bulging eyes, and a face with no nose or mouth other than a few slimy slits, you’ve got the makings of a real freak. Actually, all those drawings of aliens recreated from people’s so-called abductions—those things with the egg heads and spindly arms—they’re not aliens, they’re doppelgangers. And those people who think they were abducted didn’t go anywhere—they were just lucky enough to have survived. That’s my theory, anyway.
Which brings me to another important doppelganger fact: We’re killers. Of people, that is. We prey on your race—stalking you, watching your moves, the places you go, learning the patterns of your life. Then, when we think we’ve got it down, we find a nice quiet little corner to strangle you in and take over. At least that’s how it’s supposed to work. Sometimes things get a little messy.
But if we’re really good, no one can tell it’s not you. We look like you, sound like you, even act like you. We take your life and live it in your place. And then, when we get bored or someone seems to be getting too close to the truth, we move on. Though, to be honest, we can only hold a form so long before we start to lose it. It takes a lot of strength to hang on to somebody’s life. After a while it even starts to hurt.
Of course, the letting go can be just as bad. Trust me, I know.
Does this sound awful? Are we evil creatures? Monsters? I’ve been asking myself the question since I was old enough to wonder, and I still haven’t figured it out. My mother would say no. In her view, our people have nothing to do with the concepts of good or evil. “Foolish human conventions,” she once called them. In her mind, we do what we do because that’s who we are.
“Are we bad?” I remember asking one afternoon as I watched her break the neck of a rooster for our supper. I was eight, I think, and had recently learned the truth about doppelganger ways. “Are we bad for killing?”
She looked at me in disgust. “You’ve been watching too much TV,” she said, tossing me the limp bird to pluck. “That’s a foolish question. The kind a human would ask.”
“Well, are we?” I pressed.
“Is the tiger evil when it kills the zebra? Is the shark malicious for biting the swimmer? Does the bee sting out of wickedness?” she said.
I took her meaning. She felt it was our nature to kill—nothing more, nothing less. And it’s true, it’s not like we doppelgangers want to take over the world or enslave the human race or anything like that. Far from it—we prefer to live quietly, below the radar. Still, it troubled me. Not because I didn’t believe her, but because I did. Because I believed a doppelganger was supposed to obey its nature. That’s what bothered me. For even back then, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to live by killing. Not like her.
Anyway, that’s about it. There’s only one other important thing to know about doppelgangers that I can think of. Since we keep to ourselves, we don’t run into each other very often, but when we do, we know it. Even in human form, we can tell. It’s like we can sniff each other out. If two doppelgangers of the same sex happen to meet, they’ll more than likely ignore each other and move on. But if a heganger and sheganger come together, they’re going to mate. It’s practically unavoidable—nature’s way of ensuring the continuation of the species, I guess. My mother told me all about it not long before she kicked me out.
“Even if you don’t want to—and you won’t—you’re going to couple,” she said, “and she will bear an offspring, just as I bore your miserable excuse of a being.”
“What was my father like?” I asked.
“Weak,” she said. “The males always are. But he was there, for that day of our coupling at least.”
“Did you have another child before me?” I asked her. I’d always wanted to know, and since she was in a rare talking mood, I figured I’d ask.
“Once. A long time ago,” she said.
“A boy or a girl?”
“I hardly remember.”
My mother wasn’t exactly the warm and snuggly type. I didn’t take it personally. I knew that’s just how she was. She told me we were all that way, and since I’d never met another one of us, I took her at her word.
I also knew, without her even having to tell me, that I was a hindrance. Putting aside the fact that—as she often put it—I was an embarrassment with no prospects, there was the simple matter that she’d been holed up with me in our cabin for the last sixteen years, rarely leaving except when the urges got too great to bear. Then she’d disappear for a day, maybe even two or three, and come back as someone else. It was enough to calm her, but not enough to truly satisfy. She wanted to be on the road again and alone, but she couldn’t leave me. For though her urge to kill was strong, equally strong was the urge to make sure her offspring survived. Nature is funny that way.
Still, she must have been convinced I could make it on my own because she eventually got rid of me. I remember the moment she called me out one night onto the porch as she was preparing to leave.
“I’m going,” she said, watching me in the light of the open doorway. “There’s a pack with some food in it on the counter. Enough for a few days. When I get back, you’d better be gone. I’ve babied you long enough.” She shook her head. “When I was your age, I’d already gone through three forms.”
“Where am I supposed to go?” I asked.
She shrugged. “Wherever you want—I don’t really care. Just don’t do anything stupid. And for heaven’s sake, don’t travel in the daylight, at least not until you’ve taken a form. I’ve had to look at you for sixteen years now—you’re not a pleasant sight.”
“I guess this is good-bye, then,” I said. I tried to decide if I should thank her.
“Spare me the sentiment. And don’t bother thanking me,” she said, as if reading my mind. “I tried to teach you, but as far as I can tell, it was a waste of time. You’re my only failure in life. You’re a weak one, even worse than your father.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
“I suppose it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let you watch all that TV. I figured it would keep you occupied, but it only made you soft, like a human. Still, you’re a clever boy in your own way. Who knows, maybe you’ll get by.”
With that, she headed down the porch steps. A minute later she’d driven away, and I haven’t seen her since.
I went inside and saw the pack on the counter. I’d noticed it earlier in the afternoon, but hadn’t thought anything of it. It had been sitting in front of me the whole time, waiting—the signal of my departure. And now it was time to go.
I didn’t feel too bad about it. I’d only left my immediate surroundings a half dozen times in my entire life. A change of setting was called for. And really, there wasn’t much I’d miss there, least of all my mother. I even contemplated burning the place down before I left, just to spite her, but I realized it was pointless. Somehow I knew she wasn’t coming back. Besides, I didn’t want to toast my books. I’d read everything I could get my hands on—trashy paperbacks, supermarket tabloids, schoolbooks, even instruction manuals—and had amassed quite a little library in one corner of the cabin. Whenever my mother came back with a new car, I’d comb through it, looking for reading material. I almost took a few of the books with me, then decided against it. To bring some and not others—it didn’t seem fair.
What I really hated leaving was the TV. I liked my books well enough, but I’d miss our television the most. I took one last look at it before I left. I’d spent most of the last seven years watching it. It didn’t matter what time of day it was or what was on—soap operas, cartoons, news—I took it all in. And my mother was perfectly happy to let me—it made her life easier, that’s for sure.
I didn’t really know where to go as I left the cabin, so I followed my momentum downhill, walking the half mile or so of our driveway to the main road, then crossing into the woods where I kept on walking. Night had fallen, but it wasn’t bad going—with our bulbous eyes, doppelgangers can see almost as well in the dark as we can in the light. The rain had stopped, and it was actually quite peaceful in the woods. The night birds were calling to each other, and I could see a pair of deer drifting between the trees a ways off.
Maybe I could just stay here, I thought. But I knew it was foolish. Necessity would drive me to civilization. Already I could feel it pulling me, like gravity, toward the lowest spot.
As I headed out into the world, I had no idea what lay ahead of me. I didn’t know anything about Chris Parker, his sister, Echo, or his parents. I didn’t know about the kids at school, the teachers, the coaches, or any of that. Most of all, I didn’t know about Amber or have a clue that in a few short weeks I would be in love with her. Why would I? Doppelgangers aren’t supposed to fall in love. But then, like my mother said, I always was different. The question was—could I be different enough?