chapter SIXTY-FOUR
When Jerry arrived, he handcuffed Neal and put him in the back of his car. I told him everything that had happened. Jerry’s backup took us all to the station to give our reports.
“Jerry, can I ask you something unrelated to this?” I asked when I was finished.
“What?”
“Are we ever going to be able to be friends again?” I was pretty certain the answer would be no.
He thought for a while. “I don’t know.”
“Thank you for being honest about that.” It was better than I expected.
“I’m having a hard time with all this magic mumbo jumbo.” He crossed his arms.
“I hope we will. You mean a lot to me. But this is part of who I am now. I’m still basically the same person I always was, there’s just more to me now.”
“I know, but it’s going to take some time for me to come to terms with it. This isn’t exactly normal stuff, you know. Magic isn’t supposed to be real.”
“Who says what’s supposed to be real and not? Just because we don’t understand something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. You can’t just wish it away.” If that were the case, I’d wish Kevin back to being alive.
“I know. What’s all this about the coven?”
“If Vittorio and I manage to stay alive, chances are we’ll be named Sacerdote and Sacerdotessa of the coven - High Priest and Priestess,” I corrected myself, realized Jerry didn’t know the Italian words. “Now that Clavius is dead, and his wife Aerin, the Sacerdotessa, was killed six months ago in a burglary, they need someone to step up. Samuel wants the position for himself. Neal probably does, too. They wouldn’t be good for it, though.”
“And you would? You don’t even know anything about witchcraft.” He paused. “Do you?”
“I have a lot to learn, it’s true, but I’d be better than anyone they would have in my place. They would have had Elizabeth before -” I stared at my hands, picking the skin around my nails, trying to force back tears.
“Why are you doing this?” The sudden softness to Jerry’s tone made me look at him.
“It’s hard to explain.” I went back to picking my nails.
“Humor me and try.”
“I know it’s the right thing to do. I know it’s why I’m here, that I’m meant to be Sacerdotessa. Even though I don’t know much about it all, I know it’s my purpose.”
“But how do you know?” Jerry stood and paced.
“You wouldn’t believe me.” I didn’t want to tell Jerry, but did want to mend our friendship if that was at all possible.
“Tell me anyway.” He stopped and looked me in the eye, standing very still.
“The goddess told me.” I sat very still.
“You’re right, I don’t believe you,” he said, turning away from me, shoulders slumping.
“Why not?” I yelled, pushing myself up from the chair and knocking it to the floor in the process. “Christians get messages from their God all the time. Why can’t pagans get messages from goddess? It’s the same thing.”
He spun around, fists clenched. “Christians aren’t going to burn in hell when they die.”
“Is that so? Charles Manson was Christian, wasn’t he? Hitler was a Christian. Do you think they’re going to heaven? And anyway, I don’t believe in heaven or hell, so I don’t really care about that. I’m just trying to live the best life I can and stay out of everyone else’s way. Everyone else is making that pretty damned difficult.”
“I’m sorry, Elena.”
I didn’t know what he was apologizing for; there was so much. “Maybe we should stick to business until you come to terms with this. I don’t know how much more of your hurtful words I can take.”
“I said I’m sorry.” He looked at the floor.
“Can I go now?”
Jerry nodded, and I walked out without another word.