chapter Six
Raisa wanted to beat me after she got home from the club at three in the morning, but when I showed her my wounds, she grew worried and yelled, saying I was the most stupid person alive—and I had to agree with her—and that she would never leave me behind again.
On Sunday, I slept almost all day. Raisa and Olivia checked on me several times. Then on Monday, I got up early to go to work before my first day of summer classes. I had to take two ibuprofen pills to be able to stand. I just wanted to get through the day without remembering the bat attack and feeling sick to my stomach. I purposefully avoided Raisa, and slipped out of the apartment without her or Olivia noticing. I’d had enough of my roommate’s lectures.
Cheryl strolled into the coffee shop fifteen minutes before the end of my shift. I smiled at her, admiring her beauty and elegance. Every time I looked at her, a good feeling—like a sense of familiarity and completion—filled my chest. It was a shame her frequent trips out of town for work limited our conversations and time together. I felt lost and alone whenever she was gone.
All the tables were taken, mostly by students, so she sat on a tall stool at the counter.
Without having to ask, I handed her what I knew she wanted: a tall espresso and a chocolate cupcake.
“Yummy.” Her silver eyes shone as she bit into the cupcake. “Did you apply for the position at the hospital?”
“I did.”
“Good. Now it’s just a matter of time.”
“You say that as if you’re certain they will call me.”
“I know they will.” She winked, taking another bite of the cupcake.
I wished I could stay and talk, but instead I pushed myself off the counter and worked my rounds, rushing around the café, serving tables, scribbling down orders, and occasionally helping the manager with the mess in the storage room.
Near the end of my shift, Raisa arrived and sat beside Cheryl. She told Cheryl about the university party on Saturday. The one I’d missed. Flickers of fear touched my stomach at the memory.
“Nadine was supposed to go too,” I overheard Raisa say as I walked past them. Anger crept over me. I wanted to avoid being lectured, but here at work, I was trapped.
“Supposed to? Why didn’t you go?” Cheryl asked, sounding disappointed I had missed the only party I had agreed to go to in almost a year.
I grunted, hating to remember the reason.
“Oh, the brave Nadine decided to go alone. And on foot,” Raisa exclaimed, outraged. “She was attacked by bats.”
Cheryl’s eyes widened, and she nearly choked on the cupcake. “Again? You have to be more careful. Promise me you won’t wander alone like that anymore.” Her silver eyes conveyed worry and concern.
Shame warmed my cheeks. First Raisa’s lecture, now Cheryl’s. I hated to disappoint them and hated appearing childish and immature and incapable of making smart decisions. “I promise,” I mumbled, trying to hide behind my apron and tray, still ashamed of my poor choices. And more ashamed at the memory of my visceral response to hot, hot Micah.
For some reason, I hadn’t told my friends about him. The truth was I was trying to pretend he didn’t exist. That I had not met him. My heart still contracted every time I thought about Victor, as if I betrayed him by noticing how handsome Micah was.
Great. My morning provided me exactly the opposite of what I’d wanted.
When my shift was over, Raisa and I walked to the science building for the first class of summer session. I sometimes struggled in biology, but needed to ace this class to keep my grades up. No medical school would accept a student who flunked biology. Besides, I needed the distraction to stop thinking about Ceris, the bat attack, and Micah.
Being around campus was always uplifting. The sidewalks were clean. The fake flowerbeds were colorful and released a sweet scent—part of the perfume stored inside the plastic plants. The streetlights were brighter and the safety was incomparable. If only the skies weren’t so dark and the May air wasn’t so chilly.
My eyes were still skyward when I heard cawing. I stiffened, but remained alongside Raisa. Could it be a bat? On campus? But bats didn’t caw. Then I saw it. A raven, soaring right above us. The bird was almost imperceptible against the dark gray sky.
Heedless of the raven’s presence, Raisa chatted about the latest collection of the newest fashion prodigy, whoever he or she was. I didn’t bother showing the bird to her and forgot all about it when we entered the classroom a few minutes later.
Raisa and I took seats along the back wall, where some of her friends sat. As expected, she engaged in a detailed conversation with them about guys, clothes, and makeup.
To pass the time, I whirled my hair around my fingers while humming one of my favorite songs.
“Oh yeah.” Raisa turned, including me in the conversation. “I forgot to tell you. We saw the hottest guy ever at the party.”
“Really?” I asked, pretending to be interested but wanting to get a head start on the upcoming lecture.
“Oh yeah, he was gorgeous.”
I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. “Cool. Did you guys meet him?”
Raisa’s smile faded. “No. He may have escaped this time, but he won’t for too long. The buzz is that he’s a new graduate student.”
I frowned. They were talking about a new student. Micah was new, and he seemed a few years older than me, like a graduate student. And he was majorly attractive. “What does he look like?”
“Tall and hot, with dark blond hair and light blue or green eyes,” Raisa said. “He wasn’t too close to us, so I couldn’t get a good look at his eyes.”
No, this guy wasn’t Micah. Internally, I condemned myself for feeling relieved.
The instructor entered and started the typical first day of summer school speech, which saved me from having to hear more descriptions of a supposedly hot, unknown guy.
Something else saved me from my boring biology class.
I felt the familiar pang in my chest, the spreading of warmth through my veins, and the tingling over my skin. Then, I entered the vision.
I found myself in the middle of Washington Square at the center of NYU’s campus. The scent of flowers and trees surrounded me. Like all my visions, the sky above me was blue and the day was warm. A surge of joy rushed through me. I’d see Victor. I’d missed him so much, and the weird encounter with Micah only reinforced how much I cared about Victor. I couldn’t wait to spend time with him and reconnect the way we always did.
Despite the sameness of the sky, in each vision the setting was different. My clothes normally changed to match. This time, I frowned when I saw myself dressed in my usual attire: jeans, snug tee, a thin jacket, and ballet flats. Yeah, it screamed “relaxing day in the park,” but I was hoping for more. I didn’t want Victor to see me dressed so casually.
“What’s with the pout?” I heard his voice and brightened. There he was, coming toward me, in jeans, a fitted button-down shirt, and casual shoes. But he didn’t look simple. He looked like an expensive apparel model during a photo shoot.
“Hi,” I was able to utter. My heart pounded so fast my chest hurt.
He halted a foot from me. His tall, elegant frame loomed over my petite form, and his delicious scent wrapped around me, making me dizzy. He smiled down at me. “Hi.” He pushed a lock of my hair out of my face, his fingers caressing my skin. I shivered. “So. Why the disappointed face? From knowing you’ll see me?”
I giggled. “Yeah, right.” God, I had to get a better hold of myself when around him. “I was disappointed with my clothes.” I motioned to them. “I would rather be wearing a ball gown or a cocktail dress.”
His sea-green gaze swept me from head to toe, and I blushed.
“I don’t see anything wrong with how you’re dressed.” He stepped toward me and wrapped his arms around my waist. The air ran out of my lungs. “In fact, I think you look beautiful,” he whispered in my ear.
I shivered again. His warm breath washed over my neck, making butterflies dance in my stomach. His lips touched my skin, setting it on fire. I could faint.
I went to lay my head against his shoulder but he pulled back, although keeping his hold on me.
“Unfortunately,” he said, “I have to go.”
“What?” I yelped. Victor leaving me had never happened before. He always stayed with me until someone yanked me out of my vision. “Where are you going?” I heard the frustration in my voice.
He smiled. “Don’t worry, Nadine. We’ll see each other again.”
“But where do you have to go? Can’t I come with you?”
“I don’t know.” He retreated a step and extended his hand. “Want to come?”
I took his hand. “Of course.” I walked to his side, ready to go, but he remained in place, still staring at me, a pleased smile over his full lips. “What?” I asked. I liked when he stared at me like that, but I never could stop from blushing.
His fingers traced the skin over my nose. “I like these,” he said, probably referring to my faint freckles. “They are one of your many charms.” The heat on my cheeks increased. “I like when you blush too.” He chuckled and drew me closer. “I like everything about you.”
Oh, I was taken.
He ran his hand on my hair, and then leaned toward me. Oh God. We flirted and acted like boyfriend and girlfriend for over nine months, but he had never kissed me. Now he kept coming closer. I found myself standing on my toes, waiting for his lips to meet mine.
A blaring caw diverted my attention upward. The raven. In my vision?
“I don’t understand,” I said as I stared at the winged creature. The thrill of almost kissing him faded away.
“Yours?”
“No. But I saw a raven this morning, when I was going to class.”
“Is it the same one?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come.” He took my hand again. “Forget about the bird. Let’s go.”
It was almost impossible to pretend the raven wasn’t soaring near us, but I tried. I took his hand and Victor led the way.
“Do you know where you’re going?”
His brow creased for a moment. “Not exactly. I know the direction I have to go. I can feel it in here.” He touched his chest.
“Do you think this feeling has something to do with your purpose?”
“I hope it does.” He offered me an encouraging smile.
Side by side, we walked toward NYU’s north gate. In my visions, even the world outside the protective campus walls was clean, warm, and perfect. There were trees and flowerbeds, all alive and well. The people who strolled through the streets seemed happy and friendly. Pleased, I squeezed his hand.
“Where to?” I asked after we crossed the north gate.
“I feel as if I should go that way.” He pointed northeast.
We were crossing the street when Raisa’s voice cut through my vision. “Nadine.”
I looked around and found myself back in the now empty classroom, except for me and Raisa.
“Nadine, wake up!”
Damn it! Victor was showing me where he wanted to go, whatever that meant.
Wait. I took a deep breath. Why was the feeling Victor experienced—the one telling him where to go—now inside me?
Raisa shook me, making me focus on her. “Hi,” I said lamely.
“You were out.” She paced franticly from side to side. “Again!”
“Sorry.” It was the only thing I could say. I didn’t want to talk to her about this. I needed to be alone to follow this irresistible pull, to follow it in order to find Victor. But first I had to reassure Raisa all was well. “I guess class is over.”
She plopped her hands on her waist and shook her head. “For over five minutes now. You know, I promised you I wouldn’t worry about these episodes, but I’m not sure anymore.”
“Did the others notice?” I asked, worried I would soon hear rumors I was insane.
Well, wasn’t I?
“I don’t know. Some might have.” She threw her backpack over her shoulder.
I stood. “I’m sorry.”
“Whatever,” she mumbled as she accompanied me to the exit door. “I’m going to sociology now. See you at lunch?”
“Yeah.” I watched her walk down the corridor until she left the building, headed to her next class.
Instead of going to my chemistry class, I marched toward the exit that would lead me to the north gate. The feeling inside my chest, the odd sensation, threatened to explode if I didn’t follow its directions.
Outside, I stopped and looked skyward. Where was that damn raven? I waited a few moments for the bird to show up. Nothing. Had I imagined it before? Had it been an innocent bird just passing by? Had the raven appearing in my vision been a reflex from seeing one before?
I shrugged and started walking again. The chilly air of the dark exterior made me shiver. Thirty years ago, New York would have been sweltering this time of the year. Now I had to tighten my jacket and cross my arms over my tote bag to stop the persistent shivering.
It hadn’t been my intention, but I halted at the north gate.
The streets of the city never ceased to shock me: few streetlamps, some broken, caused the streets to be dark on a scary level; litter all around left a tainted scent; homeless people peered out of every corner; and shady figures with suspicious and malicious eyes ambled by. Shattered sidewalks, barricaded windows, and steel gates on every door completed the urban decay look.
I swallowed hard and summoned what was left of my courage. I needed to follow this pull inside, this sensation that would lead me to where Victor wanted to go. I needed to know if there was something for me there, if I was going to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But what would be my pot of gold? The answers to why I had the visions? Or maybe the answer to how to stay in them with Victor forever.
I took a step forward and bumped into something, like a hollow wall that somehow neutralized my feelings. Someone blocked my way. I looked up.
“Hi again,” Micah said, wearing a sly grin. I had forgotten about him—about how dangerously handsome he was. At my silence, he asked, “Won’t you greet me?”
“Hi,” I blurted, somewhat irritated. I didn’t like the way I reacted around him, the way my heart lurched, or my palms dampened.
“How is your back?” He buried his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket.
I shrugged. “Better. I’ve been on painkillers.”
“So …” He glanced at my tote full of heavy books, then over my shoulder to the campus. “Skipping class?”
“And?” I didn’t like the way my subconscious responded to him, making me annoyed and on the defensive.
“Nothing.” His smile widened. “Actually, I’m glad you did, otherwise I would have had to wait until you were done with chemistry and math. And, I would have had to time it right to catch you before the start of your shift.”
My eyes bugged, then narrowed. “How do you know my schedule?”
He advanced one step, towering over me. “I go after things that interest me.”
I shivered. “Wh-what do you want?”
He frowned. “To be honest, I don’t know.” His voice resonated, deep and somber. His gaze found mine, but I could see he was hiding something.
Oh heck, he’d piqued my curiosity. “What do you do, Micah?”
“You mean, for a living?” He was back to his shrewd and charming self. I nodded and he leaned against the campus wall. “Well, nothing.”
I laughed, figuring he was joking. He didn’t laugh with me. “You’re serious. How do you—oh, I don’t know—pay your bills? Or do you still live with your parents?”
His eyes darkened. “My parents died when I was eighteen,” he said, his strong, foreign accent clearer.
I put my hands over my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
“That’s okay. That was five years ago. I use my inheritance to pay my bills. And, at the moment, I’m living in a hotel room.”
One of the things I most hated about myself was my intense curiosity. Right now, it itched under my skin. “Where are you from?”
“Israel.”
That explained his heavy accent. “And what brought you to New York?”
He chuckled. “Aren’t we a bit curious?”
I whirled my hair with my finger. “Sorry. It gets the better of me.”
He didn’t answer, but instead kept staring at me. Self-conscious, I leaned on the wall beside him and pretended to watch the dreadfulness of the city. We stood like that for a few moments, quietly observing the movement before us.
“It’s like this everywhere, you know,” he said, sounding sorrowful. “I’ve traveled quite a bit since …” He swallowed, affected by his parents’ deaths, I guessed. I felt the urge to touch him, to comfort him. “You know, there are some better, others much worse, but they are all the same. Dark, cold, dangerous.”
“My grandma’s theory is that God gave up on us. He was so sad with our acts and with our direction, He decided to leave us.”
“Not a bad theory.” Micah glanced at his feet. “I don’t know what to think, though.”
I could almost hear the wheels inside his mind whirring, but I held my tongue. Showing how curious I could be would do no good. But why was I worried about what Micah thought of me?
The clock on my cell phone beeped. My math class would start in ten minutes.
“I gotta go,” I announced, pushing off the wall and turning toward the campus gate.
“Wait,” he called out.
My pulse quickened, and I turned to him.
“Can I have your hand?” he asked.
“Excuse me?”
He laughed—a delicious sound. “No, not like that.” He ambled up to me, his sly grin adorning his flawless face. “I want to hold your hand.” He extended his hand, and I scowled at it. “Just for one second. Please.”
His cryptic black eyes pleaded in a way I couldn’t resist. I gave my hand to him and, as our skin met, the same cold shock from the other night stung me. My gaze flew to Micah’s face. He stood still with his eyes closed and both hands over mine, then took a deep, soothing breath. I battled the urge to yelp and pull back after I saw his intensity.
Five seconds later, he released my hand, and maybe it was only me, but his stance seemed more relaxed.
“Care to explain?” I asked, afraid he would suck my soul out through my hands.
He shrugged. “I don’t think there is an explanation.” He smiled, then bowed and walked away.
I remained there for a few more minutes, gaping at his receding figure.
“Lady?” I glanced over my shoulder and saw the gate guard looking at me. “Three minutes until the next period. If you have a class, better hurry.”
“Shit,” I cursed under my breath. “Thanks,” I yelled as I ran past him, headed toward my math class.
Ten feet from the classroom door, I skidded to a stop. Wait. Hadn’t I gone outside and skipped class to follow the path Victor told me about? But then Micah showed up and swept me off my feet, causing me to forget about my intention—again!
I pivoted. I’d follow my original idea—skip class and follow the pull that invaded me when I’d woken from the vision. I had to find out where Victor wanted to go, but the interior pull was gone. The sensation that would lead the way had disappeared.
My breath came in short, quick gasps. Dizzy, I lowered my head and clung to my knees.
No, no, this had not happened. Once more, a vision tried to tell me something, to show me something, and I had been prevented from going after it.
How the heck would I find out what it was now?