chapter Twenty
“JACE—” I CLAMPED MY MOUTH SHUT. The room spun, and I couldn’t find any words as my heart hammered in my ears. I’d forgotten about the trace function on our communicators. I pinched my eyes closed, cursing myself for being so stupid.
Reese held onto my hand and remained silent. His eyes flicked over Jace. I hoped he could hold that stoic demeanor until we were out of the room.
Jace’s expression was pained. His eyebrows knitted together as his eyes studied me. “Please tell me this isn’t what it looks like.” He shook his head. “Please tell me he attacked you—that he…” He gritted his teeth. “Tell me anything, Dez! I’ll tear his eyes out if he hurt you!”
“I’d never hurt her,” Reese spoke up.
“Shut the f*ck up, Narco!” Jace took a step forward, then back. He pressed his hands over his face. Finally, he looked at me again. “When I couldn’t find you, I thought something happened to you.” He glared at me. “So, is this the project you’ve been working on?”
I could barely think over the thumping in my chest. I wanted to rewind time. I wanted to say the perfect thing to make this all go away. But my mind blanked. “No, Jace, it’s not.” I took in a deep breath. “But…I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” He turned, paced, and then shot around toward me. “Sorry? What is this?”
Reese threaded his fingers through mine. “We’re together.” He glanced over to me, gauging my reaction. I nodded once, speechless, so he continued. “I care about Dez. And she cares about me. We’re together. That’s all I can tell you. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.”
Jace’s eyebrows furrowed. “You’ve been seeing a Narco behind my back?”
I shook my head, stammering out, “No…I wasn’t. I mean—” I looked to the ground, trying to gather my thoughts. “Jace, I was with Reese before you kissed me that night. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“So you led me on?” His voice was hurt. My chest burned. “You honestly let me think you cared about me. But you were with a Narco?”
“I do care about you.” But my words were too late.
Jace’s hands pulsed with power, glowing blue. A spark of Charge leaped from his palms and crackled into a blazing stream, reaching toward the floor.
“What did you do to her?” Jace asked Reese, taking a step forward. “There’s no way she’d ever be with you. You had to do something to her.” Charge sparked around his feet, marring the ground where he walked.
Reese shoved me behind him. “Jace, don’t do this here. We can handle this, but outside the Academy…if that’s what you want.”
Jace ran at Reese with his hands turned out—wrists up—a blue stream of Charge shooting from his palms. Reese knocked me out of the way to the floor and met Jace head-on in a clash of blue and red—Flame and Charge. Jace threw punches, striking Reese in his stomach. Reese took the blows, delivering hits in return.
They were going at it full force. No training exercises. No pretending to use powers. I heard the grunts and clash of power; they were hurting each other. Because of me. I had to do something.
I tried to find a way into the fray, but their power was too fast. Think, Dez.
Reese crossed his arms over his face, blocking an attack from Jace. He wrapped his arms around the countered blow, getting shocked in return. Jace raised his hand, ready to land another shock, but Reese pressed his palm to Jace’s chest, burning him. I panicked.
Before I could stop myself, I began to shift, my power growing. I trembled as my body rapidly transformed. My Kythan instincts were taking over. I stretched out my arms, and a burst of white light enveloped my hands—my arms. It was more powerful than the first time I’d shifted. A white, nearly translucent, casing cocooned me. I screamed, and the shell expanded in a flash—muting all sound for a split second as the power rocketed out.
Jace and Reese flew against the wall. They fell to the floor as the blast faded, sound returning to my ears in a low hum.
Reese stared at me, awe in his eyes. This was the first time he’d seen me shift. But Jace’s face was torn—his eyes wide and fearful. I clasped my hands together, outing my white power.
“What the hell?” Jace said, barely audible.
Reese jumped to his feet, forgetting the battle. “That was amazing.” He cupped my face. “What was that?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know.” I smiled up at him. “But I didn’t lose control. I was able to stop it—to shut it down.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out my crystal. “I made this. It helps rein in my power.” My momentary excitement faded as I saw Jace climbing to his feet.
“Jace,” I said. “I can explain.”
“You better. Because right now, I’m trying really hard not to lose my shit.” He backed away—a step away from me.
I glanced at Reese. He nodded his approval.
I took in a deep breath and looked into Jace’s eyes. “I’m half Narco, Jace. My father was Narcolym.” I moved toward him, but he took another backward step, farther away from me. “I’m sorry I could never tell you or the others, but…my mom. She was scared. I was scared. And what I am, it’s something that has to be kept secret. Others would hurt me if they knew I existed.” I stopped and pressed my lips together. I wasn’t sure he was listening to me.
Jace’s expression hardened into a mix of fear and disgust. “You’re half Narco?” He spat the word as if it tasted bad in his mouth.
“Yes.” I nodded. “I’m sorry. But yes, Jace. I am.”
Reese stood beside me. “And I’m half Shythe.” He stretched out his hand. A current of Charge flickered across his palm. “But, no one knows. And no one can.” I heard the threat in Reese’s voice.
Jace stared at Reese as he doused his Charge, and then he turned his glare on me. “How could you not tell me this, Dez? I trusted you. I love—” He clamped his mouth and eyes shut at the same time. Then he looked at me again, pain swirling inside the blue light of his irises. “I don’t know what you are, but you’re not Shythe. Just…” He hung his head before looking straight into my eyes. “I want nothing to do with you.” He turned and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
My legs gave as I fell to the floor. The rejection I’d feared from him my whole life had finally happened. His words stung worse than if I’d been stabbed with my own Charge Dagger. I’d rather have been stabbed.
Reese knelt beside me. “Dez, he’s in shock.” He picked me up and carried me over to a desk. “He’ll calm down. I just hope he doesn’t say anything to anyone in the meantime.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Jace is loyal. Despite his hatred for me now, he’s always loyal. He won’t tell anyone.” A hot tear slid down my cheek. It hurt to breathe.
Jace wouldn’t betray me. Not like I’d betrayed him. But he’d never look at me the same again. Ever. I’d hurt him in so many ways. I’d deceived him—with Reese, behind his back. And I’d lied to him all these years about who I really was. The latter probably hurt him more. No. I’d equally crushed him when he saw me kissing another guy. I buried my face in my hands. I’d just lost my best friend forever.
Reese brought me to his unit against my pleading and fear we’d get caught. However, I didn’t want to go back to mine. I couldn’t face Lana without her knowing something major had happened. She’d know the moment she saw my face, and I didn’t know what to tell her. Reese assured me his roommate was gone for the weekend and the faculty wouldn’t find out. I didn’t have the strength to argue.
Lana had sent me a data message, wondering where I’d disappeared to. She obviously hadn’t talked to Jace yet or she’d be freaking out about our breakup. I was sure Jace would tell her that much. Her message was too calm. I sent her one back, telling her I’d gone to visit my mom. I’d have to invent an explanation for why Jace and I’d broken up, eventually. But I couldn’t think about that now. Truthfully, I was tired of all the lies and secrets.
I lay down on Reese’s bed, and he covered me with a blanket. “Just relax,” he said. “Don’t try and figure everything out right now.”
My eyes stung as I pressed the heel of my hands against them. “I could’ve handled that better somehow.” Tucking my hand under his pillow, I glanced up at him. “There are so many problems now. Not just with Jace, but the Councils, too. I feel like things are completely falling apart.”
Reese sat down on the edge of his bed and stroked my hair. “It seems worse right now because you’re upset. We’ll figure it out, but not now.” He raised his eyebrows. “Okay?”
I nodded into his pillow. “So we’re good? I mean, you and me…together?” My face prickled with heat. I wanted things to be right between us.
“Yeah.” Reese lay down beside me and stared into my eyes. “I’m sorry. But when I saw Jace kiss you”—his eyes flashed—“I went a little berserk. Not to mention when you kissed him the other night.” He huffed out a long breath. “I’ve been raised differently than you. It’s not an excuse, but it does make it harder.” He pressed his lips together. “I figured out I was being an ass, though.”
“You do realize I only did that because I had to stop Jace from starting a fight in front of everyone. I was angry you wouldn’t talk to me, and he thought you’d done something to me.” I lowered my eyes from his. “But I’m such a jerk for what I did to the both of you. I deserve whatever Jace says to me or calls me.”
Reese tilted my face up. “No, you don’t. Things are complicated.” He brushed my hair from my eyes. “I just couldn’t handle it. I knew how much closer you were with Jace, and I wasn’t going to go through the long process of losing you to him.”
“You kind of forced that to happen, you know.” I ran my finger along his forehead, feathering his dark hair away from his eyes. “I want to be with you.”
Reese’s lips tugged into a smile, and he pressed them to my forehead. “I know that now.” He sighed. “But I have a lot of competition with Jace.” I squinted, but he continued. “You didn’t want to hurt him, Dez, and you didn’t want to hurt me. One thing Jace and I have in common…we’re definitely both hotheads. At least when it comes to you.”
I smiled. Then the day came rushing back to me. “But what are we going to do? I mean, the Councils are definitely up to something. That’s why we snuck onto the airship last night. We were trying to find out what.”
“Well, you won’t find anything on the airship. They’re way too cautious for that.” He paused a beat. “But, there’s some good news about all this at least.”
“What?”
He smiled. “We don’t have to hide our relationship anymore. If nothing else, we’re doing the right thing according to them.” Reese traced his thumb over my lower lip. “That’s at least one thing solved.”
“True. But I think most Kythan will still have a huge problem with it. Although, now that Jace knows, there’s no reason to keep it a secret.” It killed me knowing I had to explain this to Lana. How was I going to tell her I’d rejected her brother for a Narco? After what we went through breaking into the Council’s airship, and after she revealed her feelings for Devon…it was like a whole new betrayal.
No. There was one way. I could tell her the truth about me and Reese—who we were. Reese’s comment reminded me about my thoughts of telling them the day before. It was at least time to tell Lana. She’d still feel hurt for her brother, but then she’d maybe understand how I could be with Reese over Jace.
Reese’s comment also reminded me about the Shythe girl. “So, Shythe tutoring?” I asked, studying his face. Part of me wanted my suspicions validated, though I probably didn’t deserve as much.
He raised an eyebrow. “I see you met Shawna.” He grunted. “She hates me. Though, I helped that along pretty good. I wanted it to seem like I knew nothing about the Shythe race.” He smiled. “Extra precautions.”
“Yeah. I suspected that the whole time.” I buried my face under his blanket, hiding my shame.
Reese pulled the cover down. “Do you really trust Jace not to expose us?”
“Yes.” I bit down on my lip. “He’s hurt and angry, but he’s still Jace. I trust him.”
“Are you going to tell Lana?”
I blew out a long breath. “I guess it’s time. But I’m still worried that this information will endanger her.”
“Jace knows. You’re not worried about that with him.”
“God, you’re infuriating.” I smiled, my heart feeling a little lighter. “Why are you being Mr. Logical right now?” I thought for a moment. “But I won’t tell Nick. Lana needs to know, but Nick doesn’t have to. I feel bad, but really, it’s for his own good.”
Reese hugged me closer to him. “Makes sense.” He rested his lips against my forehead. “And, Dez, Jace will get past this.” His breath fanned my hair as he thought. “What about that crazy power? I’d never seen anything like it. Where did it come from?”
I buried my head in his chest, inhaling him. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Or, how about nothing.” Reese inched down, his face close to mine.
I traced my thumb over his cheek, staring into his violet eyes. I allowed mine to fade to purple, as well. He smiled and brushed his lips against mine. All my worries paled as he deepened the kiss. Whatever we had to face, I knew we could. We belonged together. And I wouldn’t have to be apart from him again. I latched onto him, bringing him closer. I was home.
After I felt I could face the world again, Reese walked me to the girls’ wing. I’d stayed until curfew. Reese had wanted me to stay the night, but I couldn’t. Not because I feared we’d get caught, but because I didn’t want additional questions from Lana.
When I got back to my unit, Lana was loosening her corset. “Hey,” she said halfheartedly as I entered.
“Hey.” I closed the door and plunked down on my bed.
She looked over at me. “Where were you? And don’t say your mom’s. I know better.”
I took a deep breath. “No. I wasn’t there. Sorry I lied.” I glanced at the floor. “I have something to tell you. I didn’t want to get into it over the communicator, so I just said that.”
She nodded. “Okay, shoot. What’s up?” She finished dressing for bed and then sat across from me.
I took another deep breath and dove in. I told her about the Council’s trial repopulation test, about my father being Narcolym, and about how I’d hidden my identity. I told her everything, baring my soul, right down to the last minutes I’d spent with Reese. By the time the room fell silent, after I’d spilled everything, her mouth hung agape. Her eyes stared through me—not seeing me.
“Lane?” I snapped my fingers in front of her face. “Are you okay?”
She shook her head. “Oh. My. God.” She jumped up and stared at me. “You’re serious. I knew it!”
I squinted. “What do you mean, you ‘knew it’?”
“I just did. After your change, somehow I sensed something was off about you, but I couldn’t place it. And your power, it’s way stronger than ours.” She smiled. “I mean, I could never have put this crazy scenario together, but somehow, I’d been trying to figure out what was going on.”
I tilted my head. “You’re not freaked about me being half Narco?” I studied her. She seemed to be taking it well—extremely well—compared to Jace.
She waved her hand through the air. “It’s not like you chose this. But regardless, this is something that’s a part of you. And besides, the only reason I don’t want to bond with a Narco is because I’m in love with Devon. That whole rebel thing is Jace’s deal.” Her eyes became wide. “Oh, Jace. What—”
“He kind of walked in on Reese and me today.” I bowed my head. I’d skimmed over the details of that part. “We were making up, sort of, and Jace saw.” I looked up quickly and watched Lana’s face fall.
“Oh.” She kept her mouth a perfect “O.” Then she sat down next to me. “You should have told me sooner. I could have talked with him. Crap, I should’ve never told him it was a go with you.” She slapped her forehead.
“Lane, it’s not your responsibly to handle Jace. It’s mine. And I messed up big time.”
“We can fix this. I know my brother. He’s definitely stewing right now, but we can make him understand what happened. And I know he’ll get past the half Narco thing. We can—”
“Leave him alone for a while?”
She lowered her eyes. “Yeah, probably a good idea.”
“Thank you, Lane.” I took her hand. “I know you want to fix this for me, but just having you accept it, that’s more than enough.” I shook my head lightly. “I was scared of losing you, or of endangering you.”
“No way. I love you no matter what. And I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” She winked and wrapped her arm around me. “Now tell me about Reese. I can’t believe it’s him. He was such a hothead.”
“You have no idea.”
Lana and I talked about Reese and Devon, strategically avoiding the Jace topic. I think she knew it was too painful. I felt bad. This was her brother. But she said she didn’t feel torn. She could love us both and hope that soon things would get patched up. It was the first time our group was ever divided.
I lay in my bed that night, trying not to think. But there were too many worries swimming around in my head. Although I felt better after unloading to Lana, I realized I should have told her long ago. I couldn’t help wondering if the same went for Jace. Had I told him the truth about me before, the events of today wouldn’t have happened. Or maybe they would have, only sooner.
I closed my eyes, trying not to picture Jace’s expression after he found out what I was. But that image was permanently etched in my mind.