chapter Fourteen
THE NEXT MORNING, Lana and I left our unit and headed for the auditorium. There was a mandatory introductory assembly scheduled for our first block.
We had spent the first day unpacking and getting settled. And although Lana had been dying to meet new people and explore, she’d stayed by my side, even bringing dinner to our room so I could avoid Jace as long as possible. I wasn’t ready to see him or, unknown to her, Reese. I wanted to hide until the last minute.
But my time for hiding was up. As soon as we entered the auditorium, I spotted Jace. He stood, waving us over toward him and Nick. I took a deep breath, and Lana squeezed my hand.
“Just act like it’s any other day,” she said under her breath.
I nodded. Yeah, any other day after your best friend kissed you right in front of your secret, enemy-race boyfriend. “I’m fine, Lane.” I trailed behind her.
Lana and I hadn’t discussed my situation thoroughly yet. I’d admitted to her the night before that yes, I did care for Jace, even at one point thought I wanted us to be together, but I wasn’t sure how I felt now. She couldn’t understand why I was having such a hard time if I still cared for him. I’d strategically changed the subject to her and Devon. It had worked. She’d dropped it.
I glanced around the room. Even though the Peace Act was in effect, you couldn’t tell. Most of the Shythe sat on one side of the auditorium, while the majority of the Narcos sat on the other. But at least they were blending…some. We walked up the middle of the two sides, passing a group of rowdy Narcolym.
My heart flipped in my chest when I heard Reese’s voice. My head shot toward him. He sat across the aisle from where Jace and Nick were seated. His gaze caught mine, and my breath shuddered out, shaky. I allowed Lana to move me down the row, but I kept my eyes trained on him.
I waited for him to smile, to nod, to blink…to do anything. But he only stared at me with a stoic expression plastered on his face. I swallowed hard. I wanted to run over, wrap my arms around him, but I sat down next to Lana. Finally, he looked back to his friend—a girl friend—whom he’d been talking to. She was Shythe.
I dropped my eyes to the floor. Did he think I’d kissed Jace? I made up my mind to talk to him. I couldn’t bear to look into his eyes and not explain what had really happened. Even if we couldn’t be together, I wouldn’t allow him to think I’d purposely hurt him.
Jace’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. He was seated on the other side of me. While I was lost in Reese’s eyes, Lana had seated me next to him. I’d make sure to thank her later.
“Can you believe this?” Jace was saying to Nick. “How can they think this is going to work? Look at them.” He cocked his head in the Narcos’ direction. “Laughing like being here is some kind of joke. This is our school.”
“Who did the seating arrangement?” Nick asked. “I thought we were supposed to be mingling.” He looked toward the Narcos. “Ah, I see. Some of us are. Pfft.”
Jace glanced at me. “How’d it go yesterday? You and Lane get settled okay?”
I smiled. “Yeah. Our unit’s great.” Maybe he wanted to forget the kiss ever happened. I breathed a sigh of relief. He seemed to be back to the old Jace—focused on the Narcolym issue and not me. “How’s your room?”
“Probably looks just like yours.” He smiled and took my hand. “Want to have dinner with me tonight?” His voice lowered. “I mean, not someplace out obviously, but in the courtyard.” Then he added quickly, “And with all of us…the group.”
I smiled again. It was all I could do. My voice seemed to be lost as I felt his fingers sliding between mine. Why was he suddenly unafraid to express his emotions? The Change, possibly, I considered. Or maybe he was just ready. I allowed him to hold my hand, the whole time wishing I was braver, and thought back to my decision to not be with either of them.
Then I snuck a peek over to Reese. He seemed happy as he laughed with the Shythe girl. A sharp pang hit my heart, reverberating through my chest. He obviously didn’t want to be with me anymore after what happened. If that was the case, then I could put off hurting Jace for one more day. I squeezed his hand and smiled at him.
“Courtyard sounds fun,” I finally told him. “I’m sure Lana is dying to socialize.”
Jace’s eyes brightened. “Awesome.”
The headmaster on stage spoke into a brass microphone. His voice surrounded us, loud. “Welcome to the Academy and the twenty-forty academic school year.” The audience hushed. “I know some of you are curious as to why this year is different.” Jace huffed beside me. “But I assure you, your questions will be answered in due time. Just know that the Councils have the best intentions for all Kythan.” He turned, beckoning a faculty member to bring over a sheet of paper. “For the time being, let’s go over your curriculum and schedule.”
By the end of the assembly, I was dozing off. The headmaster could make an exciting subject boring, and hearing him talk about mathematics and its place in today’s time was too much excitement for me.
Jace nudged me when the speech concluded. “Come on. I think we have a free period until our first block.”
I followed behind the triplets, glancing over as we passed Reese. He was holding up his schedule, talking with that same Shythe girl. I ground my teeth together. Reese didn’t notice me as I passed this time. He moves fast. I clenched my fists, digging my nails into my palms as she leaned over him. Her hair fell between them, and he caressed it back over her shoulder. I jerked my head and looked toward the exit.
When we reached the outside courtyard, I inhaled the fresh air. I released tiny, clipped breaths, holding back the tears that prickled the corners of my eyes.
I turned toward Lana. “Hey, I’m actually pretty wiped. Think I’ll go take a nap before our first class.”
“All right,” she said. “Then I’ll see you in Chemistry.”
I smiled at Jace. “Sorry, need a break. That guy really put me to sleep.”
“Sure.” He nodded, but I could see questions burning in his eyes. “See you later.”
I turned and stalked off. I was about to lose my cool, I could feel it. And I wasn’t wearing my eye lenses. If Reese was with me, he could warn me before my eyes changed color, but he wasn’t. And I didn’t trust my emotions right then.
By the time I opened my unit door, the tears blurred my eyes. A*shole. Was he flirting with that girl to show me how it felt? Or did he really like her? I threw myself down on my bed and covered my head with a pillow. The tears flowed. I choked them out in painful gasps. He’d barely acknowledged that I was in the same room after staring at me like I was his enemy.
I wasn’t done with my crying fit, but I’d run out of time. I only had ten minutes to get to my class, and I was still a blubbering mess. I wandered down the hall toward the community bathroom and splashed cold water over my face. It helped calm the blotching. Pressing a towel to my face, I took in shallow breaths. My sour reflection stared back at me, but it was as good as it was going to get.
I went back to my room, grabbed my bag, and headed off to my chemistry block. As I entered the classroom, Lana waved me over. She sat next to Jace and Nick. Great. That meant Mr. Tuner had worked all our schedules to be the same. I’d probably have every class with Jace. And I just needed some space.
Sitting down next to Lana, I spotted Reese. He was talking to the Shythe girl. You gotta be kidding me. I quickly looked toward the head of the class, where Mr. Liam was writing his name on the blackboard, and slumped down in my seat.
The class was a two-hour block. A two-hour block spent trying to avoid eye contact with Jace and Reese. By the end of the class, I wanted to claw my eyes out.
I closed my chemistry book and shoved it into my bag. Although the Academy was mainly for learning about Kythan and our power, we were also taught the basics of human knowledge. After all, we’d be in service to them the rest of our lives.
Jace knelt in front of my desk. “Since today’s schedule is messed up because of the assembly, we have a free period instead of our power training course. Lana, Nick, and I are heading to the cafeteria and taking our dinner to the courtyard. We were thinking the rec room, afterward.” He raised his eyebrows. “Are you still up to it?”
He ran a finger along my forearm. I averted my eyes from his and saw Reese staring at us, his eyes blazing red. He slammed his book on the desk and quickly packed it away, then stalked down the steps—his eyes burning a hole through me the whole way. My stomach knotted.
Jace squeezed my hand, and I met his eyes. “Yeah, I could use a little play time,” I said, biting down on my lip after the last word. I’d have bitten right through it if it meant I was able to focus on that pain rather than the stabbing in my chest.
He pulled me up and led me through the classroom. I knew at that moment it was wrong for me to find solace in Jace’s touch, but he was one of my best friends. Even though he was part of the reason I was experiencing the pain, I still found comfort in being near him. It was a strange mix of emotions—one that I just didn’t have the strength to explore.
We met Lana and Nick in the courtyard. The sun shone, illuminating the green grass and tulips planted along the Academy’s inner walls. It would have been peaceful if not for the noise in my head.
“So,” Nick said, stretching out on the grass. “Have we come up with a place to spar? I’m dying to test out my full power.”
I was nervous. I hadn’t yet roamed the Academy, but I was sure we wouldn’t find an isolated spot to train. Not without risking too much.
Jace sat down next to me. “Actually, I think I might’ve found a place.” I jerked my head toward him, eyebrows raised. “I was scoping out the gym yesterday, and there’s a basement underneath. Full of cleaning supplies and janitorial stuff.”
“You can’t be serious, Jace,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m sure the staff uses that. We’d be caught in no time.”
“Yeah, plus I don’t want to smell like cleaning products,” Lana said.
Jace smiled. “I thought about that,” he said, looking at me. “But I figured I’d check it out for a few days. See when they go down there, what their schedule is, and then plan around our blocks.”
I sat back on my palms. “What if there’s a cleaning emergency?” I asked. “Like a kid throws up or something.”
Nick laughed. “I highly doubt the staff would be called in for that.” He tilted his head. “We could do it late at night. Sneak out. No one would be summoned for a late night cleaning session then.”
“That’s not a bad idea.” Jace glanced at me. “I mean, we’re already rebels. Might as well add sneaking out to the list.” He winked.
I shook my head, laughing. “All right. Whatever. Count me in.” Then I held up a finger to him. “On the condition that you promise it’s safe.”
“I’d never endanger you guys.” He took my hand. My face flamed as Nick and Lana nonchalantly looked at each other, engaging in a private conversation. Jace leaned closer to me. “Can we go for a walk?”
Forcing in a breath, I nodded. Jace helped me to my feet, and we walked hand-in-hand through the courtyard. Shythe and Narcos were mixing together, practicing their power. I watched as a group of Shythe took turns sending bolts of Charge at a target. It was bizarre seeing Kythan so openly using their power.
“What?” Jace asked, threading his fingers through mine.
“I was just thinking how crazy it is here.” I glanced around. “We’re taught to hide our power. Here, people treat it like it’s a sport.”
Jace nodded. When we reached the other side of the courtyard, he leaned against the stone wall, bringing me close before him. He held both my hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over the tops as he stared at them.
“How do you feel about me, Dez?” He kept his eyes lowered. “I just have to know. Either way, you’re my best friend. But…I need to know.” He looked up into my eyes.
This was the moment of truth. How did I feel about Jace? I averted my eyes. My turn to stare at the ground. “I care about you. You’ve been like a brother to me my whole life.” I smiled to myself. “And I’m not blind. You’ve definitely gotten cuter over the years.” I glanced up, he was smiling. “But I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t completely throw me when you kissed me.”
Jace’s face fell. “I know. That was stupid. I…” He shook his head “I was lost in the moment. I thought you were there with me.”
“I was.” I blew air through my lips. “I mean, I care about you. I just don’t know in what way yet.” I looked at our joined hands for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “I don’t want to ruin what we already have.”
He cocked his head. “No matter what, Dez, I’d never blame you if things didn’t work out.” He brushed a stray hair behind my ear. “But I at least want to try.”
I bit my lip, thinking. What I’d shared with Reese was so intense, so special. Could that really be over? Just like that? He didn’t even give me a chance to explain before he tossed it away, ignoring me and going out with some other girl. How could I break Jace’s heart in this moment? If I’d ruined everything with Reese, and he was done with us, why did I have to hurt Jace, too?
“Okay.” I pressed my lips together. “But can we take it slow? There’s so much going on. Let’s not lose focus.”
Jace beamed, his eyes squinting into his endearing, smoldering smile. He pulled my hands toward him and wrapped his arms around me in an intimate embrace. I guess this is slow for him, at least compared to the kiss. I hugged him.
He was still my Jace.
I pulled back, ready to find Nick and Lana, and Reese caught my eye. My heart plummeted. His eyes trailed over me and my hand holding Jace’s. His face pinched, then he turned his back to us.
He was acting just like the Narcos that had raised him. I gritted my teeth, and anger burned in the pit of my stomach like a ball of Flame.