47
Daniels was really pissed off. Her day had begun so well having breakfast with Jo but had since turned into a ’mare. They’d not spent quality time together for ages. Hadn’t been able to catch up before Gormley’s call dragged her away, let alone finish talking about something they’d both been dancing round for weeks. When they last spoke privately, Jo had dropped a bombshell: she’d been offered a secondment in a local prison to work alongside a friend she’d gone to university with. The psychiatrist, Martin Stamp, had asked her to join him on a research programme studying the characteristics of serious sex offenders and the effects of custody upon them – a subject close to her heart.
In Daniels’ considered opinion there was an easy answer to that: sex offenders were a waste of space. They hardly ever admitted culpability and didn’t like being locked up. What was to research? And who the fuck wanted to work in a prison anyway?
Staring blankly out of her window, she wondered whether Jo would accept the job and hoped to God she wouldn’t. The programme was due to start at the end of the year and would last for twelve months. The psychologist originally chosen for the project had baled. Emily McCann – a lovely woman Daniels and Jo both knew personally – had recently lost her husband and didn’t feel able to take it on in addition to a demanding caseload. And who could blame her? She’d not only lost the love of her life, but she had a teenage daughter at home grieving the loss of her father and giving her mother a seriously hard time.
Daniels sighed.
If Jo took Emily’s place it would mean suspending her work with Northumbria Police. For personal reasons, Daniels had tried to talk her out of it. But she knew that if Jo’s mind was made up, there wasn’t a hope in hell of changing it. She could be as stubborn as two-year-old when she wanted to be. The only saving grace was that she wouldn’t be moving away.
Grateful for small mercies, Daniels scooped up her phone to call her. Her finger hovered over the call button for a second. Then she hit the return key and chucked the phone on her desk, deciding that what she had to say was best said in person.
Or was it?
In her back yard earlier, she’d wimped out. With the warmth of the sun on their faces and the faint smell of suntan lotion in the air, they were having such a good time, it felt like they were still together. It was magical while it lasted. Not wanting to spoil the moment, Daniels had avoided the thorny subject of Jo’s leaving, hoping it would sort itself out – which, of course, it was never going to. Finally Jo had broached the matter herself, but then duty called and Daniels had to leave in a hurry.
Same old, same old.
Daniels felt guilty now, an emotion that turned to depression as a horrible thought dawned on her. If Jo was getting itchy feet, maybe the research project would lead to other positions that would take her away from Newcastle for good. When she’d come into Daniels’ life, never in her wildest dreams did she imagine her leaving again. But now . . . Picking up the phone once more, she dialled that all-important number and waited.
Jo picked up on the third ring.
Dispensing with a cheery Hello, it’s me, or even Hiya, Daniels decided that this was no time for small talk. She went straight for the jugular. ‘Will you at least think about what I said this morning?’
‘You said something this morning?’ Jo was teasing her. ‘I was under the impression you were checking me out when you thought I wasn’t looking. Could be wrong, but I was half expecting you to rip my clothes off right there in the yard. I seem to recall you have previous for it.’
Daniels laughed. She had this thing about getting up close and personal in the open air and remembered the experience vividly. Thankfully her neighbours both sides were away on holiday at the time. Other memories crowded in on her: making love in the middle of an oilseed rape field at dusk; on an empty beach in Crete, unaware that an ocean liner had sailed into the bay and dropped anchor. The expression on Jo’s face when she sat up and saw several pairs of binoculars trained on them was priceless.
‘I’m serious, Jo. I don’t want to lose you.’
That sounded so lame.
‘There are other profilers,’ Jo said.
‘Not like you, there aren’t.’
‘Are we still speaking professionally?’
There was a short pause. Jo was angry and had a damn good right to be. Had they been in the same room, Daniels would have reached out, taken her in her arms and begged her not to go, or at least tried to say something that would make her stay.
‘Remember what I said to you, first time I took you to Hartside Pass?’ she said.
The line went dead.
Daniels sighed. Hartside Pass was her fuck-off destination, her favourite place in the whole wide world, a place where she went to mull stuff over and get things into perspective. A wilderness in the middle of nowhere, long since abandoned to the elements. A summit from where it was possible to see right across the Solway Firth to Scotland, as well as Great Gable and Skiddaw in the Lakes. A place she only ever visited alone.
With one exception.
Redialling, she willed Jo to answer.
She picked up, but didn’t speak.
Daniels took a deep breath and tried again.
‘Please don’t hang up. Just tell me you remember . . .’ An icy silence followed. ‘OK, then don’t. Just believe me when I say that I meant what I said, Jo – every word of it.’
‘You ready to share that with anyone else?’
Daniels looked at the ceiling. This was so difficult for her. She had vowed to win Jo back, whatever it took. But she was asking such a lot. Asking her to give up the chance of making it to the very top of a career she’d poured her life and soul into. No matter how many people told her otherwise, she couldn’t – wouldn’t – risk jeopardizing that. In a blinding flash she realized she wasn’t ready to make their relationship public and probably never would be.
‘That’s what I thought.’ Jo’s words were clipped. ‘You’re full of shit, you know that?’
‘What do you want me to say? That our break-up is down to me? That I’m willing to accept responsibility for it? I do. It’s all my fault. Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I wake up alone every morning wishing things were back the way they were?’ Daniels paused. ‘I’m crazy about you.’
‘That’s never been the issue.’
‘Exactly! So what does it matter who knows, who doesn’t?’
‘It matters, OK? I’m not living my life as your secret!’ A phone rang in the background. Jo’s get-out-of-jail card. ‘Look, Kate, I’ve got to go.’
‘Don’t hang up! Listen, you’d hate being locked up in a prison. You’ve always said so. Imagine having to be there every single day. It’ll drive you insane. Besides, who else would I argue with?’
‘I haven’t yet accepted the post – not that it’s any of your business.’
Jo excused herself and hung up. Daniels sat for a long moment, realizing she’d made matters ten times worse. She pocketed her phone and stood up. It was time for the evening briefing.