Denae stopped that train of thought. If she let herself, she could come up with hundreds of different scenarios where people betrayed her.
What Matt and her department had done left a mental scar she wasn’t sure she could ever overcome. It would be bad enough that she was going to be on the run for her life. How could she ever trust anyone again?
Every meal she ate that she didn’t cook herself could be laced with poison. Every person a potential murderer. Every place a possible death trap.
There would be no nights of sleep. She would have to move every few days, making sure wherever she decided to lay her head was protected, as well as setting an alarm of some sort to let her know if someone was trying to get in.
That was not the life she wanted. It wasn’t a life she could live.
“Stop,” she told Banan. “Just stop and let me out. It might be better if MI5 killed me.”
“They won’t kill you,” Henry said as he turned to look at her. “They’ll torture you until they get the information out of you. Then they’ll kill you and make it look like someone at Dreagan did it.”
Denae closed her eyes and blew out a harsh breath. She knew that was exactly what MI5 would do, but she had never been on the receiving end of their attacks. If she let herself, she would begin to question every operation she went on. “I don’t want to be on the run forever. That’s not a life. That’s merely living. I can never have a family, never trust anyone.”
“It’ll get easier.”
She opened her eyes to glare at Henry. “No, it won’t. I’ll never be able to go home or even make friends. I’ll wonder if everyone I meet is connected to MI5 and a potential enemy.”
“It’ll keep you on your toes,” Banan said.
“It’ll be hell.”
Kellan asked, “You would rather die?”
She turned her head to him. “Isn’t what I’m about to do pretty much what you’ve been doing? Only you get to stay in one place. What would you rather?”
“Your choice is life or death, Denae,” he said. “Death is easy. Life is hard. But you have the ability to choose what kind of life you’ll have.”
The Range Rover slowed and turned. Denae looked out the window and saw the sea.
“We’re here,” Banan said.
She remained silent while they navigated through the docks until Banan stopped the SUV and turned off the engine. For a moment, no one moved.
Banan then unbuckled his seat belt and turned around. “Henry and I are going to go look around. Good luck, Denae.”
She couldn’t return his smile, but she gave him a nod. “Thanks.”
Henry held out his hand to her and she saw the dagger encased in black leather. “Take this,” he told her. “It’s always good to have a hidden weapon.”
Denae accepted the gift. “Thank you.”
“Kellan is right. You have a choice now. Safe travels.”
Her stomach was in knots by the time she and Kellan were left alone in the vehicle. She turned the knife over and over in her hand. “When will you wipe my memories?”
“Before you get on the boat.”
“And if we’re not alone? It’s just the four of us against whoever is out there?”
“Aye,” Kellan said. “No’ that you need to worry. I’ll be surprised if MI5 tracked us here. You’ll be on the boat shortly with a new identity and leaving all of this behind.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It is. Are you ready?”
Denae answered him by opening her door and stepping out. The smell of salt filled her nose as the wind brushed from the sea and over her. Gulls cried loudly while boats tied to the dock moaned against the waves.
Kellan waited for her at the front of the Range Rover. She walked to him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong.
“What is it?” he asked when she kept looking around.
“We got away too easy. Way too easy.”
Kellan’s brow puckered. “We planned for that.”
“You don’t understand. They’ll have been watching.”
“It’s sixty thousand acres. They can no’ watch it all.”
She wanted to believe him, but that nagging feeling had saved her life before. She wasn’t going to ignore it now. “When do I leave?”
“We need to meet Con and Rhys for your identity packet. Your boat leaves in half an hour.”
She scanned the boats she could see, wondering which of them she would board that would take her far away from Kellan and his mesmerizing green eyes. “Where is it taking me?”
“There are several ports it’ll stop at. You get to choose when you want to depart. Come,” he said and directed her to a wooden building painted what was supposed to have been a cream, but so much paint had chipped away that it looked gray from the exposed boards.
Inside, it didn’t get any better. Denae expected it to fall down around her. She sat on a wooden crate and looked at Kellan. The wind had whipped his long hair about, and the way he ran his fingers through it was one of the sexiest things she had ever seen.
She had never liked long hair on guys. Until she met Kellan. Now, she wanted to tangle her fingers in it and beg him never to cut it.