chapter Nine
“You know I would never let anything happen to you.” Arys’s voice thundered through the house. “You can’t punish me for doing what I feel is best.”
“I’m not trying to punish you, Arys. I’m trying to warn you.” I moved around the kitchen in my bathrobe, making a much-needed latte. Sunrise had driven us inside where our argument had picked up right where it had left off, much to my dismay.
Arys sat at the island watching me. His glower was both sexy and frightening. This was going to be a hell of a long day if we were at each other’s throats the entire time.
“And, I’m trying to make you see that right now we need to choose the lesser of two evils. And, that is Shya. We can bargain with him. There’s no hope of bargaining with a woman who has already killed to get to you.”
The afterglow had been short lived. No amount of sensual lovemaking could eliminate the ever-burning conflict we shared. In light of everything that had gone on lately, I wanted to feel united with Arys. It wasn’t happening.
Shirtless, his hair standing up in disarray from our backyard romp, Arys flipped through a newspaper flyer. He turned the pages angrily, as if the paper itself had dared to defy him. Stifling a sigh, I turned back to the coffee machine, tapping my fingers on the counter as a stream of steamed milk filled a mug. I found it increasingly difficult to suppress my growing irritation.
“There is no lesser of two evils,” I said quietly. “Not this time.”
“It’s better to have Shya working with us rather than against us. You’ve got to pick your battles, Alexa. This is not the time to battle him.”
I stirred a splash of Irish cream into my coffee and lifted the cup to my lips for a sip. Heavenly. I would miss many things when I became a vampire. Caffeine and liquor would be high on that list.
“What about battling each other?” I quipped. “When does that stop?”
Arys ignored my question, feigning interest in a flyer for a furniture sale. “Shya won’t harm you. He swore not to.”
“Oh yeah? What did you have to promise him in return for that oath?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” His evasiveness worried me. Hiding things wasn’t new for Arys, but it was rarely ever good.
“Don’t play this game with me.” My temper flared. The urge to smack him with my coffee mug was strong.
Arys dragged his gaze to mine. It was guarded, impossible to read as he decided how much to tell me.
“I promised to torture some information out of someone for him.” He tried to come off as flippant, like it was no big deal. It didn’t work on me. I’ve been inside Arys’s mind. I knew how he worked.
“Who?”
I drank my coffee, staring at him over the rim of the cup. Tension had me gripping it a little too tightly, and I had to force myself to relax.
“Bianca,” he said with a shrug. “I can’t imagine why you’d have a problem with that.”
I was conflicted. She was one of the few people I truly despised. I would have the image of her atop Shaz burned forever in my memory. Still, it felt wrong to stand back and allow Arys to do horrible things to her.
“She saved my ass from Kale,” I uttered the words in a hollow tone.
“So what? She also f*cked and bled your wolf. Several times.” Arys laughed bitterly. “Too little too late. Isn’t that what you said to Briggs? Some actions can never be forgiven.”
My gaze dropped to the granite counter top. I didn’t know what to say. Too much had gone on recently. With Shaz’s indiscretions, my own rash actions and Arys’s readiness to kill without a second thought, forgiveness was a touchy subject. One we ultimately had to accept, or live always with walls between us.
I walked over to the heavily draped patio door and split the blinds apart an inch with a finger. Arys was far from where the beam of light fell inside the kitchen. I peered out at the sunlit backyard. Sparrows and chickadees fluttered about the patio, ducking into the small birdhouse filled with seeds. It had been Kylarai’s idea.
I watched as a squirrel scampered up, lacking stealth but making up for it with speed. It swiped some seeds from the bird feeder and disappeared across the lawn with several birds chirping harshly at its retreating form. The sense of calm I got just from watching the activity of nature out my door was instant. I took a deep breath before turning back to Arys.
“What information does Shya want from Bianca?”
“He’s looking for something. He thinks the FPA knows where it is. That’s all I know. I didn’t ask a lot of questions. He didn’t volunteer a lot of answers.”
That triggered a memory of Lilah not so long ago searching Veryl’s office for a mystery item. Now, I was intrigued. If it was something everyone wanted, there had to be a good reason. My gaze darted to the laptop on the table. Veryl’s files might shed some light on this mystery.
“You should know better,” I scolded. “You could be helping him get his hands on something he should never have.”
“Honestly, as long as it doesn’t affect us, I don’t give a damn what Shya does.”
I grumbled obscenities under my breath. With coffee in hand, I sat down in front of the laptop and turned it on. I could feel Arys watching me.
“Always on the hunt for answers,” he observed. “You’re going to drive yourself crazy.”
“Already halfway there,” I tossed back. “Every time I find answers, I only end up with more questions. I can’t stop looking. I’m sick of being in the dark. Especially now that I know my parents worked for the FPA.”
Arys’s noise of surprise gave me some satisfaction… Until he followed it up with a snotty remark.
“That explains so much, although it doesn’t explain why the hell you would willingly walk back into that building if you knew that. You’re reckless, Alexa. I get that. I grudgingly accept it. But, when did you become such a fool?”
“Did you just call me stupid?” I spun in my chair to face him, a growl rumbling in my throat.
A smirk curved his lips. “I did no such thing. Are you looking for a fight, my love? You know I’m always happy to comply.”
“I noticed.” With a scowl, I turned back to the laptop. I was touchy and temperamental. I was mad at him for making a deal with Shya, certain it would come back to haunt us.
“Are you really that pissed off at me? I only want to protect you.” His tone was serious; all sense of playfulness had vanished.
“I feel betrayed,” I confessed. “You warned me about Shya. You gave me shit for accepting the Dragon Claw from him. Now, you’re making deals with him. It’s shady. It makes me ill.”
The silence hung heavy and long. I stared at my laptop. I was afraid to see what expression he wore. The truth was I felt insecure. I’d already lost Shaz. Kale had gone from forbidden lover to murderous enemy. Arys was mine in the deepest sense, yet the promise of trial and conflict between twin flames had me worried. We weren’t meant to live happily ever after.
There was a squeak as Arys slid off the island stool. He joined me at the table, dragging a chair close to mine. “What is it you’re not saying?”
“I miss Shaz like crazy.” I sighed; those words carried a heavy weight. “I watched us fall apart, and I was helpless to stop it. I can’t go through that again. Not with you.”
“That will never happen,” he insisted, but I could see the doubt in his eyes. He knew as well as I did that being bound to one another didn’t guarantee us anything. Arys was quiet, thoughtful. After a minute he added, “Shaz misses you like crazy too, you know.”
I stiffened. The files momentarily forgotten, I turned to him in shock. “Has he been in touch with you?”
Arys froze. If the vampire could have paled, he would have. Realizing the error of his words, he shook his head and swore.
“He’s called a few times.” The admittance fell from his lips like acid. It burned. “He needed to know you were ok.”
“Then why didn’t he call me?” It stung that Shaz would stay in touch with the man he could barely stand but not with me. “And, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
Arys reached to take my hand, but I stood up and walked away from the table. I felt betrayed by both of them. How many other things were the two of them hiding from me? Maybe I was blowing it up bigger than it was. I’d been missing Shaz for weeks now, fearing that he would never come back. This hurt.
“He asked me not to tell you. He knew if he called you, he wouldn’t be able to stay away. It’s killing him not to be here with you, but he’s feeling better now. The urges, the need for a fix, it’s not consuming him anymore.”
My shoulders slumped and I sighed. “That’s good. I’m happy to hear that. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. And, it irks me when you guys talk about me. It’s stupid, I know.”
I felt remorseful. I couldn’t begrudge Shaz the time and space he needed. I owed him the same understanding he’d shown me so many times.
“You don’t want us fighting, but you don’t want us talking.” Arys forced a dramatic sigh. “Make up your mind, woman.”
I smiled, a painfully tight action. “Yeah. Good luck with that.”
Knowing Shaz was doing well would go a long way in helping me sleep easier. It didn’t erase the irritation I felt toward Arys for hiding the information. He knew how desperately I’d been missing my wolf mate. He’d had the ability to ease my mind, but he chose not to.
My phone rang before I could further vent my frustration. The fast-paced strains of “Gangnam Style” filled the room, and I flipped Arys the bird. He made no attempt to hide his glee. The bastard was always changing my ringtone to the most ridiculous songs. He’d do anything to embarrass or annoy me.
It was Brogan, not entirely unexpected but possibly worrisome.
“Brogan, hey,” I answered. “Everything ok?”
“Fine. I didn’t wake you, did I? I wasn’t sure if you’d be asleep or not.”
“Nope. Not yet. What’s up?”
Her voice was tight, pitched a little higher than normal. “Gabriel’s mother called. She said he never came home last night. I’m worried about him.”
“Shit,” I cursed. “Any idea where he may be?”
“At the moment? No. But, I know his buddy’s band is playing a gig tonight at The Spirit Room. I think there’s a good chance he’ll be there.” There was hesitation on the line. “Would you mind coming with me to check it out? I know you have more pressing things to deal with. No worries if you can’t make it.”
I didn’t have to consider it for long. Gabriel was practically a kid but a powerful one. Shya wanted him; therefore, I wanted to make sure Shya never got him. Plus, I still had to put the squeeze on Gabriel myself. He had a vision when he touched me, and I damn well wanted to know what it was.
“I can make it. No problem. What time should I meet you there?”
When I hung up, Arys was giving me the look that meant he was going to shadow me all night while ridiculing my decision.
“Don’t start with me, Arys.” I held up a hand, cutting him off before he could speak the words that accompanied the look.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” The look he shot me oozed the sarcasm his tone did not convey. “Just be careful, ok? I know you want to save the kid, but don’t forget you need some saving yourself.”
I laughed scathingly; I wasn’t willingly playing the victim. Between Lilah’s sick attempt to force my hand and Kale’s blatant abuse, I was done with it.
“Wrong. Maybe it’s time for everybody else to need a little saving from me,” I snarled, angry with no one in particular but angry just the same. “I’m sick of pretending I’m not one of the monsters. Maybe it’s time to start acting like one.”
A frown blended with a scowl to adorn Arys’s face in a dark expression. “Careful what you say, love. We both know you don’t mean that.”
“Like hell I don’t.”
Arys left the table, coming to pull me into his arms. I tensed at first out of sheer stubbornness, but I could never resist him. Sinking into the comfort of his embrace, I sought something deeper, something permanent. There was no such thing. We lived moment to moment, and I had to be grateful for that. I was, but looking ahead, fearing what had yet to come and might never come, it was breaking me down. I would face Lilah when the time was right. Until then I intended to protect people like Gabriel from the demons and the FPA.
“Come on,” he guided me toward the stairs. “Let’s go to bed. You need to sleep once in a while.”
“You go ahead.” I cast a longing glance at the laptop. “I’ll be up in a few minutes. Promise.”
Arys’s gaze strayed warily to the computer. “Alright. Don’t be long. Or, I’ll come down here and carry you off over my shoulder. Caveman style.”
I waited until he’d gone up to my bedroom to grab the laptop off the table and slip out onto the patio. Settling myself in a chair where I could watch the birds, I opened up a file and began to read about Kale’s sadistic mental state when Veryl first recruited him. It hit too close for comfort, so I put it away for another day and opened a different folder instead.
I shielded my eyes from the bright morning rays. The sun didn’t burn me as it would a vampire, but I was incredibly sensitive to it. Though I genuinely enjoyed its brightness and warmth, I couldn’t handle it for long.
Veryl had done an impressive job compiling info on all of us. I was a little awed by his collection of tidbits on people who had outlived me by centuries. It would take time to peruse it all thoroughly. Since Arys was waiting for me, I skimmed through, marking parts to return to later.
I would have loved to spend all day reading the dirt Veryl kept on everybody, but fatigue was setting in. The events of my night caught up to me, and I yawned, exhausted. I had places to be later, and if I wanted to be of any use to Gabriel, I needed to sleep.* * * *
A restless slumber had me tossing and turning. Every time I started to slip beneath the surface into unconsciousness, I would feel Kale’s hands on me again. I’d awake with a jolt, safe in the confines of my darkened bedroom.
I lay there with Arys stretched out beside me. If the frown etched on his face was an indication, Arys’s dreams were also less than pleasant. Closing my eyes, I snuggled in against him.
My thoughts strayed to Veryl’s files. There was a lot to go through yet. So far, I had learned that Shya had promised Lilah protection if she would help him keep his demons in line. What I wanted to know was protection from whom?
The night she had given me the Dragon Claw, she told me Veryl was blackmailing her. His threats to expose her to someone had fueled her need to see him dead. That was where I came in. I had been the one to kill Veryl, and I wondered if I would regret it.
If I kill him, everything he has on me leaks to the people I want it kept from. That’s what she said, her reason why I had to kill Veryl. So, Lilah did have a weakness. I just had to find out who it was. There’s no time like the present. I started to sit up, and Arys’s arms went around me, his grip tight.
“Don’t even think about it,” he muttered into his pillow. “There’s at least three hours until sunset. Go back to sleep.”
“I can’t. I was just going to do some reading.”
“No.”
I lay back down and huffed, a dramatic exhalation of breath. “It’s important. About Lilah.”
“No.” Arys pulled me closer, burying his face in my neck. “It can wait a few more hours.”
“Fine.” I didn’t really want to argue. I was happy to stay put beside him. He was right. I needed to let things go for a while, at least long enough to get a decent sleep.
In Arys’s arms I drifted back to sleep, finding peaceful rest this time instead of fitful dreams. When I woke again after sunset, I was just starting to feel rested. With a groan, I hugged my pillow closer. Would a sleep-in day be so wrong?
Against my will, I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. I had time to peruse the files further before heading to the city.
“Come back to bed for a bit, Alexa.” Arys beckoned me with a finger. “It’s a wonder you even slept at all.”
“I’m not tired. Besides, I want to read through the rest of those files before we go.” I stood in the en suite bathroom dragging a brush through my long, wet hair.
“The files can wait. They’ve waited this long.” The weight of his gaze was heavy upon me.
“No, they can’t wait. The FPA used Raoul’s affair with my mom to murder my parents. That’s why they have Juliet. They would have me, too, if Veryl and Shya hadn’t intervened.” I met his eyes in the mirror. “That was in the files along with some info that may help me deal with Lilah. I need to read the rest.”
I filled him in on the details I had while examining my reflection. I gave my head of ash blonde hair a shake. Maybe it was time for another change, something big.
“Maybe I should cut my hair,” I mused. “What do you think?”
Arys shook his head vehemently. “I think you should read the files. Anything to keep you from hacking off that sexy mane.”
I smiled. It was a small victory, but I’d take it. While Arys took over the shower, I hurriedly did my makeup. Dark, smoky liner outlined my brown eyes. A dash of mascara, a hint of blush, and I was done. I dressed in black leather pants and a cleavage-enhancing top. Then, I was off to the kitchen where I promptly got acquainted with a cup of coffee.
I was limited on time so again I scrolled through the files waiting for something to catch my eye. I needed a solid day to do nothing but read Veryl’s meticulous notes. He’d gone to great lengths to obtain and keep some of this information. I was eager to dive in. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be tonight.
“Don’t get obsessed, Alexa.” Arys swept into the kitchen with the scent of shampoo trailing him. His hair was wet and he was shirtless.
“I’m not,” I said, distracted by the sheer beauty of him. “Now that I have access to the files, I’m afraid not to take advantage of it.”
Arys leaned down to kiss me. Cold drops of water fell from his hair to run down my chest. “Damn, you look sexy tonight. You’ll have men falling at your feet. Think you can fight in those pants?”
“I’m hoping not to have to fight at all. But, I can fight in anything.” I grinned. “If anyone has people falling at their feet, it will be you. I have yet to meet a woman that doesn’t want to be your victim.”
“Does that include you?” He nuzzled me, a wolfish gesture that spoke volumes as to the depths of our bond.
Reaching around me, Arys closed my laptop despite my protests. “We should go soon,” he said. “If you want to be ready for anything, we should hunt first.”
“No way.” I slapped his hand away from the computer. “I don’t want to. Just give me a stiff whiskey, and I’m good to go.”
“Until the bloodlust hits you, and you lose your friggin’ mind.” Arys gave me a dark look.
Ignoring him, I gathered my things. I tossed my phone into my shoulder bag and swiped my car keys off the counter.
“Since you won’t let me dig up dirt on Lilah, let’s get going. If you want to suck some young thing dry, that’s your business. I don’t want any part of it tonight.” I headed for the front entry to dig through my footwear. Arys was hot on my heels.
“When are you going to accept what you are?” He boldly swiped the shoe out of my hand and tossed it on the floor. “You’re not human. You never will be again. Denying what you are will only hurt you in the long run.”
With an indignant glare, I picked up a pair of boots and studied them. “I know what I am, Arys. I’m a werewolf. In case you’ve forgotten.”
I slipped the black ankle boots on. They had enough heel to give my petite frame some additional height but were still low enough to run or fight in. It was a warm night. I was torn. If I wanted to carry the Dragon Claw, I’d have to wear a long coat.
“You’re more than a werewolf. You’re vampire too.” Arys’s tone was hard, unrelenting. “You can’t run from that. Living in denial will drive you crazy. You can either accept it and stay sane or end up like Sinclair, a five-hundred-year-old basket case.”
I zipped the boots up and turned to face him. “I get that you’re having a hard time with this. I admit it; I’m scared shitless to become a vampire. It’s not like I have a choice, but I’ll deal with it my own way, in my own time. Back off.”
The tension between us soared. We stared at one another, and I saw my anger reflected in his eyes. I didn’t want to go head to head with him again. Not tonight.
Arys’s energy was scorching hot. A muscle twitched in his jaw. I was dreading the tirade that was coming. He surprised me. Spinning on his heel, he stormed upstairs to finish getting dressed. His parting shot was deadly, a blade of words that sliced deep.
“Fine. You’re on your own. When you lose your f*cking mind and drown in a sea of blood, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”