chapter Sixteen
For the first time in a long while, I slept a deep, uninterrupted sleep. A night of power binging was enough to grant me a dreamless slumber. It was similar to the effects of a human booze binge but intensified several times over.
I flung my arm out at one point, searching for Arys and finding the rest of the bed empty. Disappointment crushed me. I rolled over and hugged my pillow, falling back into the depths of sleep. Then, I slipped into Arys’s mind, and the bloodstained images flooded me with an unholy hunger.
Screams rang in my ears, accompanied by his wicked laughter. He wanted to make someone hurt the way he was hurting. He needed them to beg and cry so he could take pleasure in the torment. Only when he caused suffering did he himself cease to suffer. Arys saw nothing but the couple he had chosen to inflict his wrath upon.
If he felt my presence, he didn’t acknowledge it. The scent of blood was so strong it choked me. I woke up with a start, sitting straight up in my bed. The screams faded, replaced with the pounding of my heart. The hunger remained.
I sat there shaking in my bed despite the heat that had me throwing off the sheets. I was thankful Jez had returned to her apartment. After making me promise several times not to go after Lilah again without her, she had bravely gone home to face an apartment filled with memories.
As I went through the motions of showering and brushing my teeth, I could focus only on one thing: the heady rush that came with taking blood. Ravenous and impatient, I rushed through my human activities. A solid eight-hour sleep and the meal I’d eaten before bed had helped, but it wasn’t what I needed to be at full strength. That would only come from stealing the life force from another. As much as I hated it, I wouldn’t be sated until I had.
My eyes glowed Arys’s vampire blue. Absorbing another’s power so it visibly showed was unsettling. It made me feel a little like a freak, though what didn’t these days?
Bloodlust drove me. I didn’t think; I just acted. Like an addict who feels no remorse until after they get a fix, I moved mechanically, need and buried hurt guiding me. I should have known how Arys would choose to deal with the pain I’d inflicted.
It hadn’t been my intent. I was hurting, too. I didn’t know how to be apart from him. I couldn’t accept that I could no longer exist without him. Lilah’s remark about the twin flame bond being a curse lingered, taunting me, telling me it was true.
“Lying f*cking demon,” I muttered, punching buttons on the radio in the Charger. The country station was out of the question. A Top 40 station playing a lost love ballad was quickly changed. I settled on a heavy metal satellite radio station and headed for the city with electric guitars screaming in my ears.
If I couldn’t hand Lilah over to Salem, I would have no choice but to keep confronting her until one of us was no longer standing. First, I had a desperate hunger to take care of, whether I liked it or not. Unfortunately, I would like it, and I would hate that.
I found myself sitting in The Wicked Kiss parking lot half an hour later. What was I thinking? I shouldn’t be here. Not only was it the one place I’d told myself I would never patronize, but Kale’s classic Camaro was parked near the rear door. He’d moved it for the first time in weeks.
I watched those milling about the front entry smoking and talking. Their raucous laughter carried. I saw them all as prey, ready and willing victims just waiting for someone like me to choose them.
Where was Arys right now? Tearing apart the couple I saw in his mind? Or, had that been a memory? I gripped the steering wheel tight and fought back the bloody images that surfaced. If I went into the club, I might not be able to control myself. And, though I sure as hell couldn’t avoid Kale forever, I just wasn’t up to that tonight.
I left the car and breathed deeply of the crisp night air. It did nothing to clear the haze of bloodlust fogging my head. I had just one purpose.
The will to fight had left me. The blood hunger ruled, and I thought of nothing but appeasing it. In a black skirt that flowed around my knees and a red halter-top, I crossed the lot with a predatory gait.
Upon walking through the lobby into the club, I was hit with the dizzying rush of excited energy oozing from those inside. I embraced it, wrapping it around me like a blanket. I wasn’t in the mood to wait out the right victim. I scanned the crowd for my chosen one.
Kale was near the dance floor with a tall brunette in his arms. He whispered in her ear. She blushed and threw her head back in laughter. He looked at me, and I redirected my gaze. I wasn’t here for him.
I prowled through the club, careful to give Kale and his playmate a wide berth. A guy standing alone near the bar caught my eye. Judging by his heavy metal attire, consisting of leather and chains, he was here to party. A pretty boy with slick black hair, he would do just fine.
Once our eyes met, I knew he was mine. Crooking a finger, I invited him to come to me. I tilted my head and gave him a come-hither look he couldn’t deny.
The anticipation was foreplay like no other. The build-up to that inevitable moment when he would be mine was a pleasure all its own. I couldn’t wait to taste him. Nothing else mattered but that moment. Vampires existed for this alone; the hunt made all other thoughts disappear. Problems ceased to exist. For now, I was in control, and it felt damn good.
“Looking for a friend for the night?” He asked when we stood face to face. His dark eyes sparkled with intrigue.
“You could say that.” I pulled him close and gazed deep into him. It wasn’t hard to lure him in. I’d so often been the victim of a vampire’s thrall that it felt liberating to be the one behind the manipulation.
“Go easy on me,” he said with a boyish smile. “I’m a bit of a newbie.”
I searched him; the innocence in his eyes almost stopped me. He wasn’t yet immersed in this world of vicious lust and pleasure that always comes at a personal price.
“What brings you into a place like this?” My lips brushed his neck as I whispered in his ear.
“What else? The curiosity. The thrill. The chance to run into a woman like you.” He nodded appreciatively, looking me over with a glazed expression evident of my influence. “What’s your name?”
“No names,” I said with a shake of my head. A grin tugged at my lips. Arys’s vampiric essence flowed from me, entrapping my victim in an unseen force.
My patience wore thin. It was getting harder to keep from tearing into him like a rabid dog. That would be quick and gratuitous, a waste. I resisted only to draw out the moment, savoring every second of agonizing anticipation.
I shoved him against the wall in the small corridor that joined the club to the back hall. His heart raced sporadically, and fear mingled with his masculine human scent. My fangs sprang forth, and I growled.
He pushed against me, but I held him with no difficulty. Intrigue turned to panic, and he struggled harder. A small voice nagged me, my conscience, demanding to know how I could be the one that destroyed this innocent. He wasn’t an evil doer. He wasn’t even a blood whore. He didn’t belong here.
I pressed my lips lightly to his, aligning his energy with mine. I could feel every beat of his heart. The blood rushing through his body was loud, an echo in my ears. I wanted to have him beneath me, screaming even as he begged for more.
“Come with me.”
I led him along to the back hall and selected the closest empty room, two doors down from Kale’s dirty little hole in the wall. Kale was the only vampire here to have his own regular room. I could only imagine how many nights he’d spent there, lost in the throes of bloodlust-fueled euphoria.
With just a thought, the door burst open, bouncing off the wall. I shoved the nameless man in first and kicked the door shut. He sat on the end of the bed, staring up at me in mesmerized wonder. I climbed into his lap and forced his head to the side. Running my tongue over the pulsing vein in his neck, I slid closer to the edge of the abyss.
His eyes were wide in fear, but his body responded to me with lust. I had no intention of following through with my seduction though I could have bathed in the waves of sensuality emanating from him.
I was running out of time. If I didn’t stop now, I would kill him. I did my best to avoid killing innocents. I preferred to target the pimps and johns exploiting young girls or the gangsters that gunned each other down over the slightest dispute. A*sholes with blood on their hands, they were my victims of choice. Otherwise, I couldn’t live with myself.
“Don’t stop,” he pleaded when I pulled back. “Your touch feels like electricity.”
“I can’t do this,” I said. “You shouldn’t be here. You’ll end up dead.”
My words didn’t match my actions. I shoved him back on the bed, pinning his arms to the bed. It would take just one bite to cause a fount of blood to burst forth. One bite would kill the ache inside me.
I dragged a claw lightly over his throat, careful not to puncture. It would be so easy to bleed him, but I couldn’t. This was everything I dreaded about being a vampire. If I couldn’t control myself now, I would end up like Kale and Arys, killing out of sheer joy.
“No,” I said aloud to nobody in particular. “I won’t do this.”
Two opposing natures warred within me. Every part of me screamed to drain him of all his blood and energy; I needed it. I shouldn’t have come here. I knew better. Allowing the bloodlust to make me a slave was no way to maintain control.
My victim’s arms went around me. He tried to pull me closer. Caught up in my spell, he didn’t have the sense to fear for his life. Though his heart beat in a fear-driven pattern, he acted according to the passion I’d stirred.
I panicked. I jerked back from his grasp and leaped off the bed as the door opened. Kale stood there with his female companion wearing a knowing smile and a black eye. Vampires heal fast, but Arys had inflicted a hell of a lot of damage.
In my hungry haze, Kale’s saccharine energy immediately captivated me. He couldn’t appease my need for human blood, but he always called to my power-hungry nature.
“Well, look who’s treading on the dark side,” Kale said with a brow raised in scrutiny. “Is this a private party, or is there room for two more?”
Before I could respond, he pushed the woman in ahead of him and closed the door behind him with a malicious grin lighting up his handsome face. I was conflicted, torn between longing to touch the shiner framing his brown eye and wanting to smack the smirk off his face.
“Get out of here, Kale,” I said through bared fangs. “Stay away from me.”
“I wish I could. You’re too deep inside me now. I can’t get rid of you. Your other half couldn’t beat it out of me. So, here we are.” Madness shone in his eyes. It was something I’d seen before, when his precarious hold on sanity had slipped.
I was instantly defensive. “We’re not doing this.”
Kale grabbed the woman and jerked her close. She gasped but melted into his embrace. He moved her hair to expose her neck. Then, he bit fast and deep. His fangs plunged through her flesh. She cried out, and her eyes rolled back in her head. He shoved her into me, bleeding and swooning.
“Looks like we are.”
I felt myself slip, even as I desperately tried to grasp onto the ledge. I had been dangerously close to the edge since waking tonight. All it took was the scent of fresh blood to send me over the threshold.
Once I tasted the sweet scarlet nectar, I snapped. I tore into her viciously. My savage nature exploded in a violent storm. Even as I lost myself to the bliss moment, I thought of Arys and his warning that I would lose control. I knew I should feel ashamed, but right then, losing control felt so damn good.
The guy on the bed was no longer so disillusioned about us. He lunged for the door in an attempt to escape. Kale intercepted him. More blood flowed as Kale and I killed together yet again. Enablers, that’s what we were to each other, an excuse, someone to blame for making it so easy to give in to the weakness again.
Devouring the life force of my victim caused my power to flare. I felt alive and free, ready for another round with Lilah and whatever lackeys she could throw at me. Shya might owe her allegiance, but I owed her nothing.
I sensed movement and threw a hand up to ward off Kale. Finished with his victim, he licked the blood from his lips. He stood between the door and me. Flying high on the rush of the kill, I watched his slow approach eagerly.
“And now, we’re alone.” Dressed head to toe in black, Kale was like a shadow gliding toward me. His energy called to me, tempting me.
I chose not to answer. Engaging with him further would lead to no good. It was hard to resist him when he so openly gave off what I was seeking. My succubus traits were deeply ingrained because of my link to Arys. Blood was only part of the feed. I gleaned as much power from the tantric energy of desire and lust, and Kale’s energy spilled over with longing.
He couldn’t be trusted. I had become someone he loathed only because I was someone he loved. What a bittersweet knife in the gut love could be.
Kale reached out to me metaphysically, luring me with the burning desire he couldn’t hide. I tensed, fearful that any move I made would send me into his arms. He was a killer, drawing me in. It was working.
“You want it, don’t you?” He asked. “You always do. You know how to get what you want from me. Isn’t that right?”
I couldn’t speak. My tongue felt heavy in my mouth. I did want him. Goddammit, I always did. He craved me in a way that was tangible. The passion he carried for me fed my succubus yearning for erotic energy.
“I don’t want anything from you.” I stood my ground. Backing away would only encourage him.
“Then, why do you keep going out of your way to save me?” He stopped just inches away. He used his height to tower over me in a domineering stance. “Shya. The FPA. Even your beloved Arys. Is there anyone you won’t save me from?”
There was no correct response to that. My cheeks burned. I was tired of defending my choices to both Kale and Arys.
“Myself, maybe,” I said, refusing to be cowed.
My temper flared, and my wolf rose to the surface, bristling at his close proximity. I tensed, ready to slap him with a psi ball. It was what he wanted. At least, I thought it was.
With careful yet brazen manipulations Kale created a gentle push and pull of power between us. It was daring and downright inappropriate. It was an intimate touch, lacking only a physical connection. He draped that honey sweet energy over me, and I groaned. The high from the kill beckoned me to chase the ecstasy he promised. Why stop now?
“You let your actions say the things that will never cross your lips.” Kale’s voice dropped low, a sensual sound. “You torment me, and I was broken so long ago.”
He threw me up against the wall, trapping me with an arm on either side of my body. My teeth smacked together from the impact. I growled.
“I know what you’re doing. Provoking me into a fight is not going to end the way you want it to.”
I wrestled the urge to hit him with a shot hard enough to send him crashing through the door. I was curious. Could I do it? Knowing that he wanted a strong reaction from me kept me from giving him one.
Instead, I said, “I didn’t break you, Kale. I’m not the one who made you so twisted.”
I stiffened when he leaned in to lick a drop of blood off my lip, but I couldn’t stop myself from nipping at him. The battle for control continued. I was high on the kill, and Kale was high on me. This could end badly in so many ways.
Kale laughed, a devious sound that told me I should be afraid, but I wasn’t. Not yet. I was too caught up in the tidal wave of power between us. He was unpredictable and clearly up to no good, yet I couldn’t resist him. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed this game between us, one we both sought to win.
“No, someone else created my hunger. But, tasting your blood brought it back to life. Vampire heroin, that’s what you are. I wonder, will the hold you have on me break when you have breathed your last mortal breath?” Boldly, he laid a hand on my chest, watching it rise and fall.
“So, that’s what this is about.” Understanding settled in with the first cold spark of apprehension. “You kill me, you free yourself.”
I raised a hand to throw him off, but he caught it and slammed it against the wall. His timing was impeccable tonight. He was running at full power. Clearly, he had been binging.
“Something like that.” He ran his hand down my thigh, tugging up the hem of my skirt. “It doesn’t have to be that way. Put me out of my misery.”
Such bittersweet agony. Part of me despised him for what he’d done to me in the FPA basement. He had been an animal, seeing me as only a victim. It was a loveless attack. Here, with the high of the kill riding me and a memory of one night in the rain dancing through my head, I wanted to take what he was giving.
“I won’t do it,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m sorry my blood is some madness-inducing vampire candy, but I’m not responsible for your suicidal tendency. No matter how you come to your end, Kale, I promise you, it will never be me.”
I wanted to slap his hand away; I knew I should. Butterflies tickled my insides as his fingers slid over my skin. He brushed his lips ever so lightly against mine.
“Are you sure about that?”
His touch was seductive, painfully so. I knew I could devour him. I wasn’t a prisoner this time, and he had no advantage. Though, I knew from experience, he would put up one hell of a fight.
Thinking too much would only succeed in furthering my role as his victim. Instinct was what made me kiss him. I pressed my lips to his, slipping my tongue inside his mouth to taste the human blood he’d consumed. I ran a hand through his hair, making a surprised sound when he bit my bottom lip. Sucking at the small cut, Kale held himself at a distance, his body shaking with the restraint.
The vampire’s will to control and manipulate others drove my actions. It wanted what it wanted, and the human side of me had no say in that. I was lost inside myself, a prisoner in my own body as a force bigger than I was made a slave of me.
My bloodlust had been sated, but my hunger was just getting started. I drew on his lust, feeding off the smitten vampire’s forbidden desires. The raw truth spilled from me as I whispered, “My love for you is selfish. It’s built on weakness. I see in you what I hate in myself. I can’t suffer alone. So, I choose you to suffer with me.”
He shoved away from me then. “Why me? What did I ever do to deserve to be a slave for you?”
“You fell in love with me. I didn’t manipulate your feelings. I didn’t ask for this either, Kale. Do you think you suffer alone? Get your head out of your ass and look around you. There are two choices: submit or suffer.” I advanced on him, going so far as to toss a little power at him.
He toppled over the foot of the bed, narrowly missing the fallen body of the brunette. He was on his feet with a flash of angry energy, lashing out with a hit that I blocked with a hand.
“Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?” he asked, the darkness seeping into his mismatched eyes. “There are no choices in that kind of love. There is only misery and madness.”
Moving fast, he dropped for a leg sweep that knocked mine out from under me. I gazed up at him and waited for his next move. I was starting to get sick of Arys being right all the time, but in this case, he was. I would never again be safe with Kale.
He pulled me up off the floor and shoved me. I tripped on the leg of a corpse and caught myself before falling.
“The first man I ever loved was a liar, a womanizer and an egomaniac. He was my mother’s lover. I’ve watched those I love desert me, betray me and die. You think I don’t know pain?” My voice caught.
My fingers tingled from the power running through me. I held back, unwilling to lash out at him again. I didn’t want to hurt him. I would never give him the true death he sought from me.
His eyes were hard to read. He remained silent for so long, a knot formed in my stomach. Slowly, he reached out to smooth the hair back from my face. His hand lingered; he caressed my cheek as though my skin was fire to the touch.
“I always knew making love to you would drive me mad,” he said, his gaze on mine. “As much as I ache to touch you, I fear it as well.”
I caught his hand in mine and pressed my lips to his palm. “Please, Kale, let me help you.”
“They tortured me in there. The FPA. With blood and women, they drove me mad, and all I could think about was you.”
“I came for you, Kale. Twice. I tried to get you out.” There was a desperate note to my voice that made me flinch. “I tried.”
“I know.” His expression hardened. He grabbed my wrist tight, his fingers dug into the dragon etched in my flesh. “You made a deal with a demon that sealed both your fate and mine. I begged you not to.”
“I did it because I love you,” I shouted. “But, we can’t be together. We are terrible for each other, Kale. Look at this.” I gestured to the bloody room, the bodies on the floor. “We’re the Mickey and Mallory Knox of vampires. All we bring each other is more pain and misery. That’s what we share. It’s all we’ve ever shared.”
“You’re right. That will never change. But, I can’t go on like this.”
He draped me in his power, exuding a heady pull I couldn’t resist. All of a sudden, he was kissing me with a desperate fervor, a dying man’s last gasp for air. There was so much in his kiss: love, fear and, ultimately, abandon. Whatever thin threads remained on his tie to sanity weren’t just snapping, he was cutting them. I understood. It’s easier to give in.
“Kale, don’t,” I gasped between kisses. “Please, don’t let go.”
“I can’t walk this line anymore.” His mouth was warm on mine, his hands lost in my hair. “One day, you’ll regret that you didn’t kill me when you had your chance.”
I should have stopped him. After worrying about him for weeks, to have him here, alive and in my arms, was a sinful dream come true. So, instead of beating the ass of the vampire who had violently abused me in a psychotic craze, I held him close while he surrendered to the calling darkness we all held inside.
“You want me.” His lips moved upon mine as he spoke. “Right now, you want to consume every part of me. To devour my power until it is yours, to take all I am until there is nothing left but dust and to have me buried inside you as you do it.”
I said nothing. By refusing to deny the truth, I was acknowledging it.
Kale slowly trailed a hand up my thigh, just barely touching. He circled around to stand behind me. I sighed at the heat of his mouth on the back of my neck.
“Perhaps you’d like me to take you from behind. You almost begged me to once.” To accompany his words, he dragged fangs over my sensitive skin, careful not to break the surface, not yet.
Willpower had left the building long ago. I yearned for Kale. The recent weeks we had been apart had made me miss this feeling, this certainty that he was mine. I reveled in it now.
I spun to face him. “Actually, I’d prefer to ride you until you can’t remember your own name. I want to look into those beautiful eyes while you beg me for more. And then, I want to make you hurt for it.”
A mischievous grin lit up Kale’s face. “If I could fall any harder for you, that would do it. We share something more than just weakness. You just didn’t know it before.”
“The wolf,” I breathed.
“I have been both wolf and vampire, as you are and will be. That’s one thing that neither of your men can claim.” He nuzzled me then, a wolfish gesture that was so natural, like he’d been wolf just yesterday. I gazed at him in wonder, and he laughed. “It never leaves you, even when you wish it would. Like a hybrid, it’s there but trapped inside. I’d hoped you would never know about me.”
“Why?” I caught his face in my hands, peering deep into him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“Why, Kale?” A loud hum followed my demand as the electricity in the building surged along with my mood. “I’m terrified of losing my wolf. I don’t want to rise as a vampire if that’s what it means.”
He pulled away, refusing to provide me the solace he once offered. “I didn’t want to be the one to tell you. I couldn’t bring myself to break your heart that way.”
“You could have warned me,” I sputtered as emotion overcame me. “I trusted you.”
“You should know better than to trust any vampire,” he snapped. “Including your other half. You think he didn’t know you would lose the wolf?”
Angry energy spilled from me, and Kale reacted to it. His pupils dilated dangerously. I didn’t want to talk about Arys with him. Instead, I targeted the rest of what he’d just said.
“Are you saying I was wrong to trust you all these years?” I wanted to reach for him but stopped mid-motion.
Kale leaned in close, fangs flashing threateningly. “Never trust a man that wants to bleed you as bad as he wants to f*ck you.”
I recoiled in horror. His vicious words stung. “Get out, Kale, before I find a way to take your misery to a whole new level.”
His chuckle was like an icy hand on my spine. “I’m in you now, just as much as you’re in me. That’s why you can’t let me go.”
I was a mass of confusion. My body remained flushed with wanton heat for him. My heart was stone cold.
Kale pressed against me, close enough for me to feel his arousal. With a finger beneath my chin, he tipped my head back and bent to drag his tongue along the throbbing vein in my neck. I swooned, leaning into him despite the power I held ready.
“I am going to make you so crazy, Alexa, that the only way out will be to drive a stake through my heart.” With that, he released me and left the room without a backward glance.