Dark Lycan (Carpathian)

“It’s possible. That’s definitely one of the most feared moments for any Carpathian. Males refer to that moment as the madness thrall. You hold light in you, Tatijana, but we’re all darkness until you provide us with that light. You’ve given me life,” he tried to explain. She might be able to understand, because she had to have felt hopeless in those long, barren years prisoner in the ice caves.

“The centuries go on endlessly. There’s nothing but the kill. After a while a hunter begins to look forward to the kill because there is nothing else for him. There is no beauty in the world.” He looked around him. “Look at this. The falls, the pools and forest. The colors, so vibrant. Without you, I couldn’t see any of this. I wouldn’t even notice it. You provided that for me. I had no ability to feel for others. I hunted. I killed. I fed. That was my life. That’s the life of a Carpathian male. I was luckier than most because I found the Lycans. For a long while I could see as a wolf sees, but as my abilities as a . . . Guardian grew, so did the darkness in me.”

Tatijana pressed closer if it was possible, holding him tight in her arms.

“Can you imagine what it would be like for me, having been given these incredible gifts, this miracle of a lifemate who allows me to see such beauty in the world, to feel so intensely, such emotion and then have it ripped away? A madness grips, takes over. Most get through it, but not all.”

“Is it really a choice then, to become the vampire?” Tatijana asked.

“I haven’t been in that situation, but because the decision has to be made, give up one’s soul or follow your lifemate, it is decreed that it is a choice. I believe, in a moment of madness, anyone can make a bad decision.”

“How sad. How tragic.”

“It’s both,” he agreed. “But once he’s vampire, then there is no choice for the hunter. He must destroy the undead, even if it’s one’s father, brother or best friend. Vampires are wholly evil. Believe me, Tatijana, over the centuries, I’ve tried to reach one or two and pull them back.”

She nuzzled his throat. “Of course you did. You had little or no emotions, but you still had it in you to try.”

“We have memories. That is one thing we don’t lose. That is the one gift left to us. Our memories are vivid and very much alive. They do fade as the centuries go by, but we hold them close to us. Dimitri and I aided one another, keeping those important memories alive in one another. If not for him, I would have met the dawn a century ago. The pull of evil is so strong in a mixed blood. I think the predator is strong in both species, and when they come together it is far worse as time goes by and the gifts develop.”

“I feel sorry for Abel if he did lose a lifemate. I can’t imagine losing you. But Fen, if something happens to me, follow me. I don’t want to think of you lost without me and I can’t get to you to save you.”

She frowned up at him and he tried not to melt. It seemed a ridiculous thing to do for a Carpathian hunter and worse for a Guardian. One shouldn’t find their lifemate’s frowns adorable.

“I’ll do my best to always stay honorable, my lady,” he assured her.

“You’re worried about Dimitri, aren’t you?”

“I don’t worry that he will turn,” he said slowly. “The connection between Skyler and Dimitri is very strong. Intense. I’ve never seen anything like it, but, having said that, he puts himself in harm’s way more than I would like.”

She laughed softly. “In other words, he’s just like you. You throw yourself in front of people when there’s danger. Is that what you mean?”

He tugged on a strand of her hair. “He took me in even when I explained the dangers of what I was to him. He went into battle with me over and over and when we gave each other blood to survive, he knew the risks and still did it anyway.” He caught her chin and lifted it, forcing her to look up at him. “As you’re doing now.”

“And always, my Guardian, you have to know it is my choice. Just as it is Dimitri’s choice. None of us have control over what another does, we can only control ourselves. Dimitri is a strong man. He’s one of the best in any battle. He’s known for some time that he’s becoming as you are . . .”

“Yet he didn’t tell me until this evening.”

“He’s a man who handles his own life, just as you do,” Tatijana said. “He may be your younger brother, but he caught up with you many centuries ago. He has a need to protect you, just as you protect him. Skyler returned his emotions to him and he feels deeply. You can’t fault him for being a man.”

She spoke the truth and Fen knew it. Dimitri would always be his own man. He’d make his own decisions. Fate had given Dimitri the skills of a hunter and he’d excelled at his job.

“I love that the two of you are so close. I don’t know what I’d do without Bronnie. We definitely relied on each other all those centuries. It’s nice to know you understand that unbreakable bond we have.”

Fen sighed. The sky overhead was becoming lighter in spite of the rainclouds drifting across. “We have to go to ground, my lady.”