When I’ve organized my dinner down to the gram, I leave the kitchen and step into the dining hall. It’s like hitting a land mine because the place is a war zone. Bright lights and human noise fray my nerves. Pieces of food lie strewn about like casualties. Waffle fries, cornbread, sheet cake, olive slices that resemble eyes, even a scattering of chicken bones have been ground into the thin carpet and tracked across the room. Disgusting. I’ve never figured out why a school that values tradition as much as ours can’t be bothered to teach its students basic manners. And God forbid anyone might clear their own tray every now and then. The only time it’s even halfway civilized around here is Sunday evenings, when the faculty eats with us. That’s when we knot our ties and wear good shoes and the girls are forbidden to bare arms.
I clench my jaw and hold my head high as I walk to an empty table in the far corner by the windows overlooking the playing fields. If my arrogance doesn’t drive others away, the fact that I keep my nose buried in Faust certainly will. I could sit with the other runners, but I’m team captain this year. Distance is good. Separation of authority, it keeps the natural order of things.
I sit. Eat. Read.
“Hey.”
I tense but don’t look up. I know that voice.
“Hey, Teddy.”
He slides across from me, a narrow reed. Something’s wrong. He’s twitchier than usual, blue eyes bouncing around behind wire-rimmed glasses and skinny fingers pattering across the tabletop.
“I saw you,” he blurts out.
“You saw me?”
His nose quivers and the moles on his face look like Dalmatian spots. He’s that pale. He inches his body toward mine.
“You know,” he says in a tone that’s supposed to sound serious. “This morning. You were by the bridge when the cops were down there. Doing their investigation thing.”
“Was I?” In fact I was, but I make it a rule not to reveal any detail about myself without good cause.
“Come on, Win. If you know something, spill it. They said an animal killed that guy. Whatever it was, it’s probably still out there.”
“It probably is,” I echo. The rumors about an animal in the nearby woods have been whispered all over campus ever since that hiker was found dead out there, although the school hasn’t made an official announcement. The guy was a townie, not a student. Technically, they don’t have to say anything, but my gut says they’ll address the matter eventually. It’s an issue of public safety. Of course, it’s not a forest animal that I’m concerned with, but I did overhear a cop say the guy went missing weeks ago. Weeks. Now I can’t help but wonder if it happened during the last full moon.
The back of my neck tingles.
Now I can’t help but wonder if I had something to do with it.
“Winston,” Teddy says, leaning closer. He wants to intimidate me.
I stare back. We lock eyes and I don’t move. Not a goddamn muscle.
It works. Teddy slumps in an act of submission, like a dog rolling on its back. But let’s face it, I’m not his alpha male and we both know it.
“I can’t find Lex,” he whines. “He’s missing. I’ve looked everywhere.”
Lex. Of course. That’s what this is about.
“He’s not missing,” I say. “I saw him this afternoon.” Unfortunately I didn’t see him until after he shoved me in the back while I was pissing into the river. I think he took pictures of me, too. By now he’s probably uploaded them onto the Internet and is trying to register me as a sex offender.
“You’re sure?” Teddy asks, and right then one of the cooks comes out and shouts that they’re closing in five and would we mind making sure there are precisely six chairs at every table. I shake my head. I can’t imagine what he’s thinking when he says this. An MMA event has broken out, right in the middle of the floor, complete with thundering body slams and flying furniture. It’ll be a plus if the chairs just make it through in one piece. But, hey, shoot for the stars, as my dad used to say.
Ssssnap!
In a flash, the past comes over me—
getoverheredrew
—and then it’s gone, then it’s taken a part of me with it. Sweat gathers on my brow. I turn back to Teddy, and I don’t think he’s noticed, but I feel dark. I feel used.
“I’m absolutely sure,” I tell him. “I absolutely saw Lex.”
“Yeah, well, he didn’t show up for band practice. He’s not in his room, either. I just checked.”
“So what’s your point?”
“My point is that the guy they found was…” Teddy licks his lips. “Lex knew him.”
“How?”
“He was at that party last year. You know the one I’m talking about.”
“I do?”
“Yes. I recognized his picture on the news. The dead guy and his friend, they were there that night. At the Rite of Spring. I’m sure of it. Lex talked to them before he went back to the dorms and, you know—”
“Right,” I say quickly, because I do know what he’s talking about and because I don’t want to reminisce about the time Lex Emil OD’d. Not again. He was my roommate for two years, and last April I saved his life. In return he’s made mine a living hell. “Well, what are you worried about? He’s fine.”
Teddy shakes his head. “He’s different this year, Win. I can’t talk to him like I used to. He’s drinking again. Way too much.”
I push away the queasy stitch that feels like guilt. I’m good at that by now. “Why are you telling me this? He hates me.”
“It’s not hate! Lex just—”
“Look, I don’t think you have to worry about Lex’s well-being unless he plans on roaming around the woods at night by himself.”