Her blue eyes searched his face for a long time. She looked close to tears.
“Baby, I’m not asking anything of you,” he said softly. “I know you’re not there yet. You still have no reason to trust me, but you committed to me a few nights ago. You gave yourself to me, put yourself back on the line, and not once in the last four days have you brought up the fact that I lied to you when we met. Not one time. You were true to your word and you’re trying to put it behind us. Do you know how big a gift that is to me? What you gave me? Do you have any idea what giving that to me means to me?” She was the most unusual woman on earth. He couldn’t imagine another woman forgiving him and putting herself in harm’s way again, not like that. And not throwing it in his face at every opportunity.
He reached around her to take the cap off the bottle and hand it to her. “Drink. You have to be thirsty after all that. I intend to take the best care of you. The kind of care you give me, Cat. You make me feel loved whether you know it or not.”
“I’ve never had anyone love me.” She made the admission in a small, shaky voice and immediately took a drink. Her hand trembled as she held the bottle to her mouth so he steadied her hand for her with his own.
His heart turned over. Melted. “That isn’t true.”
“No. It is. It is true. My birth mother died having me. My father remarried when I was about two. He died a year later. I don’t remember much about him and nothing about my birth mother. He left me with Tracy and for as long as I can remember, she did drugs and drank. She was the only mother I ever had, the only person I had growing up, but I was definitely in her way. And then she gave me to Rafe.”
He brought his hand up to the nape of her neck, fingers working at her muscles there. “Tracy Benoit isn’t your birth mother?” Why didn’t anyone have that information? It wasn’t in her file.
What he really wanted to know was her reaction to his admission – his confession. She looked a little shell-shocked. His Catarina could take him being rough and bossy and arrogant far easier than when he was loving and kind to her. Now he knew why. She’d never had loving and kind. She didn’t know what to do with that.
Catarina shook her head. She was stunned. Shocked. Unable to process what Eli had just said to her. She heard the ring of truth in his voice. Her leopard might be quiet, but already her senses were stretching Cat’s. Eli loved her. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself and hug that declaration to her. Instinctively she knew he wasn’t a man to use the word love if he didn’t mean it. Even meaning it, saying it would be difficult.
“I’ve never told a woman I loved her, because it wasn’t true,” Eli said. “Not even when I was undercover. I refused to ever take it that far. I knew if I ever got the chance to say it, I’d want it to be only for the one woman I really loved. Somehow it felt if I said it when it wasn’t true, it would cheapen it for the woman I loved. So there it is, baby. It’s you. Only you.”
Her heart actually hurt, a physical pain. She couldn’t say it back because she didn’t honestly know what she felt. She was still afraid of him – of them. No, that wasn’t the truth. She was afraid of herself. She didn’t understand relationships and she was leery of committing her heart and soul too far. She’d just opened herself up to him when he’d betrayed her and that had hurt so bad. If she allowed herself to really feel everything for him, the way she wanted her relationship to be, that intense, that strong, and she lost him, she would be totally destroyed. She was too fragile.
“Thank you for telling me, Eli,” she whispered. “I want us to work. I don’t want our relationship to be just about our leopards or the sex.” She didn’t even know if that was the truth. Part of her wanted to keep it simple. The leopards. Sex. That wouldn’t hurt so much if she lost it. But the biggest part of her wanted the fairy tale. She wanted what Eli was holding out to her. She just didn’t know if she was brave enough to grab on with both hands.
“Let’s get you inside before it gets any colder.”
“I don’t feel cold.” She liked being snuggled so tight in his arms. It felt intimate.