He glanced at her. “Anything you want to know about shifters, baby, you just have to ask.”
“I know. You always answer my questions, Eli, and I love that about you. I can’t tell you how important it is to me that you care enough to answer my questions.” She glanced out the window into the night. “You’ve made my life so different.”
“I want your life to be everything you’ve ever dreamt about.”
Her head turned toward him. Her eyes were soft. “I never dreamt about anything but getting away from Rafe. I don’t think I know what normal is, but I’m happy. Really, really happy, and you’ve done that.”
He reached out and tugged at her braid, a reminder that he liked her hair down. “I want you to feel safe as well, Cat. I don’t like that you were still afraid to meet our neighbors because you thought Cordeau might hurt them.”
There was no hesitation. None at all. Catarina’s hands went up to her hair and she began removing pins until the thick braid fell free, snaking down her shoulder to pool on the seat. She began working on the tie, absently, as if she wasn’t paying the least attention. “I was afraid. I think it’s an automatic reaction, but it’s getting less. I wasn’t so paranoid that I refused to go.”
“You could have,” Eli said. “You know that, right? You don’t have to do everything I say.”
Her eyes went soft. “Seriously? Eli, I know that. I like doing things for you, but if I didn’t want to, I’d let you know. We’d argue because you like your way, but I’d stand my ground. I’m not afraid of you.”
He opened his mouth to respond but stopped, going over what she’d just said. Playing back every inflection of her voice. I’m not afraid of you. That wasn’t an idle statement. She was giving him something else. Something important. Something sacred. It was big, and he needed to get it.
“Never be afraid of me, baby. No matter how much I growl at you, and it will happen. I’m not always nice. We both know that, but I’d never hurt you, not in a million years.”
“I know that, Eli. I really do.” Her hands loosened the weave of the braid. “I’m not afraid in our home at all. I was at Emma’s because I think I’ve been afraid for so long that I couldn’t help myself.”
He reached over and took her hand, pulling it to his thigh and holding it there. “Time will fix that, Kitten. I’m glad you had fun with Emma. Jake is worried about her. She nearly died during her last pregnancy, and she still wanted another baby.”
He pulled her hand to his mouth and nibbled on the pads of her fingers for a moment before returning her palm to his thigh. “Jake wanted a surrogate, but Emma insisted on carrying. He gave in.” He took a breath and looked at her. “I wouldn’t have, baby. I want to give you every damn thing you want, but I wouldn’t have been able to give you that.”
He wanted her to understand. He’d thought a lot about what Jake said, and he understood that he’d have to give concessions to her when things mattered. He knew that and he would. But not when it came to her health. Not when it could be life or death. She was so inside of him that he knew he wouldn’t have a life without her. It didn’t make sense. It happened fast. He hadn’t even known he wasn’t living until she smiled at him. Until she laughed with him. Until she looked at him with trust in her eyes.
“Eli, I’m not going to have trouble carrying babies. Emma was in a terrible car accident. She told me about it. She told me she knew she’d have to go on bed rest, but the doctor assured her she shouldn’t have the same problems delivering. They’re going to take the baby early, do a C-section.”
He pulled onto the private road that led to their home. “Still, you have to know there’s some things I can’t give you. No matter how much I want to, I won’t risk your life for any reason.”
He felt her eyes on him but he didn’t look at her. He couldn’t. He was still inside. Waiting. This moment was too important to him. Her acceptance of who and what he was. He wanted to give her the real Eli, good and bad, and let her make her choice – she was seeing it now. He would be implacable, immovable, when it came to safety and health issues. She had to see that in him. He would ride roughshod over her and he’d win – even if it meant losing in the end.
“Okay, Eli. I get that,” she said softly. “We’ll work it out. You always tell me to talk to you when things are important to me or if I have questions. I’m learning to do that. You have to promise to do the same. Don’t dictate to me when it’s an important issue to you. Talk to me about it so I understand what it means to you.”
Sheer relief had him tightening his fingers around hers. “That’s a promise, baby.” She was his. She was perfect for him. She “got” him and took him just the way he was. She wouldn’t always like it and she had an unexpected temper that he liked, but she was still choosing him.
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