Mandoran found it easier; Kaylin wasn’t certain why. Mandoran was therefore allowed out of doors, because Helen didn’t consider him to be a danger. Either that or she just wanted peace and quiet; Mandoran was chatty. And whiny.
But the Emperor’s hoard was the empire, and the heart of the empire was his city. He was unlikely to calmly accept that the loss of so many lives had been accidental, and seen that way, Kaylin wouldn’t entirely blame him. But she was a Hawk, and intent did matter.
*
Helen was waiting at the door when Kaylin arrived home.
“What happened?”
“You have an appointment at the palace.”
“Since when?”
“Since this afternoon. I believe both you and Bellusdeo are expected to attend Lord Diarmat.”
“Since when?”
“As I said—”
“We’ve been given indefinite leave from those lessons!”
“You were given leave from them during the Aerian crisis, yes. And during Lord Diarmat’s recovery. He believes, however, that he has recovered enough to recommence.”
“But—”
“Word has reached the Imperial Court of your invitation to the Consort. In and of itself, this would not constitute an emergency. Word, however, has also made clear that the Consort has accepted.”
Kaylin wilted. “I’m supposed to go talk to Evanton after dinner.”
“Evanton, I’m afraid, will have to wait.”
“I think it’s about the cohort. And the Hallionne. He wants me to talk to the elemental water, because he thinks she knows something.”
Helen sighed. “I’ll leave it up to you, dear. I know it might make things easier for the boys—and for Teela, who is very, very worried. But I also know that ignoring Lord Diarmat means that your interactions with him in future will be even more difficult.”
Kaylin snorted. “I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Oh, it’s possible,” Bellusdeo said. “Why are you just standing there? We’re going to be late.”
Kaylin had about a hundred good arguments for why she wasn’t going at all—but the thought of being late to a lesson taught by Diarmat was enough to swamp them all with a kind of visceral dread.
*
“Your carriage is almost at the door,” Helen announced. “It should be here momentarily.”
Of course there was a carriage, feet being inappropriate for a Lord of the Dragon Court. Then again, wings were better than feet, and they were technically illegal without Imperial permission. Bellusdeo did not ask anyone for permission. The Dragon was wearing her feline grin as she made her way to the front door, where Helen waited.
Kaylin was surprised when she therefore spoke in her serious voice.
“I’m worried about the boys, too.”
“Mandoran will have conniptions if he knows you’re calling them that.”
“Mandoran has conniptions when he’s breathing. He’ll live.” Bellusdeo exhaled a thin stream of smoke. “I admit that I’ve been curious about the Consort for a while, and as your last informal dinner was surprisingly enjoyable, I think I’d enjoy this one.”
“Did you tell Diarmat?”
Bellusdeo raised a brow in Kaylin’s direction. “Since I don’t consider a dinner an emergency, no. I generally attempt to curtail all communication with Diarmat.”
“Would you mind very much if I strangled Emmerian?”
The second brow joined the first. “Why Emmerian?”
“If you weren’t the source, he probably was.”
“I wouldn’t mind terribly if you tried—he doesn’t seem to have our racial temper, and it’s not likely to get you killed. It is, however, likely to be humiliating for you, and I have to live with you.” She exhaled again, without apparently having bothered to inhale first. “This is tied in to Candallar, yes?”
“I think so. One of the Hawks did try to kill Teela. She’s officially saying Canatel’s involvement was all a misunderstanding, by the way.”
“Yes, attempts at murder are often misunderstandings. Unless it involves armies, in which case it’s diplomacy. I understand why she lied, though.”
“Maybe it’s not a lie.”
“Maybe I’m not a Dragon.” The familiar squawked and the Dragon sighed. “Teela is a Lord. She’s a ruler on a very small scale. The Barrani who joined the Hawks probably did so at her command. Implicit in that command is the power to protect, and in this case, she considers the failure her own. She does not feel betrayed.”
“Would you?”
“I’m a Dragon, Kaylin.”
“So...that’s a yes? Or a no?”
“Yes, I would feel betrayed. But Dragons in the Aeries resolved these so-called misunderstandings immediately; they did not wait, lie, and attempt to discern the source of the difficulty; they did not stoop to politics. Either I would have died, or the attacker would have died; I would not be concerned with his life. Teela is. She’s surprising to me, in many ways. I understand why Annarion and Mandoran are different—they’re young.” Before Kaylin could correct her, she lifted a hand. “If they are ancient, they are ancient in the same way I am. We are all displaced, Kaylin. We are all people who no longer have a home.”
“You’ve got Helen.”
“Helen is yours. None of us would have Helen if Helen had not chosen you, and she would have chosen none of us had we applied—is that the correct word?—for lodging.”
“You can’t know that—”
“She is correct,” Helen said.
“But—”
“What Bellusdeo, Annarion or Mandoran want from a home is not what you wanted. What they want, I could give, but it’s not what I want. I do not judge them unworthy,” she added, correctly divining Kaylin’s objection. “I like them all a great deal. But liking and living with are not the same. What I wanted to be, you wanted. That is why I chose you.”
Bellusdeo nodded, unruffled. “You had no home for most of your living memory. Not until you crossed the Ablayne, and even then, you were out of place: you were far too young to be a Hawk, and too young to be living on your own.”
“I lived on my own,” Kaylin said, trying not to feel indignant.
“You had your own apartment, yes—one which Caitlin found for you. But everyone you knew had keys.”
“Not everyone.”
“The point is: you were also an outsider. And you wanted to come inside, which I believe is considered perfectly normal for humans. Barrani might, when very young, have some of that same desire—but they understand, if they survive, that inside is often far more deadly. And Dragons? We don’t share well. It takes concentrated effort, and a type of self-control that is lamentably rare among my kin. We don’t require company.
“If you want, I’ll head Diarmat off, and you can go to Evanton’s.”
“The Emperor will have my head.”
“Oh?” This was distinctly chillier. Kaylin almost kicked herself. She had not expected to like the Emperor—and in truth, he seemed a bit above something as petty as like or dislike—but she hadn’t expected to feel any sympathy for him. Ever. Yet she did. She understood that in his own fashion he was trying his level best, where Bellusdeo was concerned, and she didn’t want to become the reason that Bellusdeo continued her dogged anger at him.