The silence that followed was obviously an argument, but again, it was inaudible to anyone who was not a member of the cohort. Kaylin glanced at Bellusdeo, who had withdrawn entirely from all conversation. The Dragon shook her head as she met Kaylin’s gaze; the motion reminded Kaylin of Allaron’s.
“I agreed to it,” Sedarias said, the majority apparently having gone against her, “for the reasons I stated. They were strangers, to me. We were twelve. We were meant to gain power, to become more useful tools for our families. In my house, we were not abandoned to the green—we were chosen for it. We understood the possible advantages. And we were people who desired power, because power was as close to safety as we could come.
“I won what was, in human terms, a very crooked election in my family line. And it was meant to be: we were meant to hone our power. We were meant to prove our worth.” Every word was bitter. “Most of what you call the cohort were abandoned. They were not chosen as I was chosen. They were sent because of the chance—but their families valued their children in some fashion; they therefore sent those who would not otherwise be missed should the regalia fail. As it did.”
Most, Kaylin thought. She wondered who the exceptions were, but didn’t ask.
“We voted,” she continued. “We had already started to form small alliances, but we had not yet hardened our lines of conflict. If it was not my idea,” she continued, “I was the first to offer my name.”
This, no one argued against.
“Why?” Kaylin asked.
“There are risks one takes. It was...a dare, if you will. I believed then—and believe, even now—that my name cannot be used against me.” Even saying it, Sedarias did not look entirely comfortable. “I was first. But everyone took that risk. Everyone was willing to take it.” She closed her eyes. “Yes. We came back for Teela. We knew what the regalia had cost her. I did not understand her mother. I did not therefore fully understand Teela. But I understood Teela’s truth.
“I know all of our truths.” Speaking thus, she looked to Terrano; he met, and held, her gaze. “I want us to be safe—and I don’t believe in safety. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
Kaylin shook her head. “I don’t believe in safety, either. But I do believe we can build something better. I didn’t. For a long time, I didn’t. I was afraid of having something to lose. I’m afraid of losing what I have, now. But...I’m willing to fight for it. I’m not willing to destroy it by pretending it doesn’t exist.”
“Teela says you’re constantly willing to destroy it because you overestimate your ability to survive.”
“Tell Teela that I’m not dead yet.”
“She considers this proof of the miraculous.”
Kaylin nodded, but continued. “If you feel this way about the High Court and the Barrani, why are you going to the High Halls to take the Test of Name?”
“Because Annarion is going,” Serralyn said. It was the first time she’d spoken out loud, and her answer overlapped Terrano’s, but without his eye-rolling disgust.
“Annarion chose,” Sedarias said, confirming Serralyn’s words. “He was always more tied to this world than I. He wants his family line back. He wants his ancestral home. And he wants his brother free of the fiefs.”
“I don’t think his brother wants to be free of the fiefs.”
“Not noticeably, no. I didn’t say he was smart; I said it was what he wanted. It’s what he feels his duty is. His upbringing was faulty,” she continued. “He won’t survive in the High Halls, even if he passes that Test.” She winced. “I have not been idle since your departure from the green. My own contacts are a shambles, but I have sources of information; I have a better understanding of the current political structure, and I believe with our aid, he might survive.”
“You seem to be more of a target than Annarion.”
She inclined her head. “My sources will, of course, have other contacts as well.” Her smile was slender and cold. “The sister I killed was not the head of our family, as the family is currently constituted, but she was not working on her own. I did not expect that she would be foolish enough to willingly take on Shadow elements in order to increase her power.”
“For all the good it did her.”
“For all the good it did her,” Sedarias agreed. “We do not intend to disrupt the High Court; we intend to see Annarion through the Test of Name, and pass it ourselves. Becoming Lords of the High Court will provide us with options, should those options be required.” She held up a hand as Kaylin opened her mouth. “We are aware of the risks. With the help of Alsanis, we have been taking the same lessons Helen has been forcing Mandoran and Annarion to take. We’re aware of what happened with the ancestors; we’re aware of what happened with the Shadows. We have been trying, with very limited success, to hear what the Shadows hear.
“And yes, Lord Kaylin, we’re aware that whatever was sent into the outlands was sent hunting us. We believe they expected to find us as easily as they found Annarion and Mandoran. But Helen is a good teacher, if perhaps a bit too lenient; we could have walked these pathways without detection. We did not expect—I did not expect—to encounter either my sister or the High Court here. We did not expect to encounter a war band—I will confess that I am impressed.
“We certainly did not expect the Consort to come to the Hallionne. We did not expect—oh, many things.” She then turned to Terrano. “We didn’t expect to see you, either.”
He was silent.
“We were happy for you,” Sedarias continued, voice soft and almost—almost—pensive. “But there is a silence you once occupied that we cannot, quite, fill.”
“I heard you.”
Sedarias smiled. “You were listening. That would be a first.”
“I gave you my name,” he said.
She nodded. “And now, the risk is rendered irrelevant; you did not resume that name; did not choose to remain, bound and chained, to the world of your birth.” She spoke in a tone that implied envy or yearning. “You should go. We can’t take you with us. I didn’t resent your decision. I didn’t consider it a betrayal. What you wanted, you always wanted. We could see it. I can still see it now. It’s bright, Terrano. It’s shining. You at least escaped this.”
“You could.”
Sedarias shook her head. “Not anymore. Sometimes we are only offered one chance.”
Winston was fidgeting. In his case, that meant lengthening his fingers and tying them into literal knots.
“What will you do?” Terrano asked of Sedarias. Of all of them.
“We will go to Elantra. We will go to the High Halls. We will take the Test of Name. In as much as we can, we will live as our people have lived for millennia. I will take my family. Annarion will regain his. Mandoran will do the same.”
“Mandoran’s not going to like that,” Terrano said.
Sedarias raised a brow. “We will become what we were meant to become, before our lives were interrupted. And when it is time, Terrano, when it is time, we will turn our gaze and attention into the heart of Ravellon, and we will break it. We will reclaim what was lost to our people.”