“You certainly know how to let go of things,” I countered.
“Maggie.” He sighed exasperatingly, like I was being unreasonable and it made me fume even more. “Look. That was almost a year ago. And you know I wouldn’t have broken up with you if you’d told me what was going on with your mom and all.”
“Oh. That makes me feel so much better,” I said and let the sarcasm drip.
“You know what I mean. We’d had that talk, a lot. I’m leaving, we both knew it when we started seeing each other. I thought we agreed it’d be easier if we calmed down a little and just were friends the last year of school. I didn’t date anyone else, you know that. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you.”
It was true. He hadn’t been on one date this whole school year that I’d known about. He and his friends even made a pact to go to prom together as a group. There were a lot of angry girls over this pact as it appeared it caught on and almost the whole football team went stag.
“I know that. But you haven’t talked to me all year,” I said softly.
“Maggie. You wouldn’t return my phone calls. You avoided me at lunch and then started working after school. What else could I do?”
He was right. The only time I talked to him was to yell at him one month after he broke up with me and my mom left. Coincidentally, it was three days after she left that he decided to make the decision for the both of us; the decision that we’d talked about but not come to a conclusion to.
I told him he sucked for deciding that right then was the time to dump me. He said he was sorry, he was there for me. He tried to take it back, even tried to kiss me and hold me but I would have none of it.
I missed him. He was such a nice guy but his timing was just terrible and I was angry at him for it. I was angry that he still wanted to leave me here and go through with his plans. Everyone left me. I tried to summon a semblance of calm.
“You’re right,” I admitted. “I just needed you and I wanted you to want to be there, but not for you to come back because I begged you to.”
“You didn’t beg me, silly girl,” he crooned and pulled me closer for another hug. He spoke into my hair. “I’m so sorry, Mags. I thought I was making things easier for you, for both of us by just trying to be friends instead. I knew how hard it was going to be to leave you. Look at me.” He waited for me to look up, which I did with a sigh. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I’ve missed you.”
“Chad, you’re still leaving. Don’t, ok? I’m sorry for how I acted, but it doesn’t change anything does it? You’re still leaving, University of Florida football.”
“I know. I just hate that this year was wasted like this. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too.” I pulled from his embrace and boy, was it painful. “I’ve gotta go.”
“Please write me. Or call me, text, something. I miss you. I never intended for us to just never speak to each other again. I want to know how you’re doing.”
“I will. I promise. Congrats on the UF scholarship. I always knew you’d get it.”
“Thanks, Mags. I still love you, you know,” he whispered and kissed my cheek, so close to my lips and I fought for composure.
Then he was gone.
I turned to look at him once more and he was walking backwards, watching me, his black grad gown flapping at his sides and his diploma in hand. He waved sadly and then took off towards his truck. If possible, I felt worse than I already had.
“It still boggles my mind how you can eat those things,” my dad said, as he’d said a hundred times before, but this time he sneered it instead of joking with me. “I mean, it’s pure sugar. Sugar and starch and bad for you carbs.”
“Are you saying I need to lose some weight, Dad?”
We sat at the kitchen dinette. I say dinette because it barely fits two people. This was where we’d been ever since that ride home from graduation. It was an utterly silent ride except for one ‘congratulations’ muttered from Dad, nothing more. I had been sitting there for almost an hour now, checking my phone and waiting for Kyle to text me. I never thought I’d ever be waiting for Kyle, but I would have done anything to get out of that house tonight.
I did, however, have a text from Bish.
Congrats, kid. I’m really sorry I couldn’t come, but the boss is on me and interns can’t really negotiate, you know. But I love you and can’t wait to see you. I’ll come home soon for a visit, I promise.
“No.” Dad cut through my moment of happiness with more grumbling. “I’m not saying that, stop being dramatic. I’m saying they’re not good for you.”
“Dad, I’ve eaten honey buns almost every day since birth, along with thousands of other Americans. I’m sure they’re not lethal.”