I took a breath to calm myself and realized by the ache that the pain pills were still percolating. I’d be useless if we left now. “I see your point.” And I’d made an idiot of myself. Again.
Lucas gently cupped my face in his hand, lifting my chin until my gaze met his. “I can’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through, but I know you’ve had to make hard choices and sacrifices. No one should ever blame you for trying to protect your family. You were just a child when it all started.”
I swallowed. It was true. I had been a child. But I’d made so many mistakes. And yet, if I could go back in time, I wasn’t sure how I could change things.
His thumb brushed against my jawline, and goose bumps broke out over my skin. “You’ve done a good job,” he said the words plainly, like he knew they were the truth.
I’d tried so hard to do good, but it always felt like I was wrong. Hearing him say I was doing a good job… It was the first time anyone had ever said that to me.
I couldn’t help the embarrassing sob that broke through. I covered my face. God. I hadn’t cried about any of this in so long. I couldn’t start now.
“You’ve done a good job, Claudia.” He pulled my hands from my face, and brushed the tears away. “But this isn’t your fault. What Luciana has done isn’t your fault.”
I wanted to believe him. So badly. “It is. At least partly.”
“No,” he said firmly. Without a hint of question to his voice. “It’s not. You can only take responsibility for your own actions. You didn’t make Luciana do all those horrible things.” Our faces were so close that our noses were nearly touching. “You were taken advantage of. Abused. Scared. You were a child.”
Abused? No. I’d handed my power over.
“Your parents should have protected you, but they didn’t.” He paused, and I stared into his eyes. Nearly losing myself in those dark pools. “Or maybe they couldn’t protect you. Either way, you are not to blame. Now you’re doing everything you can to fight back. No one could possibly ask more of you.”
With those words, it felt like a weight had been lifted. My parents had left without so much as a thank you. I’d done my best, but that had never been good enough. And here was this guy. Telling me it was okay. That I’d done a good job.
“Come on.” He lay on the bed and pulled me down with him. I rested my head on his chest as I cried. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured as he ran his fingers up and down my arm.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been held. Comforted. Raphael wasn’t a huggy guy. Neither was anyone else in the coven.
But as I lay there, feeling so many different emotions, I wanted to hold on to Lucas forever. That feeling terrified me because now I had someone else in my life that I’d give up everything for. I’d already given so much. What would be left, if I kept giving pieces of myself away?
He hadn’t asked for anything. Not yet. But I knew the other shoe would drop. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But sometime.
Even knowing that, I let myself enjoy this moment. The once in my life that I truly felt loved. Cherished. Taken care of. By a man—a wolf—I barely knew, yet felt so deeply connected with. For as long as this lasted, I gave myself permission to savor it.
This was what love felt like.
And boy, did I want it to last forever.
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning, I woke up sore. Lucas had been right. Leaving in the middle of the night would’ve been dumb, but now I was ready. The clock on my bedside table told me it was just after five in the morning.
After I settled down, Lucas had gotten me some food, and then tucked me into bed and left. Exhaustion—emotional, physical, and magical—hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d barely managed to brush my teeth before climbing under the covers. I’d been so worn out that I hadn’t even put on pajamas—I’d just slept in a pair of underwear and my white camisole.
I stretched in bed, and sure, I was achy and the knot on my head was tender, but I’d live. Now, I needed to make sure that my twin did.
I sent a quick text to Adrian confirming that everything was okay. He texted me back with a hotel address and the news that Raphael was still alive. Shane and Beth had done another healing chant, and he was hanging on.
I let myself relax, just a little. My brother was alive. The clock hadn’t run out yet. Now I needed to get packed before Lucas showed up. We might not have time to come back to the hotel before we had to leave for San Jose.
I was trying to shove everything into my backpack when I heard the knock. I closed the distance and swung open the door without thinking twice about it.
“Good morn—” His voice cut off as his gaze slowly slid down my body.
I glanced down and promptly slammed the door in his face.
Holy moly. I was still in my underwear and camisole. He’d probably seen my nipples through my shirt.
I pressed my hands to my heating face. I’d never been so embarrassed in my life.