“Can I?” he asks.
I stand next to him and place my hands on his hips and lean into him. He smells like soap and something I can’t quite place—something that shouldn’t be there. Smoke? Maybe it’s just from the matches I used to light the candles.
He traces his finger from New York to Europe. His finger draws a few circles, like he’s searching and can’t quite find the place. Then, he lands on Kiev, Ukraine, and pushes the pin.
“My mom took me once,” he says. “When my grandmother passed away. She was one hundred and ten years old. The oldest woman in her village.”
He’s told me this story before, but I smile and say, “That’s amazing.”
“I have good genes.” He pushes his shoulder against mine and smirks. “I bet I’ll live until I’m one hundred and ten, like her.”
But you didn’t, I think, and a pain tugs at my belly.
“Maks,” I start to say. I have to try to explain to him everything that’s happened. That way we can get some answers together. I know my family will be upset, but Alex will understand. She has to.
There’s a hard knock on the door. I feel Maks tense all over.
Speaking of El Pain in My Neck, Alex yells from the other side of my door. “Lula, what the hell is wrong with you?”
Maks twitches, like the thud of her fist is causing him physical pain. I try to soothe him, running my hands along his arms. He shuts his eyes and shoves me away. He loses his own balance in the process and ends up falling against the closet door with a loud thud.
“Lula? Are you okay?” Alex jostles the locked doorknob. “What happened to the wall downstairs?”
“I was working out anger issues,” I shout. “Leave me alone.”
“My head,” Maks says through gritted teeth.
“Close your eyes,” I whisper. I brush my lips along his temple, his ear, his jaw. I brush his hair back and murmur soft sounds to try to calm him down. The calming potion.
I pick up the cup and bring it to his lips. “It tastes a little weird but it’ll help you sleep.”
“Lula!”
“This is disgusting.” Maks gags and spits on the floor.
“I know, baby.” I brush his hair back. I gently tap my finger on his temple. “But it’ll help you. I promise.”
He nods and drains the cup. He starts to stumble, the draught taking effect instantly. I guide him to my bed to break his fall, then pull back the covers so he can get in. He crawls in, then reaches for me.
“Lula, Lula.” His breath is quick and fluttering. He holds my hand and squeezes so hard I’m afraid he’ll crush my bones. “Don’t go. Leave that light on, please.”
“I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m right here.” I rest my head on his chest. His skin is so cold, colder than Rose. When his whistling breath signals he’s asleep, I pull off the arm wrapped around my waist. I have to get Alex.
But when I sit up and turn around, she’s standing in the doorway, a look of terror on her face.
“Oh, my Lula. What have you done?”
12
La Esperanza hides in the recesses of the soul,
where no one thinks to search.
—Rezo for La Esperanza, Goddess of Sighs and All the World’s Goodness, Book of Deos
“Let me explain,” I say.
I slap my hand over her mouth to muffle her argument, shutting the door behind us. She tries to mumble through my hand but can’t, and finally, she bites me.
I swear loudly. Her eyes go wide, flicking behind me. I turn around as Maks stirs in his sleep. He kicks at the comforter and calls out for me again.
“Yeah, explain away, Lula. Because you have no idea what’s going through my head right now.” Alex holds her hands out as if she’s reaching to choke me. The shadows of my room cut across her face. In this moment I am both relieved that I’ve been caught and terrified of what she’ll do.
“I felt this pain right here,” I say, pressing my fingers to my chest. “These threads appeared right over my heart. Dozens of them. One of them glowed the brightest.”
“Lula, we—”
“You said to explain,” I say softly. “So let me. After that you can yell at me some more.”
“Don’t worry. That’s coming.” Her hands are at her hips and she makes the same face our mother makes when she’s pissed off, all wide eyes and pursed lips.
“At first I thought I was the one who was following the sensation. But when the pain got stronger, I realized that it was reeling me in. I got on the train and then Lady de la Muerte appeared—”
“Stop,” Alex says, digging her fingers through her hair. “I said I wouldn’t interrupt but I need a second to process this.”
I wish she could see what I saw. Then the skepticism that steels her stare might become something like understanding.
“Try actually seeing the Dea of Death possessing a human body. It was awful. It was like she filled his whole being with her essence. His neck just snapped from it. After she spoke to me, I ran and the thread led me to Maks. I didn’t know I’d find him there, but, Lula—our canto. It must’ve worked, right? I felt his pulse. He doesn’t remember the accident, but it’s him.”
Now I’m the one pacing. Every step aches, like there are splinters inside my bones, so I lower myself to the floor and sit. Alex sits down with me, her eyes never leaving Maks, even though he’s stopped moving.
“We did it,” I tell her. “Somehow, we saved him.”
“Then where did he go? Where did the others go?”
A sickness creeps along my skin. I’ve been so consumed with Maks that I didn’t stop to consider the others. “I don’t know.”
Alex takes a steadying breath. I’d pay anything to be able to read her mind. “What did Lady de la Muerte say when she spoke to you?”
When I think of Lady de la Muerte, a dull ache spreads across my chest. Not because of what I saw her do and not because I’m afraid she’s going to do that to me, but because I felt her pain of being stuck in between realms. It was how I felt in Los Lagos, in the Tree of Souls.
“She told me to find her spear. That I betrayed her.”
When Alex was little, she bottled up her emotions so tight it caused her to hide her power deep down. Now, her magic glides on her skin. She pushes a pulse of it up my arm, and in that moment, I feel what she’s feeling—afraid. Anxious. Helpless.
“We betrayed her,” Alex says. “You didn’t do this alone. But how do we find her spear?”
“I don’t know! She slithered out of the body before she could tell me. He died right in front of me.”
“We have to tell Ma,” she says. “Of all the Deos, Lady de la Muerte is the one we know the least about.”
I snatch my hand back. “Telling Ma is not an option.”
Alex grabs hold of my shoulders. “Don’t you see? We trapped a goddess in between worlds. We’ve broken the balance of life and death. Maks didn’t just wake up and walk out of that hospital after our canto. He died. I saw him flatline. Whatever is happening is beyond the reach of two brujas. We need help. La Muerte needs to be freed. What if failing means we lose you?”
“Alex, please. Ma will bring the High Circle into this. What if they want to hurt him?”
“You might not want to hear this,” she says quietly, “but he doesn’t belong here.”
“Well, he is here. We have to help him.”
“We have to free La Muerte.” She looks at me so sternly I cower. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll find something—”
“It has to be me,” I whisper.
“I’m the reason this happened.”
My laugh is bitter, but I can’t stop it. “You wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t guilted you.”
“I would have,” she says, and though her voice is hard, there’s a crack at the end. “Because you’re my sister. You might be a pain in the ass, but you and Rose are all I’ve got. I’d do anything for you.”