How could he have ever trusted Zarya?
All men and women lie. But never lie to yourself. That had been one of the primary rules his father had forced him to memorize as a boy. Never be deceived by others.
And never deceive yourself.
Yet his love for Zarya had blinded him to her real nature. She was every bit as apathetic to the suffering of others as Arturo. She didn’t care enough about her prisoner to even open the door. Or click on the cameras that were pointed at him.
That would only take seconds of her time.
Unless she sat in her office watching what they did to him. That one thought alone was enough to drive him insane. Had she watched them as they beat him to the brink of death? Was she one of the people who laughed at him while he suffered? One of the ones who enjoyed watching his misery?
“You don’t look so regal now, Highness. What? Commoners offend you? You still think you’re too good to be with us, don’t you?”
But those were their insecurities. He’d never felt that way about anyone. And every time they mocked him, it made him wonder if Zarya was sitting on the other side of the camera, doing the same. Laughing at him. Telling them to hurt him more…
Had she ever loved him at all? Or had she used Kere for his money and military support? Didn’t she miss him in any capacity?
From the sounds of her in the hallway whenever she spoke to the others, it didn’t seem like she’d even noticed he was gone.
Was he nothing more than a means to her end? He didn’t want to think that. He tried not to.
But nothing else made sense.
Not that it really mattered to him anymore.
Nothing did. The one good thing about pain and grief were that they put everything else in perspective.
Even if he survived this, he was mangled so badly at this point he’d be lucky to walk again. Never mind fight. Every day, his body shut down more and more. It no longer even felt like it was his. Rather, he seemed to be a caricature in a hazy kaleidoscope.
Just let me die. Please. He was through with trying to live for revenge.
Why should he?
Lise was dead because of him. He should have left her in school. Had he not tried to make it better, she’d be alive and he…
He’d be in pain, but not like this. As bad as his past had been, it didn’t compare to what they’d done to him since his capture. None of it. His head reeled from memories of their abuse that he knew would never leave him. Those images would torture him into eternity.
And he didn’t want any more memories shredding his dignity and tearing into what little self-esteem he’d managed to salvage from the brutality of his life.
I’m through. There was nothing left but the dying that refused to come and relieve him of his misery.
“I’m heading home, guys. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He winced at the sound of Zarya’s cheery voice outside his room. There was no grief in her tone. No sign that she was missing him, or even concerned about Kere at all. There hadn’t been. Not once the whole time he’d been held.
I’m not even worth a passing thought.
She never even mentioned his name or said that she was looking for him.
“I copied you in on the report I sent over to Sirce,” she continued to whomever she was talking to. “I’m not sure what they’ll do with it, but I wanted to make sure they had it, just in case. Do you have any plans for the weekend?”
“Not really,” Clarion said. “I’ll probably stay here and work through it. What about you?”
“My sister’s coming in for a visit, and Ture’s meeting us for dinner tonight. It should be quiet for a few days.”
“With you two? I doubt that. I can just imagine the late night slumber party with both of you dressed in lacy underwear, having pillow fights on your bed.”
Zarya laughed. “You really need to stop watching those crap programs, Clair. Women don’t do that.”
“Sure you don’t. That’s just a lie you tell us guys so that it won’t make us any crazier than normal.”
She laughed again. “Good night, hon. I’m out of here before I’m late to dinner. See you later.”
Late to dinner…
He could only vaguely recall what it was like to sit at a table and eat his fill. I hope you choke on it, bitch.
Never had Darling hated anyone more than he did her. She would go home and have a fun weekend with her sister and best friend while he would never see his again.
The image of his precious Lisie lying dead was permanently seared into his mind. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the blood pooling around her. His guilt flogged him more than they ever could.
I’m so sorry, Lisie. Please forgive me for failing you.
The door opened to admit Clarion who wore a gas mask to protect himself from the noxious odors in the room. If only Darling could escape it.
Even for a nanosecond.