Yeah, that, too, was scary. What if she screwed it up? All of the Caronese aristos had unreasonably long names like Darling’s. Her full name was Escadara Marahn Zarya Clotile Starska.
What if her child hated the name she gave it as much as Darling hated his?
And with that fearful thought, she remembered what Darling had told her about Nero. “Are you really the one who named him Darling?”
He gave her a sheepish grin. “His mother technically, but I was the one who suggested it.”
“Why?”
“In Trisani, Darling’s the name of our north star. It’s what we use to guide us home and to find our way through the dark. When I suggested it, I wasn’t thinking about the Universal definition. As I said, I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. But I don’t count that as one of them. Darling, however, does.”
Yes, he did.
Still, Darling didn’t have to go by it. “Out of all the names they gave him, why did his parents choose that one to call him by?”
“When he was a child, everyone used it as an endearment for him to the point that we thought nothing about it. It wasn’t until he was a teen that it became a source of ridicule. That is what I feel guilty about. I never intended him to be mocked for it. But it, like the rest of his past, is what has made him the empathetic ruler Caron needs.”
Darling certainly was that, but it made her wonder…“You said you can see multiple outcomes for people?”
He nodded.
She hesitated before she asked a question she probably shouldn’t. But it was one she had to know. “What would have happened to Darling had his father lived?”
Nero stared into space with a glassy look in his eyes before he answered. “He would never have been scarred. He’d have grown up very spoiled and happy.”
“Selfish?”
“No,” he said empathically. “That was never in him. But to address what you truly want to know, he wouldn’t have the bitterness that he has now, and while he would have been sympathetic to his people, he wouldn’t have the degree of understanding that he has.”
His next words stung her. “He would have married young, in his late teens, and been very happy.”
But Darling wouldn’t have married her. A part of her wanted to know who his bride would have been. The other part didn’t want her name for fear she’d hunt her down and punch her over something that hadn’t happened in this lifetime.
Either way, there was one truth she couldn’t deny. “He would have been much better off.”
Nero screwed his face up. “Maybe… In some ways.”
“In others?”
Nero released an elongated breath. “We’re all victims of someone else’s hatred, Zarya. And survivors of our own bad decisions. Had Darling not gone through what he has, he would never have been able to love you to the depth that he does. Plain and simple.”
“But he no longer trusts me.”
Nero laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “For better or worse, our pasts and experiences are what define us. But they don’t have to rule us. In time, all hurts can be forgiven. It’s only when you add to them that they can’t.”
She paused at his unexpected wisdom. At first glance, Nero looked like any other live-by-the-crotch-of-his-pants Tavali rogue. And yet…
“There’s a lot more to you than you show most people, isn’t there?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “That’s true for most,” he said with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “But I’m a lot older than I look. I’ve lived through things far worse than Darling has. You’d be amazed at how much forgiveness the heart is capable of.”
“Love isn’t what scares me,” she admitted. “It’s hatred I fear.” She jerked her chin toward Darling. “And I’ve seen what it’s capable of more times than I’ve seen people forgive. It’s that cold viciousness that drives out all humanity that terrifies me. I don’t want him to ever feel that for me again.”
“Have faith in yourself, Zarya. And have faith in Darling.”
Before she could comment, the door opened to admit Syn and Maris.
Zarya fell silent. While she didn’t mind Maris knowing her fears, she wasn’t as sure about Syn. Darling trusted him implicitly. But she didn’t have his allegiance and she barely knew him.
Nero inclined his head to them. “I’m going to rest for a while. I’ll be nearby if anything changes.”
“Later.” Syn moved to check Darling’s readouts while Maris handed her a bottle of water.
“How are you holding up?” he asked her.
“I’ll be better once he’s awake.”
Maris squeezed her hand before he went to stand in the far corner.
“So how did you meet Nero?” she asked Syn. “Through Darling?”
“Through prison,” he said in a matter-of-fact tone like someone who was answering with, “at the market” or “at a friend’s house…”
She froze at that unexpected answer. Was he serious?
“He’s not joking,” Maris said as if he, too, were Trisani.
Still, she was aghast that both of them were felons. “Do I want to know what you two were in for?”