He was gone and she was alone.
Her gaze went back to Caillen, making her wonder what it would be like to laugh with him the way his sisters did. Closing her eyes, she imagined a wedding for them similar to Syn and Shahara’s.
A Qillaq marriage ceremony was nothing like theirs. There was no peaceful taking of the hands and telling witnesses how much they meant to each other. On her world, the woman claimed the man by battle. If he defeated her, they were equal. If not, she ruled him and he was forced to obey her orders. In theory, the man had an advantage, but Desideria had a bad suspicion that the men were drugged. No one had ever told her that. Yet she remembered her father once talking about how sick he’d been whe he’d fought her mother. It was cruel and unfair.
I would never do that to someone.
If she couldn’t defeat the man honestly, she didn’t want to rule him.
And that’s why you’re such a disappointment to your mother.
That thought brought back all her self-doubts and the angry voices in her head that she tried so hard to squelch.
Needing a reprieve from it, she flipped through more pictures of Caillen’s family. She only saw a handful of other people. His sisters were in there repeatedly in all manner of candid shots. Along with Syn, two Andarions—one of whom was blond and never smiled—Darling Cruel, and the next to the last was a beautiful lady holding an infant in her arms. The woman looked so much like Caillen that Desideria realized this must be his real mother. Odd that he didn’t have a single picture of his adoptive parents or Emperor Evzen.
Just his mother holding him as a baby.
Very strange.
The final photo was one of a beautiful woman who didn’t appear related to anyone else. Though she was smiling, her eyes were cold. Calculating. Something about her sent a shiver over her.
Desideria put the frame aside and continued to take inventory of what they had. She found a small shaving kit, toothbrush and other personal hygiene items, but nothing that said anything more about him.
She wondered why.
Obviously, there’d be no answer while he was unconscious. Only more questions.
Her stomach growled as she put the small frame away. She ignored it. Besides the crackers, the pack contained two more packages of food and she didn’t want to eat it while Caillen was down. He’d need it to keep his strength up.
Leaning her head back against the wall, she closed her eyes and said a small prayer that her mother would be safe and that they’d both make it off this planet alive.
Yeah well, if she can’t defend herself, she deserves to die.
It was a bloody harsh thought for her mother. One that would probably make her mother proud.
But it shamed her and she didn’t know why. Needing comfort, she again took Caillen’s hand in hers. It was a minor point of contact and yet it did wonders for her spirit. And as she sat there, she remembered those nights where she’d dreamed of being hugged and held by a man.
Over the years, she’d forced those memories down and banned them. Now they were back and a part of her that scared her craved that kind of warm intimacy.
With Caillen. She wanted him to look at her the way Syn had looked at Shahara. Like he lived and breathed for her. Like she was his entire universe.
What are you saying? She was tired. Yeah, that was it.
Get me out of here soon. If they didn’t…
Maybe being eaten by the Andarions wouldn’t be so bad after all.
*
Caillen woke up slowly to find himself still in the hole they’d crawled into to hide. He was sore and aching, but not as much as he’d been when he passed out. His body was now down to a dull, constant pain not the violent throbbing he’d had earlier.
It was dark with only the faintest bit of light coming off the blue stick. For the merest instant, he thought he was alone until he heard the sound of a light snore.
That sound quickened his pulse as he saw Desideria lying behind him asleep. She was curled against his spine like a kitten with one hand tangled in his hair. The gesture warmed him and made his body roar to life as he imagined her naked and kissing him. Oh yeah, he’d love nothing better than to bury his nose in the hollow of her throat and breathe her in until he was drunk on her scent while he slid himself deep inside her.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted a woman this badly. It took everything he had not to bend over and kiss her, but that would startle her and he would never, ever touch a woman without her explicit invitation. Her body was her own and he had no right to encroach on it in any way.
Damn it…
He shifted ever so slightly to alleviate some of the pain of his raging hard-on that now overrode the rest of his body.
Desideria shot to her feet and jerked around as if expecting to be attacked from all directions. Had she not been so terrified, he’d have laughed at her panic.
But he wouldn’t be so cruel.