Desideria choked on the sympathetic grief that swelled up inside her. She heard the pain in his voice as he spoke of something she knew had to give him nightmares to this day. “Caillen, I’m so sorry. Why were you there?”
There was no missing the agony and torment in his eyes as he looked down at the ground. “It was Kasen’s birthday and my father had sold his wedding ring so that we could buy her something special since she’d been really sick that year. We’d just picked up her present when my father noticed we were being followed. I’d never in my life seen him afraid until then. He forced me to rush ahead and then he ordered me to run home. I hid instead, thinking… I don’t even remembshe kne was too terrified to think straight. But what haunts me every night when I close my eyes is the image of my father on the street, bleeding and hurt. The sound of the final blast that killed him and the faces of the people who did that to him. I wish to the gods, just once, to be able to give to them what they gave to him.”
She wished he could too. It was what they deserved. “Maybe you will one day.”
He shook his head. “No. Even if I kill them, nothing will ever make amends for me staying there in that hole, scared and traumatized, and then having to tell my sisters that we were orphans.”
She covered his hand with hers. “I wish I could take that memory from you.”
“Yeah… it blows, right? And now you know why I hate birthdays so much. Nothing good has ever happened on one. They always end up just a big kick in my teeth. And that’s my secret. Whenever I feel physical pain, I remember the day the life drained out of my father and I hold on to that. So long as I feel pain, I know I’m alive and life, even when it sucks sideways, is so much better than death, that I embrace even the agony of it.”
How different his view was from what she’d been taught. Her people embraced death. There was nothing more glorious than to die in battle. “Do you not believe in an afterlife?”
“I do. But I’m a pragmatist. This life I know is real. The other… I’m gambling on. So for the time being, I’ll take what I know even when it hurts.”
How was it that he always surprised and amazed her? Just when she thought she knew him, he exposed a depth and strength that she hadn’t even guessed existed. At first glance, Caillen seemed like a simple hedonist. But there was nothing simple about him.
And while he was definitely hedonistic, he wasn’t selfish or sociopathic.
She squeezed his hand. “I like your logic.”
“Hey, Dagan,” Chayden’s voice came through the intercom, interrupting them. “We’re approaching the Exeterian port in Mykonia. Stay low and we’ll let you know when we’re scanned and docked. So long as you stay put, they won’t be able to pick up any residuals from you.”
That was the beauty about pirates she was learning. Their ships had all manner of interesting jammers and devices that helped them to elude authorities and their equipment.
For once, they landed without incident.
Chayden and Fain came to collect them while Hauk stayed on board as a guard for their ship.
Both men had their Tavali pirate garb on, including the mask over their faces so that all anyone could see was their eyes. It gave them a feral, intimidating appearance, especially Chayden’s mask which was made of a brushed silver-colored metal. No wonder they wore them. Well that and it kept people from seeing their faces and identifying them on wanted posters.
Chayden passed them both masks that included eye shields. “So long as we’re together, they’ll think wrushed sire here for a shipment and that you two are part of my crew.”
“You’re not wanted here, are you?” Caillen asked before he pulled the mask over his face.
Chayden snorted. “Like that would be a concern given the fact that the two of you are plastered all over the media right now? Please. Don’t insult me.” Then his eyes turned a bit sheepish. “But to answer your question, there is a reason I’m wearing the mask.” And he quickly lifted his cowl to cover his head.
Caillen laughed. “Looking real brave there, pun’kin.”
Chayden made an obscene gesture at him before he led the way off the ship. Desideria kept her head covered as she traveled behind Caillen and in front of Fain. The men walked with that predatorial grace that was unique to soldiers and assassins. The gait of someone who had no doubt they could win any battle or fight.
The collective power sent a shiver over her.
Since it was well after dark, the street traffic was relatively light. Still, every transport gave her pause as she waited for the authorities to be notified and for someone to try and arrest them.
Their luck held as they approached the royal palace. Caillen pulled them to a stop in an alley across the street. Keeping to the shadows, he made sure they were out of sight for the cameras and guards.
“There’s a back way in through the servant entrance.”