He looked away from her and for a m oment, she thought he'd just ignore her. "It felt great."
She nodded, her heart hanging heavy with just one more thing she needed to ask.
Finally, she found the courage she needed to bring it up. "Do you ever think of dying?"
He rubbed his hand across his jaw. "Do you?"
Tears welled up in her eyes. "I never did until a little while ago." Her tears poured down her cheeks. "I'm so afraid of it!" she sobbed.
Covering her trembling lips with her hand, she ran down the hallway to the safety of her room. Kiara threw herself across the bed, her sobs wracking her body. She didn't want to die, not now, not ever. There was so much more she wanted to do, to experience.
Suddenly, she found Nykyrian's arms around her, pulling her into his lap. He sat on the edge of her bed, holding her against him like she was a small child who had broken its favorite toy. She leaned her head against his shoulder and sobbed out her grief.
Nykyrian remained silent, comforting her, holding her, brushing her hair from her cheek, rocking her gently in his arms. Never had Kiara felt so protected. She didn't know how long she cried, but when she finally pulled away, the silk of his shirt clung to his chest where her tears had fallen.
"I'm sorry," she said with a sniff, wiping the back of her hand over her cheeks.
He moved her hand and wiped the moisture away for her. "Feeling better?" he asked in a gruff voice. Kiara nodded. "This isn't like me," she whispered, reveling in the feel of his warm, strong hands moving over her icy cheeks.
"It's understandable. You're not used to people holding blasters to your head."
She swallowed her tears, wishing once more she could see his face, read his thoughts.
"Are you?"
He took a deep breath, his hand tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "It's happened more than twice." Kiara stared at him. In so many ways he was a com plete stranger, yet they sat now like old lovers. She burned for him, ached to kiss his lips, but knew if she tried, he would push her away again and end this peaceful moment. And she desperately didn't want it to end. "Aren't you afraid of dying?" she asked, stifling the next wave of tears that threatened to fall. "That one day, you won't escape when someone puts a blaster to your head?"
His arms tensed around her. For a moment, she feared he would get up and leave. When his answer came, it wasn't what she expected. "The only thing I fear is growing old."
"What's wrong with growing old?" she asked, aching to touch his cheek.
"Nothing," he said, his voice hoarse. "Unless you do it alone."
Her heart wrenched, then to her utmost disappointment, he stood. He reached down and fingered her cheek like he was touching precious china. "No one's going to harm you.
On my life, I'll keep you safe," he said, then was gone.
Kiara's heart pounded at the audible sincerity behind his words. Her cheek burned in the memory of his fingers. There was so much m ore she wanted to say to him, to ask him , but she didn't know how.
He was so contradictory. In one m inute he pulled away and snapped if she dared to even touch his hand, then the next he held her like a treasured love and comforted her tears.
Kiara drew a trembling breath, wishing for the nerve it would take to strip her clothes from her body and go out to the m ain room where Nykyrian slept. Shera had done that to gain her last lover and had told Kiara it was a never-fail ploy to be used when she really wanted someone. But Kiara couldn't do that, she was a coward.
Sighing, she leaned back on her bed, imagining what it would be like to have Nykyrian by her side, making love to her, soothing her fears all night long.
He was still on her mind when she finally drifted off into a fitful sleep.
When Kiara awoke, Nykyrian was gone. She had rushed from her bed to see him before he left, but she was too late. Hauk sat on her couch, munching what was left of her friggles.
Giving him a shy, disappointed smile, she went to dress. Kiara took her time, wishing she had stayed in bed and slept through the hulking Andarion's guardianship of her. She held no desire to spend the day under his glares and threats.
When she returned to the main room, Hauk had a plate of muffins waiting for her. She lifted a questioning brow, shocked by the gesture.
"They're not as good as Nykyrian's, but they won't kill you either," he said gruffly as if being friendly with her embarrassed him .
"I thought you hated me?" she asked, retrieving a muffin.
He shrugged and flipped stations on her viewer. "I hate over-privileged people in general. You just happen to fall into that category."
She swallowed her bite of muffin. "Nykyrian didn't strike me as being exactly poor. As the son of a wealthy, respected commander I would think he falls into your category as well."
A harrumph was all that answered her.