She pressed her open mouth urgently against his, tasting his hot breath, desperate for anything to offset the dark chill inside of her. Christian's entire body froze, his teeth the only part of him moving, and he ground his lips into a hard line. Victoria dragged hers from his suddenly unyielding ones and trailed them up his jawline to his ear. A muscle in his cheek ticked as she exposed the long delicate column of her neck to him.
Unable to help himself, he pressed his lips to her neck, drinking in the smell of her as his razor-sharp incisors shredded the inside of his mouth. His lips parted of their own volition and for one agonizing second, the taste of her sweetly forbidden skin invaded his mouth in a hot rush. He'd never wanted to give in to what he was so badly in that moment ... but all it took was one instant of weakness. Christian tore his lips away from the banquet of her warm flesh, tasting his own blood on his tongue and terrifyingly wanting more, a brutal reminder of what he was.
He held himself perfectly still as she rested her head on his shoulder.
"Are you all right?" he said hoarsely.
"No," she said. "My blood takes care of itself."
"Tell me," he said, stroking the backs of his fingers down her smooth cheek, his touch agonizingly tender.
"Christian," she said. "I'm ... I'm a monster."
"You are no monster." He laughed hollowly.
"But I am. Christian, I killed her. I killed the witch. And I enjoyed it, or the blood did, but it's still me." She spoke in a rush as if she wanted to get it out and looked away.
"Tori, she attacked you. You defended yourself and she lost. That was it," he said.
"You don't understand. I took her magic into myself, and even though it was filthy and cloying, I liked it. I liked the feeling of power, and when I killed her, I liked it even more! I loved it. It was so easy ... I reveled in taking ... the taking ..." Victoria gasped, unable to finish. "The blood takes and feeds ... and I am helpless against it."
Christian was quiet. He knew that she had only defended herself, and she was lucky that her blood had fought back. Lena would have been merciless if she had captured Victoria, and Lucian would have been far, far worse.
He understood her suffering more than she knew given the finite rules of his own hunger and the way it dominated every instinct. But he also understood her fear—the curse of Le Sang Noir was infinite power at unsustainable cost. Eventually, it would grow to control her if she gave in to it, as it had her ancestor, the duchess.
"You won't become her, Tori. You're nothing like her, and you're not powerless against the blood," he said after a long spell. "You know that. It doesn't own you. You control it, not the other way around. It's like my thirst—do you think it's easy for me when we're together when I can smell your blood calling to me every time we touch? Of course it's not, I have to fight to suppress it but I would never give in to it, I won't let myself," he said.
"I know. It's just ... exhausting."
He watched her, the emotions playing across her face as she considered telling him something else that was obviously bothering her.
"The witch on the mountain seemed to know who I was, and she mentioned that someone else was interested in me, specifically a 'he.' It's Lucian, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yes."
"What are we going to do?"
"Nothing, for now. He will already know that his attack failed. Leave him to me. I will deal with Lucian." His voice shook with suppressed fury.
"Christian, there's something else." She paused. "I need my amulet. I forgot it in Canville. I tried to summon it but couldn't. It's ... the key to controlling the blood. I can't find it anywhere." Her face was panicked. "If it has been taken, I don't know what—"
"I have it." Victoria's elated gaze snapped to his. "I put both in my safe at the house before I went to Paris, I know how much it means to you and I didn't want to leave it lying around. I'll get it for you."
"I'm so glad! Things got so rushed that I stupidly left it behind. You don't understand how close I came ..." Her voice choked as she recalled what had happened on the mountain when the blood magic had taken over without the amulet's protective power restraining it.
There was so much that she didn't yet understand about the blood, the magic, and the amulet. The journal only had so many answers. She'd need to look harder to find some of her own before the blood destroyed her.
Victoria stared out the window at the brightly colored lights flashing by from houses decorated in the spirit of the season. It was Christmas Eve. Wasn't this a time when things were supposed to be happy and joyous? Instead, everything felt like it was closing in, a giant net she couldn't escape. The knot tightened in her stomach. She closed her eyes.
"I'm scared."