"Oh honey, you gave us such a fright," she said, holding a cup to Victoria's lips. "How are you feeling?"
"Where am I? What happened?" Victoria felt foggy, as if she'd been asleep for months. Her eyelids were sticky, heavy, but the water was cool against her gums and tongue, which seemed coated with a strange metallic film like she'd sucked on a dirty copper penny.
"We're in the hospital. They brought you in five days ago," Holly said. "You and two other kids."
"Two others?" Holly brushed the strands of hair out of Victoria's face.
"One went home three days ago, and the other is here recovering. But you, my darling, you almost died." Her voice broke on the last word. "What happened, honey? I really don't understand. One of the girls from school said there'd been some kind of a fight."
"I don't ... know. I must have blacked out." Victoria blinked, trying futilely to remember. "I've been here five days, Aunt Holly? Why?"
"You really should rest," Holly said, not wanting to overwhelm her.
"No, please tell me." Despite her distress, Victoria was resolute. "Aunt Holly, please. I need to know."
"You lost consciousness at school and they called 911 because of all the blood," Holly began, her fingers twisting in her lap. "By the time you got to the ER, you were losing so much of it that nobody seemed to know what to do at first. Something about the color, it was so dark. They said it was overly de-oxygenated. It was black almost." She glanced anxiously at Victoria, who nodded for her to continue.
"At first, they thought some kind of rogue strain of leukemia was attacking the blood cells in your bone marrow. That's what they said was the cause of the bleeding, some kind of infection in your nervous system. It seemed as if you were dying and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Then your heart stopped. They tried to resuscitate, but your heart just wouldn't respond. Just when everyone thought it was over, a miracle happened, somehow your heart started beating again, and somehow by God's grace, you came back to us ... to me." Holly pulled Victoria into a tight embrace. "I almost lost you, Tori," she choked, then turned her face away and sobbed.
"But you didn't, I'm still here, Aunt Holly, I'm fine," Victoria soothed, her mind whirling. Everything Holly had just said seemed entirely too surreal. "I wish I could remember, but it's all so fuzzy. I remember eating breakfast. I remember going to school but nothing much after that. There was no warning, nothing ..."
Victoria stared at the plastic tubing shackling her wrists. From what Holly had said, it was a miracle that she was even alive. Yet again. A sense of despair crashed like a tide against her and she felt the tears she'd been struggling to hold back coming. She couldn't shake the sense that something terrible had happened, something she'd done.
You have to remember! she urged herself. Think!
The memories swirled beneath a black fog in her mind but the more she fought against it, the thicker it became. Her head throbbed, accompanied by a dull ache in her stomach. Her hands pressed against it.
"Something else, Tori. Your monthly came," Holly said, her eyes kindly. "The doctors said it was most likely the trauma."
Victoria didn't know whether to feel embarrassed at the circumstances of having her first period or relieved that she'd finally gotten it. She'd started wondering whether she was abnormal after her sixteenth birthday had passed with no womanly fanfare. A visit to Holly's doctor had only confirmed that the range for young women went from as young as nine to as old as eighteen. He'd assured her that it would come in time.
And now that it was here, Victoria felt nothing, just a peculiar sense of anticlimax. On top of everything else, the one event that was supposed to make a girl feel normal only made her feel more odd than ever. She'd blacked out. Had she gotten her period at school? In the cafeteria? In class? In front of everyone?
A hazy recollection of mocking laughter drifted through her mind. She'd be the Carrie White of St. Xavier's, enacting that awful scene from Carrie in the girls' bathroom. By now everyone would know. Victoria couldn't even begin to imagine what they would all be saying about her. Her stomach heaved.
A clean-shaven young man in a white coat walked into the room carrying her chart. "Ms. Warrick, you're awake. How do you feel?" he said, not looking at her. "I'm Dr. Mills."
I got into a fight at school, bled in front of everyone, almost died, and can't remember a thing. How do you think I feel?
"I feel okay, I guess. A little groggy, and I can't remember anything."
"Yes, well, it's temporary memory loss. The grogginess will wear off; it's the medication. You hit your head quite hard when you fell, so try not to push yourself. It's been a tough few days for that body of yours but you have a very strong will to live."
Victoria glanced from Dr. Mills to Holly's drawn face. Holly's wrinkled fingers were still gently squeezing hers. They were warm, reassuring. Victoria gripped back and voiced the thought at the edge of her mind.