20
I NOW KNEW HOW MATTHIAS FELT. MY HEART HAD been ripped out of my chest, too.
I’d believed. Maybe a little too quickly. Declan sired from dhampyr to vampire and, other than a bit of initial surliness, he was exactly the same as before. Better even. His dhampyr rage was gone. He was able to resist my blood. He no longer had the side effects of the serum that dampened his emotions and desire.
It had been the best of both worlds. Or so I’d foolishly thought.
When Kristoff’s men grabbed me, I used what little energy I had left to fight against them, but it was in vain. They subdued me easily. My blood was the only dangerous thing about me.
I’d trusted him completely. I hadn’t even questioned whether or not I should.
My mistake.
I’d been used. And I’d gone along for the ride one hundred percent, all too willing to believe he couldn’t be changed or coerced just because he’d grown a set of fangs.
“See you later, Jill,” Declan said as the vampires began to drag me out of the basement.
“Eat me, you bastard,” I snapped, feeling the anger rise up past my initial stunned reaction.
“Been there, done that. You can go down on me next time to keep things fair.” He smiled, and it chilled me to see how cold it was.
“In your dreams.”
His smile held. “Or yours.”
The vampires dragging me away laughed at this fantastic hilarity as we moved up the two sets of stairs leading back to the bedroom I’d been in before with the ashes on the floor. Declan had taken those two vampires out, sacrificing them so I’d believe he was trying to help me escape. I was shoved inside and the door locked behind me.
As I stood there in the darkness, my bottom lip quivered but I refused to cry. My heart was broken, but it was still beating. I was still alive. Which meant only one thing—they still needed me. I’d proven that I could kill a VIP vampire. My usefulness outweighed me being a liability to them.
Declan . . .
No, I couldn’t dwell on him. He’d always said he hated vampires. I guess that changed the moment he became one. I still couldn’t believe he’d accept Kristoff so readily after everything Matthias had told us about him. Kristoff was dangerous to humanity—a vampire with a deadly widespread agenda.
And Declan was okay with that? Would stand by his father’s side?
Carson had been a horrible father, but his morals were in the right place, generally speaking. The man saw things as strictly black or white, but he knew the difference between good and evil and he’d ingrained that in his adopted son. He’d taught Declan that vampires were evil right across the board.
I’d wanted to see the good in Noah. In Matthias. In . . . Declan. But maybe there wasn’t any good to see. Maybe I was trying to fill in the blanks when they should remain blank.
Matthias hadn’t claimed me because he was madly in love with me and wanted me to stay alive despite the Nightshade in my blood. No, he’d wanted to use me in a failed attempt to defeat his newly awakened brother. Noah was confused right now, trying to get a grasp on what it means to be a vampire. But would he stop himself when it came to killing someone when his new thirst overwhelmed him? I wanted to believe he could, but I wasn’t sure.
And Declan. He hadn’t been given any choice in the matter. I’d decided for him and that decision had turned him into the monster I’d just met downstairs. Cool, calculated, willing to lie to get what he wanted. So different from the rage he’d had to deal with as a dhampyr—the exact opposite, actually.
It had felt so real between us earlier. I’d even told him I loved him.
But he hadn’t said it in return.
I was on my own. Again. And I had to get the hell out of here before it was too late. I figured I had two choices: become Kristoff’s assassin or try to escape.
Escaping sounded good to me. But I also had to think about my nieces and Sara. I hadn’t signed up to be Mother Goose, but my instincts kicked in. The children were my main concern. I had to get them safely out of here.
I paced back and forth for what felt like forever, but no good plan came to me. I had no idea what time it was but it was late. Or, possibly, early. We’d returned from the vampire club after midnight and that already felt like hours ago. Sunrise couldn’t be that far off.
A plan came to me, but it was far from being a good one. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time to think too much about it; I had to act now while there was still a chance to get out of here. I looked around the dim room until I saw something that might be able to help me. A lamp.
I unscrewed the lightbulb, then smashed it against the ground. I stared at the broken glass for several minutes, willing myself to find the courage to do this.
My sister’s face came to mind. I wondered if she was sleeping right now or if the mental influence had worn off and she was beside herself with worry about Meg and Julie. She’d never understand what was happening. Kristoff said he’d release them, but I didn’t believe him. Putting that much power in his hands—the lives of my nieces—without question was not something I wanted to do. Ever.
Using this thought as my strength, I sliced the edge of the broken lightbulb over my wrist. The act made me flash back to another time when I’d done something similar. In my bathroom, staring at my red-eyed reflection in the mirror. Things had seemed pretty damn bleak that evening. Had I really wanted to die when I pressed that razor blade to my wrist and watched the bright red blood spill into the sink?
Maybe for a moment. But, thankfully, that moment passed.
It was just the opposite tonight. I was slitting my wrist because I wanted to live.
The dark red blood felt hot on my skin as I watched it well up from the wound I’d made.
I waited another moment before I dropped the broken glass and went to the door. I pounded my fist against it.
“Please help me,” I shouted. “I’m hurt.”
There was somebody waiting on the other side of the door. Guarding me. Watching for any trouble.
They’d come to the right place.
A minute later the door creaked open and a pastyfaced guard peered inside.
“What?” he snapped.
I held my wrist out to him. “I’m bleeding.”
His nostrils flared and I could practically see the drool as the scent of my blood hit him like a two-by-four. I wasn’t sure if he already knew who I was and what my blood could do. Maybe Kristoff hadn’t shared my secret with everyone yet. Actually, I was counting on it.
The guard’s eyes narrowed. “Hasn’t anyone ever told you that it’s not healthy to offer your blood to a vampire?”
“I cut myself on a piece of glass.”
“I see that.” His eyes were black and hunger branched across his face.
Blood dripped from my wrist to the floor as I held it aloft and tried to ignore the stinging pain. “Will you please help me?”
It was as close as I could get to tearing my clothes off and begging him to take me. Desire snaked over his expression. I had no idea who he was, where he came from, if he was a nice guy once, or if anyone might miss him if he died.
He’d been the one to open the door. Game on. I tried desperately to look like a sexy, bleeding victim in waiting.
“They warned me about you,” he whispered as he drew closer, his gaze locked on my wrist.
That was worrying. “What did they say about little ol’ me?”
“That you’re dangerous.”
“Me?” I tried to look innocent. “Dangerous? That’s crazy talk. I’m just a weak little human trapped in a house full of thirsty vampires. Are you thirsty right now?”
It was too dark in the room for him to notice my blood was an unusual shade of red. Or maybe he was color-blind.
“Damn, you smell so good.” He took my arm and brought it to his lips, before sliding his cool tongue over my wound. “You taste so good.”
I felt a mix of disgust, regret, and victory. They didn’t blend well together. “I’ve been told that before.”
He began to suck on the wound, drawing more blood into his mouth. I didn’t try to stop him.
“I see why Matthias claimed you. Your blood is—” He gasped and looked at me with wide eyes.
“Very bad for vampires with no self-control.” I nodded. “Bye now.”
He opened his mouth to scream, but the flames took him over before he had a chance. I stepped away so I wouldn’t be burned and batted at the bits of ash that fell down and caught in my hair.
Without waiting a moment longer, I grabbed the door handle and swung it open.
Declan stood there blocking my way. I felt surprise and painful defeat. I’d been so close. He wore a shirt now, a long-sleeved black one stretched tight across his muscular chest. It looked borrowed from someone smaller than him.
His gaze moved to my bleeding wrist and he hissed. “Cover that.”
“Or what?” I snapped. “You’ll be tempted to have a taste?” I held my arm up toward him and he flinched away from me. I didn’t think I’d ever seen Declan flinch before. He’d been affected by my blood as a dhampyr enough to be drawn to it; to me. I could only imagine how much harder it was for him now. “Why are you here? To kill me? To drag me in front of daddy dearest? How could you do this?”
His jaw tightened, the tattoolike spiderweb appearing on his face only making him look scarier. “Maybe you should have let me die when you had the chance.”
Frustration spilled over inside of me. “Why, Declan? Do you hate me so much that you’d string me along like a fool? Just to try to get some answers about Alex and Matthias?”
He glared at me. “In case you haven’t realized it, my real father is also my sire. Do you know how powerful that combination is? He does. He controls me now.”
“So what does that mean? You need to do what he says?”
“Yes. I’m compelled to follow his orders, no matter what they are.”
I faltered. “So he ordered you to sleep with me?”
“It was a test on whether or not I could resist your blood. I agreed to it. In fact, I requested it.”
“You resisted.”
“Yeah, I did.”
My eyes narrowed. “Just like Matthias’s test. He resisted me, too, when he had me naked and vulnerable. Only he didn’t follow through and f*ck me when his heart wasn’t really in it. Even though—just an FYI—I would have let him.”
His lips curled back from his fangs and his expression darkened. “I guess he’s way more of a saint than I am, isn’t he?”
“Get the f*ck out of my way, Declan.” I sounded so much stronger than I felt. In reality I was ready to give up. But I couldn’t.
“Or what? You’ll bleed in my general direction?”
“The guard couldn’t resist me.”
“I’m not some stupid f*cking guard. My whole life I was taught self-denial. This is no different.”
“What did Kristoff send you here for right now? Let’s just say I’m not feeling very friendly at the moment if you were looking for another quick lay.”
He glared at me. “You’re not going to beg me to help you? Rely on my fondness for you to help you escape?”
“Fondness? I wouldn’t know if you felt anything at all for me. You’re not exactly the expressive type. Not much with the flowers and chocolate.”
He was silent for a moment. “You’re wrong. I’ve brought you a gift. It’s the reason I came here. No one knows where I am right now.”
“Keep it. I don’t want anything from you.”
“I think you’ll want this.” He held out a glass jar to me. “Take it.”
My mouth dropped open. Inside it looked like something from a medical lab—a bloody, fleshy organ the size of a fist. I knew exactly what it was. Mine had been broken only a few hours ago down in the basement. “That’s—”
“Matthias’s heart. I stole it from Kristoff’s room. It won’t be long before he realizes it’s gone.”
I looked at him with so much shock that it made it difficult to speak. “Why are you doing this?”
“Why do you think?”
“Before, you—and Kristoff—when we came up from downstairs—”
He grabbed my hand and placed the cool jar containing the bloody organ in it. “As my sire and father, I can’t disobey him. But it doesn’t mean I agree with what he’s making me do.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Are you trying to tell me that you’re not . . .” I didn’t know how to say it.
“Not evil?” His lips twitched.
“That’s what I—I don’t know what’s going on, Declan. I don’t understand any of this.”
“Kristoff expects me to be one way with him now. That’s what I showed him downstairs. He thinks I’ve changed.” His expression was tight. “I have changed. But not the way he thinks. This is the one chance I’ve got to get to you, to give you this so you can get Matthias and get the hell out of here. He’ll protect you now.”
I grabbed on to his arm. “You’re coming with me.”
He shook his head. “I can’t leave. Kristoff will find me—our bond isn’t the same as yours and Matthias’s, but there are some similarities. If he can find me, he’ll find you.” He watched my confusion for a moment as everything pieced together in my head, his brow creasing. “You really thought I’d betray you like that? You didn’t even give me the benefit of a doubt after everything we’ve been through together?”
I was overwhelmed by all of this. “I didn’t know for sure. You’re—you’re a vampire now.”
“Yeah, thanks for the reminder. But other than an unnatural thirst for blood”—his teeth clenched—“your blood in particular—I don’t feel much different than before. Maybe that’ll come over time, but not yet.”
I had thought the worst of him. I’d been too afraid to even hope for anything other than total betrayal. That was messed up and I was ashamed of it, but it protected me from any paralyzing disappointment that would have made me curl up in a ball somewhere, unable to help my nieces get out of here.
“You have to come with me,” I said. “We’ll deal with Kristoff later.”
“I can’t.”
“Please, I don’t think I can do this by myself.”
“That’s not true. You can do it. You’re stronger than you think you are. Just go, get Matthias, help him—and he’ll help you.” He looked over his shoulder. “I can’t stay. Go now while there’s time and leave here as fast as you can.”
I reached for him, but he was already gone.