Blood Moon

Chapter Fifteen

That final hour is the longest of my life. In my new room, I unload the goodies I bought and rip open the potato-chip bag first. Because I haven’t eaten much in the last twenty-four hours, I can almost feel my stomach reaching upward with greedy fingers as the food moves down my esophagus. I have no clue what Beth is preparing for dinner, but I might resemble a hungry bear while eating.

After finishing the junk food, I fix my hair and makeup, brush my teeth, and head downstairs. Ben and his family will be arriving any minute now, and I don’t want to look frumpy when I greet them. Mom and Beth, however, question whether or not I should actually be out of bed. My eyes roll more than once as they chatter about how I still look out of sorts.

“Guys, seriously, I’m fine,” I argue. “If I wasn’t, I’d be under the covers, curled up in the fetal position, like I was last night.”

Beth pats me on the shoulder and says, “All right, dear. But if you decide dinner is a bit too much, don’t hesitate to excuse yourself. Nobody will blame you.”

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling queasy. This time around, I think nerves are to blame rather than my overnight illness. Okay, maybe it’s a little bit of both. After all, junk food can only satisfy my appetite for so long.

Randy and Dad ascend the stairs from the basement, their shoes clomping against the wooden planks. Just in time, too; the doorbell performs the typical ding-dong, notifying us that the Conway family is here. We stand near the entryway to the kitchen, so they can file in without feeling cramped, I suppose. Frantically, I search for Ben, my hands wringing the bottom of my shirt in anticipation. He’s the last one to step inside. Our eyes no sooner meet than he looks away, uninterested. I don’t register in his mind at all. In his world, I’m just the new girl.

Well, that was most definitely not the reaction I imagined. In fact, it might be worse. What did I expect, though? I mean, there’s a part of me that wants everything to be as it once was, to fall into place effortlessly. Because of this, the towering expectations I had are now crushed. The Ben I knew before? Gone. Everything is just . . . gone.

Maybe Beth was right. Maybe I should cancel dinner. I don’t think it’s possible for me to sit across the table from Ben, watching him eat, knowing he doesn’t remember anything from our old life. He doesn’t remember us, the memories we made together, and that’s what hurts the most.

“Candra, dear, this is Benjamin,” Beth says, making the proper introductions. Except, I can’t look at him. I can’t even open my stupid mouth to say hello. Really, what’s the point? What if he and I aren’t destined to be together in this lifetime? What if I try to chase after him like Cupid struck me with his bow, only to find out he loves another, or he’s not interested in me at all?

It’s in this precise moment I realize something: I can’t do this. My willpower has been placed in a wood chipper, my heart minced in a meat grinder, and the remnants tossed into a blender. I have nothing left.

“Candra?” Beth tries to smile, but she and the rest of the people in the room watch me with concerned eyes. “Are you okay? Do you need to lie down?”

I don’t want to rest. What I need is fresh air, and my old life back. “I . . . I need a minute.” I turn around and stride toward the sliding-glass doors leading to the patio. On my way out, I hear Ben ask, “Is she always like this?”

I make it to a vacant area of the forest before I collapse, the tears unstoppable. “I miss you,” I whisper. “I miss you so much.” The truth is: I miss all of the people from my previous life. Every last one of them. If I had a second chance, if I knew then what I know now, I would’ve never allowed Georgina to open that portal. I would’ve stayed in Colchester and finished my life with Ben by my side. We would’ve had each other, and that’s what mattered most.

To my surprise, a soft voice echoes from behind me. “Are you all right? You seemed kind of upset back there.”

I don’t move. It’s Ben, but not my Ben. “No,” I eventually reply, which is true.

“Do you maybe . . . I don’t know . . . want to take a walk, or something? I don’t think lying on the ground will accomplish anything.”

“Not really,” I mumble.

He sighs overdramatically. “Get your ass up, Princess.”

My eyes widen in disbelief; that’s something the old Ben would say. I roll over and stare up at him, but the expression on his face is tough to decipher, void of any emotion. “What did you just say?”

As I sit up slowly, Ben extends a hand. I slide mine into his, and he yanks me upward in one swift motion. He glances over his shoulder, then stares at me, eyes shining. I barely have time to register what he might be thinking before he slams his lips against mine. As he slides one arm around my waist, he squeezes me against him, our bodies flush. Languorous warmth heats my skin, spreading from my head to my neck to my fingertips, and down my legs to my feet and toes. I fully surrender—mind, body, and spirit. This is what I wanted: my glorious, maddening, beautiful Ben.

He pulls away so quickly, it takes me a moment to register our mouths aren’t joined any longer.

“Candra,” he murmurs against my forehead, “I thought I might’ve lost you forever.” He hugs me tightly, planting warm, delicate kisses all over my face. “The past three weeks have been the longest of my life.”

I smack his chest. “Why didn’t you say something? The way you looked at me . . .” I shake my head, fresh tears welling in my eyes.

He tips my head back using one finger. “Like I could pretend we know each other. How awkward would that be for everyone back there?” He gestures toward the house. “Worse, how would we have explained it?”

I make a half-assed attempt at chuckling, but instead, it sounds like I’m snorting through a mucus infestation. “Beth already thinks I’m nuts, because I was asking about people who live around here, including Jana and Blake’s families, and yours. You should’ve seen the look she gave me.”

“Ethan’s not in this world,” Ben says, his voice overflowing with sorrow. He barely utters the words as he glances away. I can’t imagine the pain he must feel over the loss of his brother.

Hugging him firmly, I say, “I heard, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“Ah, it’s okay. It’s not like we can change the past anymore, right?” He tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“We’re not werewolves anymore, either,” I say, then explain the conversation I had with my parents and relatives.

Ben just shakes his head and replies, “I guess Georgina was true to her word and reversed the spell on our ancestors.”

“I guess so. Good for her, then.” I watch Ben stare off toward the forest beyond us, and I know what he’s thinking, even without the ability to read his mind: he misses the freedom. “We’ll get through this,” I tell him.

Grasping my chin with his fingertips, he brings my lips to his for a brief kiss. “Of course we will; we have each other.”

The back door opens and closes. “We better get back. I’m sure they’re coming to check on us.”

“Remember,” Ben says, “pretend like we’ve never met before now.”

“Well, in that case . . .” I wiggle out of his embrace and extend my hand. “Nice to meet you, Benjamin Conway. My name is Candra Lowell.”

Being the dork that he is, Ben bends over at the waist, bringing my hand to his lips. “At your service, milady.”

I can’t help but laugh.

“Candra, is everything all right?” Beth’s voice reverberates through the forest.

“We’re fine!” I shout, jerking my hand out of Ben’s grasp. “We’ll be there in a minute!”

She comes into view through the trees, her arms folded at her chest. “Okay, I just wanted to let you know dinner’s ready, if you plan on eating.”

I respond, “I do.”

This seems to pacify Beth, because she smiles and turns on her heel, strolling toward the house. As soon as she slides the back door closed, Ben and I make our way out of the forest. My stomach is in knots once again—a conglomeration of fear and nervousness. This time, however, it’s not that I’m fearful of what the future holds, or that I’m nervous things won’t turn out the way they did in the past; it’s that I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the one after that. It’s that nothing is as it was, and we can never get those moments back.

But we can make new memories in this lifetime, with old friends and old family members. At least Ben and I have each other. Even after all we’ve been through, he’s still my Ben.

I lightly clutch his arm so he stops next to me. “I have something I need to tell you.”

He smirks. “Let me guess . . . you’re dying to kiss me again.”

Flustered, I reply, “Well . . . um . . . no, that’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

One of Ben’s eyebrows rises questioningly. “Then, what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, I attempt to minimize the storm raging in my stomach by packing my emotions into a tight corner, where they’ll stay. I squeeze my eyes shut, then open them. Looking up at Ben, I see the concern behind his, though they currently attempt to display some humor. I have no choice but to get this over with, and I want to do it as quickly as possible.

So, instead of standing here and fumbling over the words in my head, I blurt, “I’m pregnant.”