But as the shouting grew and the baby screamed, my own anger replaced my fear. Like a geyser, pressure built inside of me, boiling with the heat of the cacophony all around—like the power of the Range caldera. I was ready to erupt.
“Stop!” I wrested myself from Sam’s grip and climbed onto a chair. “Enough!”
They all stared—birthing assistants, observers, and Soul Tellers—and I imagined geyser steam wafting through the room, stunning them into silence. Only the baby cried, and then Lidea put him on her breast.
Silence.
Oops. Everyone was looking at me.
On the bed, Lidea cradled the baby to her. Sweat dripped down her temples, and her skin flushed bronze. The room smelled of salt and copper and other things I couldn’t identify.
I focused on the geyser feeling, how furious I’d been about everyone scaring the baby, threatening to kill him as if he were some kind of monster.
They would not hurt him. I wouldn’t let them.
“I was led to believe that you were all rational people who knew how to behave around an infant.” My voice shook. So much for being strong like a geyser. “If you want to yell, do it outside. This isn’t the place.”
No one moved; I wasn’t sure this was better than the yelling.
“If not for the baby, please show a little consideration for Lidea. Or don’t you care about her anymore?”
That shamed a few people into slinking out of the room. I stayed on my chair as they passed.
“Anyone else?” I mimicked an angry expression Li had always used to force me to confess when I’d been listening to music. It seemed to work, though I felt more like a chipmunk addressing a room full of wolves. “We’re here to celebrate a birth. If you can’t do that simply because he’s a newsoul, you’re welcome to leave.”
More people left. More than before. A few had the decency to look ashamed. I didn’t bother hiding my disgust for any of them.
Across the room, Merton stood there with his arms crossed, his face crimson and contorted with rage. He stalked toward me.
Everyone watched, and Sam eased toward my chair, but when Merton reached me, he just glowered and walked around me—to the door.
I tried not to let my relief show. If he’d attacked me, there’d have been little my friends could have done. Merton was huge. And strong.
But he was gone for now. I focused on breathing, and trying not to crumple under the stares of birthing assistants, observers, and friends. Most of the hostile people had gone ahead of Merton, so why did my heart speed up now? Surely I should have been able to say something coherent in front of people who didn’t completely hate me.
“I believe the tradition is to welcome newborns.” Welcome them back, anyway. But this one hadn’t been here before. He was like me. Newsoul. “I’ll go first.” I ached for him, this unnamed child facing an existence like mine. At least he wouldn’t be the only one.
Sam offered a hand to help me off the chair, and I accepted. The last thing I needed was to fall on my face.
As I approached Lidea’s bed, I imagined what the scene must have been like when Li gave birth to me, and the Soul Tellers announced I wasn’t anyone. There’d probably been fewer people in the room. And all of Ciana’s friends would have been there.
Ciana, whom I’d replaced.
I doubted anyone had welcomed me to the world.
I stopped by Lidea’s bed. Someone had pulled sheets all around her and wiped sweat off her face, though her skin remained flushed with heat and anger and the labor of birth. Black hair hung in tendrils over her shoulders; the baby’s hand reached upward at nothing, losing his fingers in the tangles.
Sam stood next to me, and everyone else queued behind him. Except Wend, Lidea’s partner; he didn’t leave her side.
I searched for the right words, but what did you say to someone who’d had a newsoul? Apologizing seemed wrong, because this wasn’t bad, and I’d had nothing to do with it. The only thing that made me sorry was knowing how much everyone already hated him.
“Thank you.” Lidea’s smile was strained. “For making them stop. For making them leave.”
“I couldn’t let them continue.” What if they’d hurt him? He was tiny, all splotchy red and brown skin, and his face scrunched up with the stress of being born.
She lowered her eyes. “The idea of having a newsoul—it was terrifying. And”—her voice caught with the confession—“humiliating. But holding him now, I’m glad he’s here. I love him completely.”
My throat tightened from choking back tears. “He’s lucky to have you.”
“I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he’s happy. I’ll keep him safe.”
So would I. “I’d like to welcome him. Will you name him?”
“I thought about naming him after you, in honor of your standing up for him.” Her eyes were only for the baby. She didn’t see the way my mouth fell open. “But that would be confusing, and I don’t want to start a trend of all newsouls being Ana.”