“No,” I admit. “There hasn’t exactly been a wealth of opportunity. Apart from Crescentia—and now S?ren—the Kalovaxians rarely show me any kindness. Certainly no romantic interest.”
The Kaiser’s leering grin surfaces in my mind and I can hear the Kaiserin’s words echoing. I’ve seen him look at you….He isn’t exactly subtle, is he? But whatever that is, it isn’t remotely romantic. It’s something else that congeals in the pit of my stomach like rotten milk. I must look as queasy as I feel, because Heron laughs again.
“Come now, kissing the Prinz won’t be that bad, surely,” he says.
“I don’t know,” Artemisia adds tersely. “I wouldn’t want the first person I kissed to be the son of the man who ruined my country. I’d want to vomit, too.”
“He’s not,” Blaise says, his voice so quiet I don’t understand him at first.
“You can’t really be defending the Kaiser, Blaise,” I say, sinking onto my bed and flopping back to look at the canopied ceiling. “Artemisia’s summation is, if anything, frightfully kind.”
Blaise clears his throat. “No. I’m saying that it won’t be your first kiss.”
It takes a moment for the words to make sense and another for me to understand exactly what he’s talking about. It was so long ago all I really remember is the garden in full bloom, Blaise’s rounder, unscarred face, and curiosity. I prop myself up on my elbows and look in the direction of Blaise’s wall, wishing I could see his face now. It hardly seems fair that he can see mine. Is he blushing? His face used to get bright red when he was angry, but I don’t know if I ever saw him embarrassed.
“That doesn’t count,” I tell him.
“What doesn’t?” Artemisia asks.
Blaise doesn’t answer her, so I do. “When we were younger—five or so—we saw other people kiss, you know, in the gardens and at banquets. Astrea wasn’t nearly so prudish before the Kalovaxians invaded. And…well…I suppose we decided to try it out for ourselves—”
“No, doesn’t count,” Artemisia says before I can finish.
“A kiss is a kiss,” Blaise mutters.
“Spoken like someone who’s never had a real one either,” she says with a snort.
“All right,” Blaise says, and I can almost hear the scowl in his voice. “Enough idle talk. Artemisia, you have your meeting with the Kaiser tonight, and with Theo’s present, it should be easy enough to get through.”
“I could do it in my sleep,” she says. “I’ll just tell him that Theo—I mean Thora—is being a good little girl and not doing anything terribly interesting. Should be over quickly.”
“After that, I need you to sneak down to the cypress grove and meet with your mother—see if she’s made up her mind. You know how she can be. If she’s going to beat the Prinz to Vecturia, she’s going to need to leave tonight at the latest.”
“My mother’s ship is faster than any Kalovaxian vessel,” she says with a sniff.
“And she’ll have farther to go if she’s going to warn all of the islands. I’d rather not take chances. Heron, can you use the Air Gems to make yourself invisible?” he asks.
“Easily,” Heron says.
“Good. Why don’t you explore the castle tonight? See what you can overhear.”
“Finally,” he says with a loud exhale. “No offense, Theo, but this room is too small for me.”
“No offense taken,” I assure him.
“While you’re out, Artemisia, can you get Theo a dagger? Something thin and light that can be concealed easily?” Blaise continues.
“Of course I can,” she says, sounding almost offended that he had to ask.
“If either of you isn’t back by sunrise…” He trails off. I wait for him to finish. What is he going to do? Send people after them? Go looking himself? He doesn’t seem to know either, because after a moment, he sighs. “Just be back by sunrise.”
“Yes, sir,” Heron says. Artemisia echoes him, a beat later and far more sarcastically.
There’s a shuffling and the sounds of the stone doors sliding open and closed. Soft footsteps echo down the hall in opposite directions. And then it’s only Blaise and me, and I am acutely aware of his presence. I can almost hear his breathing, his heartbeat.
“You don’t have to go through with this,” he says after a moment. “Say the word, Theo, and I’ll take you out of this place. We can sail far away from here, make allies, gather forces, and attack when we know we’re strong enough.”
It’s a tempting offer, but I shake my head.
“Have you heard of Goraki?” I ask. His silence tells me he hasn’t, so I continue. “It’s a small country east of here, smaller than Astrea. Or it was. That’s where the Kalovaxians were before they came to Astrea. They don’t talk about it much; I suppose most of them have all but forgotten its name by now. Crescentia remembers it a bit, though, and she’s told me some things. It’s where she was born—where the Prinz was, too, I’d expect. Cress said they didn’t have any magic, but they were known for the quality of their silks. So the Kalovaxians came and they conquered, just like they did with us. They enslaved the people they didn’t outright kill and made most of them harvest silk to sell around the world until there was nothing left to sell. When they left, they set fire to everything they could and found somewhere new to drive to ruins. They found us.”
“Theo…,” Blaise starts.
“They know what they’re doing, Blaise,” I say, my voice shaking. “They’ve done this to other countries—more countries than I can name. And they’ll do it to us. Goraki lasted ten years. How long do you think we’ll last before the mines run dry and we become worthless to them?”
He doesn’t answer.
“My plan is a good start. You know it is and you know it can work, and if it does, the Kalovaxians will be divided, fighting each other until another royal family comes out triumphant. When we put together an army and attack, they’ll be the weak ones. It’s our best chance, and it might be the only one we get.”
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I wonder if he’s going to argue. “I’m coming in,” he says instead.
I don’t protest. I don’t really want to. Dangerous as it is, having him near me is also reassuring. When I can see him and touch him, I’m somewhat more confident that he isn’t something a mad part of me made up.
I can hear him slip from his guardroom, his sword clattering to the floor and his heavy boots stumbling over the stone floors. My door creaks open as he comes inside. I have no lock, but he closes it firmly behind him before turning to look at me.
“You’re hiding something,” he says.
I’m hiding so many things. The Kaiserin’s warning, my growing feelings for S?ren, the genuine nature of my friendship with Crescentia. Even if I wanted to tell him what was wrong, I would have no idea where to begin. It’s easier for both of us if I keep lying.
I give a shaky laugh. “I’m just worried. Can you blame me for that? I feel like I’m balancing on the edge of a cliff and even a slight breeze will push me over.” He opens his mouth and I know he’s going to offer to pull me out again. I’m not sure I’ll be able to say no twice. “I have it well in hand, though. You’ve seen it yourself. They all underestimate me and they won’t see it coming until my knife is buried in their backs.”
When we were children, we would play a game where we would each pinch each other on the soft underside of our arms to see who would react first, who would cry out or pull away or even blink. This feels like that. Which one of us will show our fear first? It won’t be me. I hold his gaze and set my jaw, trying to radiate a confidence that I don’t feel.
He sighs and drops his gaze. “You’re doing well, but I can’t help but think that if Ampelio were here, he would flay me alive for agreeing to this plan. I promised him I’d keep you safe, not send you into the arms of the enemy.”
“S?ren was your idea, Blaise, and it was a good one.” I hesitate, focusing on the wall behind him. If I look at him, I’m sure he’ll see my secrets laid bare. “He’s not his father. He isn’t cruel.”