I shook it and I couldn’t help but feel like I’d made a deal with the devil.
Sara walked us to the door, and I didn’t say anything the entire way. She said very little, but at the door she told us both to be careful. She hugged Loki, and it looked like she wanted to hug me, but I wouldn’t have let her.
Loki and I went out to the car, and I refused to even look at him. When we got in the car, I stared out the window, and he started in.
“Wendy, when I agreed to it, it was before I knew you,” Loki said.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Wendy.”
“Just drive,” I snapped.
He sighed but said nothing more, and the car pulled away from the Vittra palace.
I should’ve felt more relief. I’d gone to talk to Oren, and I’d gotten what I wanted. Oren hadn’t killed either of us, which had actually been a very real possibility, and I’d bought more time for my people.
I didn’t even realize how much I’d cared about Loki until I found out it had all been a lie. Loki had just been following orders, and in a weird way I didn’t blame him for that. But I still felt like a foolish idiot, and I don’t know why he’d continued to play games with me even after he’d left the Vittra.
What hurt the most is that I had been tempted. The night that Loki had come for me in the garden, I had been tempted to run off with him. I even felt bad for turning him down. I’d been afraid that I’d hurt his feelings.
But it had all been a lie.
I kept twisting my wedding ring and refusing to cry. I suppose this is what I deserved for cheating on my fiancé, for wanting to cheat on my husband. Regardless of what kind of marriage Tove and I had, that didn’t justify whatever I had been feeling for Loki.
This could serve as a wakeup call. I should be concentrating on saving my marriage and my kingdom. Not some stupid boy.
“I am sorry,” Loki said after we’d been driving for an hour or more. I didn’t respond, so he went on, “I never meant to hurt you. I know I shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place.”
I stared out the window. I hadn’t even looked at him since we left.
“Wendy,” he sighed. “Wendy. You have to talk to me. At some point, you’ll have to talk to me again.”
“I don’t have to do anything,” I said. “I got you out of there alive. I did my part.”
“I am sorry, Wendy!” Loki yelled. “But I did what I had to do. Alright? And it was before I knew you, and you didn’t even get hurt.”
“I didn’t get hurt?” I laughed darkly. “Thank you for telling me how I feel.”
“No, I meant the King didn’t get you.”
“But what if I had gone with you?” I asked, and I turned to him with tears in my eyes. “When you told me to marry you, if I’d agreed, you would’ve taken me back to him.”
“No,” Loki said. “I wouldn’t have. When I asked you to run away with me in the garden, I meant it. I wanted you to run away with me.”
“I don’t believe you,” I said and wiped at my eyes. “I can never trust anything you say again.”
“This is such bullshit.” He shook his head, and abruptly he pulled the car over and put it in park.
“How is this bullshit?” I yelled. “You’re the one that lied to me! You tricked me!”
“I never tricked you!” Loki shouted. “I never lied! Everything I have ever felt for you has been real!”
“Stop, Loki! You can stop! I know the truth now!”
“No, you don’t!”
“I can’t do this.” I shook my head. “I won’t do this.”
I had nowhere else to go, so I got out of the car. We’d travelled far enough so that we were in snow again, and I stepped barefoot into the cold. The stretch of highway was deserted, and empty cornfields went for miles.
“Where are you going?” Loki asked, jumping out of the car after me.
“Nowhere. I need fresh air.” I pulled my cloak tighter around me. “I need to be away from you.”
“Don’t do this,” Loki begged and walked after me. “You only heard it from him. You don’t know what really happened. You have to listen to me.”
“Why?” I asked, turning to face him. “Why should I listen to you?”
“He would’ve killed me. He executes everyone who doesn’t follow orders. I had to obey. When you came to the palace, he saw the way we interacted, and he thought he could use it against you. That you would fall in love with me.”
“I will never love you,” I said bitterly, and he winced.
“I’m only telling you what the King thought,” Loki said carefully. “So he told me to get you to willingly come back with me, and I said I would. Because I didn’t have a choice.”
“I understand that,” I said. “I really do. And I can even forgive that. But why didn’t you tell me when you broke down my door begging for amnesty?”