"Let go of my hands," she told him.
"But if the magic-"
"I know." She stopped him with the fingers of one hand pressed against his lips. "But we need to know what happens if we do. There may come a time when it is necessary, when we have to fight. Let's test it now, while we're alone and safe."
He hesitated a moment, then did as she asked, releasing her other hand. Nothing changed. The magic continued to envelop them, cloaking them like forest mist in twilight, the swirling gray unchanged.
Ryer Ord Star put her hands in her lap and rocked back on her heels, facing him. "You told me your secret, Ahren. I will do the same for you. I will tell you mine. If you want to hear it."
There was a darkness to her words that frightened him, a promise of something unpleasant. "You don't have to tell me anything unless you want to."
"I know."
He waited a moment, then nodded. "All right."
She lifted her chin slightly, as if facing up to something she did not want to, a confession of truths she would just as soon avoid. The gesture was a telling one, defiant and brave. It made Ahren feel something for her that hadn't been there before. Respect, perhaps. Admiration.
"I'm not what you think I am," she began, holding his gaze. It seemed to him that she was forcing herself to look at him. "I'm not what anyone thought I was. I came on this journey for more reasons than one. When Walker came to find me, I already knew he was coming. I had been instructed to go with him when he did. My purpose was to act as seer, but not only that-not even primarily that. My purpose in coming with you was to spy for the Ilse Witch."
She waited to hear Ahren's reaction, but he was too surprised to respond.
She smiled bitterly. "You look stunned. Don't you believe me? It's true. I was a spy for the Ilse Witch from the day Walker came to see me and for many years before. I sold myself to her long ago. It wasn't difficult at all, really. It happened like this. I was born with the sight, and I knew I had it from an early age. I could see the futures of those around me, sometimes in detail, sometimes just bits and pieces. I was an orphan raised by caregivers who took in strays like myself. They were kind to me, but they thought me strange, and indeed I was. I told no one of my gift, for I understood right from the start that to be different was to be dangerous in the eyes of many. I kept my gift a secret and tried to forget it was there. That was impossible to do, of course. It grew even worse when I discovered, quite by accident, that I was an empath, as well, and could heal physical and emotional wounds by touch. I didn't discover that gift until later, but once it was revealed, I had to leave my caregivers and find a place where no one knew me.
"I was twelve years old when I came to Grimpen Ward with a band of Rovers. They took me in because that is the way of Rovers, and they saw no harm in seeing me safely to my intended destination. They thought me strange, as well, but they left me alone. In Grimpen Ward, I sought out the Addershag. She was the reason I had gone there. Everyone knew she was the most powerful seer in the Four Lands, and I hoped that she would take me in and train me. I did not know she had never taken an apprentice. I did not appreciate the enormity of what it was I was seeking to accomplish.
"She set me straight quick enough. She turned me away without taking even a moment to consider what I was asking of her. I was devastated but I refused to give up. I stayed outside her door, waiting for her to change her mind. I stayed there for two months. Finally, she invited me to come in and sit with her. She tested me, asking me to do different things. When I finished doing what she wanted, she nodded and said I could stay. That was all. I could stay.