When air pressed around them a short while later she sighed in frustration. Baluka squeezed her hands and smiled.
“Don’t worry. You’ve not grown up among sorcerers travelling between worlds every few days, so many concepts are new to you. Even if you had succeeded today, there is more to learn before you can travel quickly and safely–if there wasn’t we wouldn’t need to find you a teacher. We’ll just have to start by teaching you more of the basics of using magic.”
More? Rielle quashed a sigh. Just how tainted must I become?
“Now?” she asked.
He looked at the distant house and shook his head. “No. My family will be here soon and I am also supposed to start teaching you to hide your thoughts.” His gaze returned to her and he began to chew on his lip. “There are two ways to do this,” he said. “The slow, kind way and the fast, cruel way.”
She frowned. “I’m guessing that you only need to tell someone this if you’re planning to use the fast, cruel way.”
He grimaced in apology. “We are in a bit of a hurry.”
“What is so awful about it, then?”
“I tell you to think of something you don’t want me to see in your mind. Something embarrassing, or that you regret.”
At once a memory rose of the corrupter’s hand on her belly and the pain that followed. She had nearly thought of this a few times since joining the Travellers, but had managed to distract herself in time.
Baluka’s eyes widened and he looked away, but it was too late. He knew. I cannot bear children. But that wasn’t the worst of it, she realised. That act of foolishness had only harmed herself. Would he regard her less warmly if he knew what she’d done to Sa-Gest? No! Don’t think of it. Don’t think! She took a deep breath, fixed her eyes on a nearby tree and made herself observe its strange, twisted limbs.
“I think I understand how that works,” she said.
“I’m afraid that’s not how it’s done,” he replied. “You must do more than distract yourself. You must learn to hide your thoughts. Travellers work out how to do this as children. So does anyone with magical ability who grows up around sorcerers.”
“So… how do I do it?”
“With magic, but so little you barely notice you’re using it. Reading minds is the same, and we think you weren’t able to do so before because you were in a world with very little magic.” He chuckled. “Unfortunately, it’s impossible for me to show you what I do when I block you from reading my thoughts, because I’ll have blocked you from reading my thoughts. All I can do is force you to learn this instinctively. I’ll tell you when I can no longer see your thoughts. Are you ready?”
She winced. “I suppose—”
“Why did the corrupter do that to you?” he asked.
A flash of memory rose, which she quickly pushed aside. Yet he said it isn’t not thinking. Trouble is, I’m used to stopping myself thinking about it.
“Did you want her to?” he pressed.
Yes. And no. “I was only trying to—”
“Don’t explain. Try to stop me seeing your thoughts.”
But she wanted to explain. She had only been trying to help the priests find the corrupter. And the woman had taught her how to reverse what she had done so she could… No. Don’t let him see that. She gritted her teeth. If she could sense him reading her mind somehow she would have something to resist.
“It’s not like pushing something away,” he told her. It’s like wrapping your head in cloth, he added. “So you tried to undo the damage the corrupter had done?” he asked.
With a jolt her mind returned to the day she had stood in the darkened alley and deliberately stolen magic from the Angels to—Cloth around my head. Cloth around my head. It’s a protection. A shield. She drew in magic and imagined it enveloping her mind, barring any incursion from outside or projection from within. Within she was free to–
“You did it!” Her concentration faltered at his exclamation. She was aware now of how open and vulnerable her mind felt. He smiled. “And now you’ve lost it. But you know what it’s supposed to be like, so you only have to keep doing it until it feels as natural as walking. Do it again.”
She reconstructed the block as slowly the second time, yet more easily. The awareness of her mind being open and vulnerable was uncomfortable, now that she had it. Keeping it shielded and protected became her preferred state, even if the concentration it took was tiring.
Nobody likes having to moderate what they think all the time, she mused. Though there are still plenty of events in my past I’d rather not think of.
“You’ve picked that up quickly,” he said. “Which gives us time to try something else.” As he took her hands she swallowed an objection. “Draw in air and magic.”
She sighed, did as he instructed and felt them leave the world again. He turned and looked towards the faint shape of the building.