“I wasn’t supposed to be a Mizer.” Enne took another sip of her drink. “How am I supposed to go back?”
After the things I’ve done, she added silently.
“Sometimes we’re not who we want to be because we’re supposed to be something else,” he said. She wondered if he even believed that himself.
Enne leaned against Levi’s shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her. It was a dangerously easy move to make. She felt both comfortable and restless at the same time. Daring herself further, she pressed her cheek into his chest.
“I’m supposed to be dead,” she whispered.
“That’s not what I meant.”
Enne stared at Levi’s hand, palm facing up on his knee. It would be so easy to take it. But, certainly, she’d had enough thrill for one night. Any more touching and he would know what she was feeling, and she wouldn’t be able to take it back. If he knew, if he slid his arm further down her waist, or brushed his forehead against hers, then all she would be able to say was yes.
“I can’t even make volts. My talent isn’t ‘triggered’ yet, or whatever Lola said.” She was rambling. She crossed her arms, keeping her hand a good distance away from his. “That strikes me as very unfair. Think of how rich we’d be.”
Enne bit her lip. She definitely shouldn’t have said “we.”
“That would...solve a lot of problems,” he said slowly. “But then your eyes would turn purple, and it’d be very hard to protect you, then.”
“And you would, wouldn’t you?” she breathed. These words, too, were a dare. “Protect me?”
Silence. When she looked up at him, her cheek still pressed against his shoulder, he was watching her carefully. He swallowed. “Yes.”
Enne had never truly had a friend. Lourdes was the only one who’d ever listened and advised and cared. And so she was surprised by this truth—that she had become unlikely friends with a street lord. Maybe even more than friends. When she looked at him, she saw someone invested in her search to find her mother, someone who understood the helplessness of Vianca’s stare. She suddenly realized that, if he was the one in distress, then she would rush to save him, too.
“You’re going to laugh when you hear this,” Enne started.
“I usually do—”
“When I left rehearsal today, every single person knew my name.” She fiddled with her shirt. Even after telling him the truth of her talents, this confession somehow felt more personal. Maybe because she knew it sounded absurd, even before she explained it. But still, she wanted to share it, and she knew that he would listen. “I’ve gone to school with girls my entire life who forget my existence regularly. I could walk beneath a spotlight and be mistaken for a shadow.”
“Your schoolmates were snobbish,” he said.
She shook her head. She knew it would be difficult to put into words. “It’s more than that. I stand at the back of the stage for every show. I’m marked absent when I’m the first to arrive. I introduce myself again and again, only to be forgotten.” Her breath hitched for a moment, and she quickly swallowed down her flood of emotions. She felt like she was carving herself open and laying it bare. The worst hurt in the world was the kind you grew to accept. “That’s the reason I began to doubt. Not because of Lourdes’s lies or how easily I’ve picked up acrobatics. But because I have never impressed anyone—not ever. But since I arrived in New Reynes, people have seen me.”
“You impress me every time I’m with you.” Levi said it so simply, as if he’d repeat those words forever without doubting them, as if those words were cheap. To Enne, they were worth everything.
Enne finished the rest of her Gambler’s Ruin. As she set down the glass, her fingers trembled. All of her conflicted emotions had left her heart as sore as her body. She could lie back down on Levi’s chest and sleep until morning.
“It’s getting late,” Levi said softly.
Enne tensed and sat up. “Oh, yes.” She hurriedly straightened out her hair. “I should go.”
“You don’t... Yes. You should.” He stood up awkwardly and picked up the glasses and the now-empty box of cookies. “You ate all of these.” He tossed the box back on the table.
“You had some.”
“Yeah. Maybe two.”
“You said they were just for me.” She stuck out her tongue.
He laughed. “I’ll have to steal more for you tomorrow from the breakfast room.”
She liked the idea of him keeping cookies here for her. It gave her more of a reason to come back.
Her guidebook had been wrong about one thing: the most dangerous part of the City of Sin wasn’t the beckoning of the card tables or the threat of the gangs. It was the allure of Levi Glaisyer’s roguish smile.
She stood up. He was in her way to the door. Standing so close, smelling like he did, looking at her like that...he was quite the obstacle.
Levi reached into the pocket of a jacket on the rack beside him. He pulled out a key, grinned sheepishly and handed it to her. “It’s a spare, to my apartment. Feel free to steal my guns anytime you want, but I’d prefer if you ask me first.”
She took the key. Like the weapons he’d offered her, it felt like a dangerous thing.
“Will you be all right?” she asked. She swallowed. She definitely shouldn’t invite herself to stay longer, not when he’d already suggested she leave. It was tactless. It was...dangerous. He was her only companion in New Reynes, and she was mistaking his help for something else. “I know you and Reymond were close.” It wasn’t fair he’d given her comfort when she hadn’t returned it. “If you need to talk more—”
“I don’t want to,” he said quickly. “I mean, not tonight. But you don’t have to—”
“Stay, I know. We can meet up again tomorrow. Six o’clock? Right after my rehearsal?”
They locked eyes, making Enne’s breath hitch. His free hand reached for hers, then dropped. “I was going to say...never mind. Yes, six o’clock is fine.”
Enne hesitated. The intensity in Levi’s gaze made her shiver. When he looked at her, he saw her. She wanted to disappear into the sanctuary of a shadow. She wanted to remain here forever just to feel his stare. But if she lingered any longer, he would guess at her thoughts. She’d already surrendered so much of herself to the City of Sin, and a kiss from Levi Glaisyer would seal the deal. Her thoughts betrayed her too easily.
She took a step back. “Good night,” she said breathlessly.
He licked his lips and pulled away. His poker face, as always, revealed nothing. “Good night.”
DAY FIVE
“The South Side may seem safer, reader, but remember—some monsters wait until your guard is down to bare their teeth.”
—The City of Sin, a Guidebook: Where To Go and Where Not To
ENNE
Now in possession of a key, Enne let herself into Levi’s apartment. It was ten minutes early than their planned meeting time, but Enne had come anyway, anxious from sitting around her apartment after rehearsal with nothing to do but fiddle with her token.
She heard a shower running. She leaned against the bathroom door, feeling both embarrassed and bold. “I was thinking about what you said about oaths,” she said, hoping she was loud enough for him to hear. “And I have questions. I read the rest of my guidebook, and I can’t find anything about them or why they work.”
The water turned off, but Levi didn’t answer.
“How often do I need to see Lola to make the oath last? Can she tell someone that she’s sworn an oath to me, even if she doesn’t say anything about what I am? Should I be worried—”
The door swung open, and Enne nearly fell backward.
“What oath?” a male voice asked.
She turned around and gaped. Jac was standing in the bathroom, wearing nothing but a silver Creed necklace and a towel wrapped around his hips. His blond hair dripped down his neck and chest, and Enne saw that his sleeves of black tattoos continued up his shoulders, laced down his stomach, and even grazed his hip bones. On the underside of his elbows, there were several sets of scars—bumpy, but long faded.