“Norah.” His lips twisted into a devious smile. “I need you to make your first attempt at calling to the shadows. If you get it right, I will answer any question you have for me. Any question.”
My heart raced. I definitely had some questions, alright, but I didn’t think I would have the guts to voice them out loud. For one, I was desperate to know if he felt this same strange exhilaration when he was around me. Did his skin spark, just like mine did? Did his mind get consumed by the scent of crackling leaves and rich, damp earth?
“I’ll try,” I managed to whisper.
Rourke took just the slightest of steps back, enough that my trembling hand now fell to my side. For a moment, I found it impossible to focus on the task at hand. My feet itched to erase the distance between us again. All it would take was one small step, and I’d be back within his gravitational pull, one so strong that not even the largest rocket could pull me away.
The shadows, Norah. That’s why we’re here. Save the realm, live happily ever after. Remember?
With a deep breath, I closed my eyes. I tried to recall how I’d felt back in the chaos of the Feast of the Fae. I let my mind replay the images in my head. The screaming changelings. The darkness that swirled in the Autumn fae’s eyes. And then I opened my eyes, focusing my gaze on Rourke’s face. The shadows that clung to his chin, the darkness that curled underneath the bottom curve of his lips.
A strange sensation tiptoed down the back of my neck, something almost akin to unease. A sickly fear twisted in my mind, and strange horrible thoughts began to dance through my head. Grief consumed me, though grief for what I didn’t know.
Rourke’s eyes widened just a hint, enough to let me know that I’d done something, even if I wasn’t entirely sure what it was just yet.
“Well done, Norah. Now, let go.”
I closed my eyes to block out his face and the shadows I’d collected from his skin.
Instantly, that eerie sensation flickered away, but in its place, an intense weariness settled into my bones. I felt...absolutely destroyed. As if I’d run an entire marathon without a single drink of water. And my mind echoed with a horrible sadness.
Knees wobbly, I opened my eyes. Rourke’s strong arms encircled my waist, and he gently eased me to the ground.
He settled in beside me, curling a finger under my chin and searching my eyes. “It seems your power comes with some unintended consequences. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I said, breath shaky in my lungs. “Just...exhausted, really. I feel like I could use a really long nap.”
He gave a curt nod. “We’ll try again after you’ve rested. Would you like my help getting to your quarters?”
“Not so fast there, buddy,” I said, shooting him a weak grin. “We had a deal. I make progress. You answer a question.”
He let out a low chuckle. “You’re too weak to stand, but that doesn’t matter as much as picking my brain. Go on, then. What would you like to know about me, Norah?”
Everything.
Chapter Eight
The intensity of my training ramped up another notch after that. We worked at it all throughout the next night. At first, I found it as draining as I had the first time around, but I kept my mind firmly focused on the good things, the happier things, the parts of my world and my life that brought light into my life.
The sadness still sank deep within my bones, but focusing on Rourke helped me ignore it. We kept our game going, and I found myself eager to hear the next insight into his life.
“You once said you joined the Autumn rebels,” I said, the question flowing from me without hesitation. “Why?”
A pause. “I hoped to see the realm return to what it once was.”
“What was it about the realm before that you loved so much?” I asked him as I swiped the sweat off my brow. “Was it just because Queen Marin was a better ruler?”
“Objectively, Queen Marin was a better ruler. Subjectively...well, obviously not everyone agreed.” Rourke smiled. “It was not just Marin though. It was all of us, all the fae. We were better than we are now, though some say it’s because she brought out the best in us, and now our rulers bring out our worst.”
“Better how?”
“Ah.” He grinned. “That’s a second question.”
“Come on, Rourke,” I said in a teasing tone of voice. “I just kept myself shadowed for two full minutes, and it felt like the world was ending. How about two questions then. One for each minute.”
He let out a low chuckle. “Soon enough, you’re going to be keeping yourself shadowed for thirty minutes and more. Don’t tell me you’re going to lob thirty questions at me at once.”
I grinned. “Sounds good to me.”
“Surely you don’t even have thirty more things you want to know about me. I know I’d grow tired of listening to someone ramble about themselves.”
If he were almost anyone else, that might be true. But Rourke was an enigma that was now starting to take shape, a one-of-a-kind shape I’d never seen before. He was a contradiction of sorts. He could be calculating and cruel, but the warmth he felt toward those who truly mattered to him was as soft as a summer’s golden sun. He had a matter-of-fact way of looking at the world, but he was also intensely nostalgic about how things used to be. He was practical, but he was a dreamer. He was all those things and more.
“I want you to tell me everything about you, Rourke. You could go on for hours, and I’d never get bored.”
Rourke’s breath caught. I heard it, despite the way he cleared his throat as a way to cover it up. He strode toward me and stared deep into my eyes, his golden strands flickering underneath the torchlight. “What is it about me that you find so fascinating? I fear I’m not who you imagine me to be.”
“And yet, the more I learn about you, the more certain I am that you are exactly who I imagine you to be.”
“And who is that?” he said, the tone of his voice insistent.
I shook my head, at a loss for how to put my feelings into words. “It’s hard to explain. It doesn’t even make any sense. But there’s something about you...everything about you, really...it calls to my soul.”
A pause.
“I did agree to tell you the complete truth, though when I do I doubt you’ll feel the same.” And then his back stiffened, his expression turning dark and cold. “Before I joined the rebels, I met with them a few times. I wasn’t quite sure yet if it was a group I wanted to join. The rumors about them painted them as chaotic and violent, two things I very much am not. I tried to keep myself shadowed, to hide my movements from view. But Viola found out.”
I gasped and stepped closer, my heartbeat beginning to flicker in my chest. From the look on his face, I knew whatever he said next would be terrible. Something had happened. Something that had changed him. And for some inexplicable reason, he had now decided to share it with me.
“I’m not sure I’ve ever told you about my sister. In fact, I know I haven’t. I don’t speak to anyone about her, not even Alwyn, who knew me way back then.” Rourke’s jaw rippled, and the sorrow in his eyes was so deep that it looked as though he was drowning in it. “Kallee. She was wild and fiery. So different than most Autumn fae I’ve ever met. She loved horses. Ran in the woods with them all day long. She never tired of it, no matter how long she was out there.” A heavy sigh, and then he continued. “My relationship has always been strained with my mother and father but never with her. I’ve never loved anyone more. So, Queen Viola decided to teach me a lesson, to punish me for meeting with the rebels.”
My breath stilled in my lungs.
“She killed her.”
“Oh, Rourke.” I reached out a hand, letting it hover just above his shoulder, afraid that if I touched him, he’d flinch away. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’ve never let myself love anyone else ever since. Never let myself even care. Because I knew if I did, Viola would kill that person, too.” His haunted eyes met mine, and then he glanced away. “So, now you know the full truth. My own actions caused my sister’s death.”