Over the elevator feed he heard Erin say, “I’m tired. Let’s tell the boss we’re done for the night.”
Phoebe nodded. “After dealing with that wanker, I just want to go up to the suite and forget men exist at all. I can’t believe I left London for this.”
He wasn’t about to let her forget. He intended to make sure she knew he existed. He sighed and stepped back. He’d damn near fucked up everything. “I’m sorry.”
Ten’s green eyes were icy cold as he looked him over. “Next time you’ll be out. I’ll ship you back to Taggart and you’ll do this job from several thousand miles away.”
He deserved that. “Yes, sir.”
Ten softened marginally. “I didn’t like the way he looked at her either, but I’ve had years to get used to the idea that my sister has a job. You don’t, so you better hurry up and get with the program. And we men stick together on my team. No one’s going to mention that Murdoch here has a possessive caveman side and a dick with zero IQ.”
Hutch grinned around a licorice stick. “It’s forever our secret.”
Jesse nodded to let Ten know he was grateful. “Let me know when you’re ready for me to look through the footage.”
Hours and hours of his life would be spent sifting through the surveillance footage they’d gathered from both the security cameras and the personal equipment they’d been wearing. He’d learned that espionage was a lot like soldiering—hours of tedious, careful work, and then some shit exploded.
He stepped away and looked out over the balcony. The moon hung low, illuminating the beauty of the Persian Gulf. He felt someone step up, and there was no question who it would be. “How do you deal with it, Si?”
“Having my wife in harm’s way from time to time?”
“Yeah.”
“Mostly she’s behind a computer, but when she’s out in the field, I have to trust her. I’m almost always out in the field. She’s got to deal with that every day. Chelsea is smart and she won’t take chances she doesn’t have to. You’ve got another problem entirely.”
He knew what his real problem was. “She’s already lost one husband.”
“Exactly. I wouldn’t spend my time railing at her for scaring you. She’s doing her job. Praise her for it.”
“He touched her.”
“And she handled it.” Simon seemed determined to be the voice of reason. “She wasn’t alone. She had Erin to back her up, and for all of Erin’s foibles, she’s a damn fine agent. She wouldn’t leave a teammate in the field to save her own life. They can handle things.”
It would be easier if Phoebe was behind a desk like Chelsea, or so pregnant she couldn’t work like Charlotte. Maybe Ian had the right idea. Just keep her pregnant so he could keep her safe. Except pregnancy wasn’t exactly totally safe, and then there were kids. Kids weren’t safe. Kids were small, crazed maniacs who thought playing in traffic and eating shit they shouldn’t was fun. Then he would spend his every waking hour terrified he would lose not only Phoebe but his kids, too.
Nope. Tag was an idiot.
“Are you all right?” Simon asked.
“I was just thinking about family.”
“And it made you turn slightly green?” Simon laughed, slapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t think about it. Just do it. There are no guarantees in life except that if you waste it, you’ll regret it. Take it all—the good, the bad, the risky. This is yours and it’s all you have. Having a family is the most frightening thing in the world if you really let yourself think about it. All that pain waiting out there if you lose one of them. And still, it’s meaningless if you don’t have them. We find our families, Jesse. Some of us are lucky to find them when we’re born, but a lot of us have to look. So be grateful and welcome every single person who becomes family to you. Hold them close and yes, mourn them when they’re gone, so at the end of all of this you know you had a life.”
He took a long breath, forcing his emotions deep because he was going to do everything he could to have those troublesome, frightening children with Phoebe. Neither one of them had good parents, but it didn’t matter because he did have a family to rely on. When he had questions, he could ask Simon or Jake or Alex. His children wouldn’t be alone like he’d been. They would be surrounded by cousins who would occasionally have to help fend off office attacks if their Uncle Ten and Uncle Tag couldn’t get along.
He just had to convince Phoebe it was worth the risk.
“It doesn’t look like our night is over.” Hutch pointed to his computer screen as Jesse turned back around. “Who is that, boss?”
Ten stepped up behind them. “Can’t tell. Do we have a better camera angle?”
Hutch hit a couple of buttons, grimacing. “Nah. I don’t have anything that picks up his face. Phoebe and Erin were moving toward the elevators when he stopped them.”