“Yeah, which is why no matter what happens, your ass is not going back to Wyoming. So what would we look for? You’re the expert here, Murdoch. We’re going to follow your lead.”
Ten nodded in agreement. “I’ll open my files. See what you think. There are psych assessments in there. I’m using my authority to give you eyes only clearance. Do you understand?”
“Don’t talk about anything I read in those files. Got it.” He was surprised that Ten would offer to let him look at the files. “The last thing I expected to get was top secret clearance.”
Ten stared at him for a moment before speaking. “I was wrong about you. I was angry with you about…”
Phoebe slapped her hand against the desk. “Tennessee!”
“No. I’m telling him because you won’t. Damn it, Phoebe. This is not some secret to hoard. You think you can bring him back if you don’t tell anyone? You think you can make all this less real if we don’t talk about it? I’m your brother and I was his brother, and I am not going to keep quiet anymore. I’m not going to hide and pretend like it didn’t happen.”
“I can’t believe you would do this.” She stood and after a second, stalked out of the room.
What the hell was that about? “Does this have something to do with her husband?”
“It has to do with Jamie and you deserve to know the truth. You deserve to know why I hated you for so long.”
“Do you hate me now?” He hadn’t liked the look on Phoebe’s face as she’d left the room. It had been a punch in the gut. Whatever Ten was going to tell him meant the world to her.
Ten shook his head. “I was irrational. You’re not the man I thought you were.”
He wanted to know. It was an ache in his gut. The truth was right there. He would know why the Agency had it in for him. And knowing would hurt her. She didn’t belong to him. She didn’t want to. It was all right to choose himself over her. It was logical. He couldn’t do it.
“Don’t say another word, please. If me being in the dark brings her peace, then I don’t need to know.”
“You have the right.”
“Does it affect this operation? Will me not knowing potentially hurt someone?”
Ten shook his head. “No.”
“Then let it lie. It’s enough to know this bad blood between us can be over.” He looked at the door where Phoebe had disappeared. “You should go talk to her. Tell her I didn’t want to know. I don’t want her to feel bad.”
“What happened between the two of you?” Ten asked, standing up. “I know it’s none of my business, but it’s obvious something went wrong. She wasn’t comfortable with you and she always is.”
“It just didn’t work out.” God he ached, but he’d learned not to let it show.
“She hurt you,” Ten said.
“How do you know I didn’t hurt her?”
“Because I’ve come to know you and you wouldn’t hurt her to save yourself. Damn it. She might not understand it, but you’re good for her. She needs you.”
Jesse shook his head. “She doesn’t. She needs him. She loves him. There’s no place for me.”
“I’m sorry, Jesse. She’s going to regret it in the end. I’ll go talk to her.” He reached into a briefcase and pulled out the files. “I was going to have you look at them even before you figured it out. You’re a good operative, Murdoch. I would be proud to have you on my team.”
“You would be dead because you’re not poaching anyone else,” Tag swore.
Ten gave him a little salute. “I’ll remember that. Go over those files with Murdoch for me.”
“Does that mean I’ve got my clearance back?” Tag asked.
“You never lost it,” Ten admitted. “I never took you off. I always hoped we could work something out. Now I hope I can make my sister see reason. I always was an optimist.”
Ten closed the door behind him.
“You okay?” Tag asked as he divided up the files
He was hollowed out. He was empty. “I’m good.”
“That’s what I like about you, Murdoch.” Tag handed him half the files and they got to work. “No matter what, you say you’re good. Just know we’re here for you. All of us. If you need to talk, I got Alex on speed dial.”
That was his boss. The good thing was, he wasn’t much of a talker so he and Big Tag could get along. “I’d rather you just got me a beer.”
Tag slapped him on the shoulder. “You’re my favorite. I’ll be right back. We’re getting this solved, Jesse. And if you want my two cents, she’s an idiot. I’ll get us both a beer and we can figure out which one of these boys is a crazy asshole who we’re going to take out a little rage on.”
He stepped out of the room and Jesse stared at the door. He was damn glad that he still had his family. He was glad he’d done his job and he didn’t need to leave.
But the most important door had closed, too, and he was fairly certain Phoebe wouldn’t open it again.