“The truth is she is a killer, Black Chess’s favorite.”
“The truth is she is a lifesaver who stood in Black Chess’s way many times,” the Pillar countered. “Even the timeline suggests what I’m saying is true. Once she was evil, now she is a hero. Let it go.”
“You’re trying to fix a broken soul because you can’t fix yourself.”
“I’m immune to insults, Fabiola. Try something else.”
“You want something else?” She stepped forward, locking eyes with him. It was the moment he feared the most. But it was inevitable. “From this day on, you and your precious little devil are the Inklings’ enemies. My enemies.”
The Pillar shrugged.
“I will declare war on Alice.”
“I knew you would.”
“That’s because you know me from way back. You know who I really am. The fierce warrior that fought for the Inklings no matter what. Winning the Wonderland War is the greater cause. Not the redemption of your little mad princess.”
“Just don’t tell it to her in the face,” the Pillar said. “She really loves you. It will crush her.”
Fabiola’s face twitched. She had just confessed her love for Alice a few hours back. Now, in the blink of an eye, the tables had turned. But the Pillar knew Fabiola wouldn’t give in. She’d had a rough childhood herself. And every Wonderlander counted on her.
“Try to forgive and look ahead, Fabiola,” the Pillar said. “Even Lewis bought into my plan.”
“Which really puzzles me,” she said. “Every time I remember him hugging and advising her in the Tom Tower, or when his apparition appeared to her in the Inklings, telling her she was the hero, my mind reels.”
“It wasn’t easy for him,” the Pillar said. “When I tried to take the Lullaby pill from him in the future, he wouldn’t let me.”
“That’s because in the future he regretted letting you help her,” Fabiola said. “Come on, Pillar. Open your eyes. Can’t you see we lost the war in the future? Doesn’t that tell you that backing her up isn’t the right thing to do?”
The Pillar said nothing. He lifted one arm and tapped his left breast pocket. His yellow note hiding inside. “I have my reasons.”
“Stubborn as you always have been.” She sighed. “One of the reasons I could never love you.”
“Could is good. It means you wanted to but didn’t.”
“Listen to me,” she said. “Alice is now in the past, realizing who she really is. It’s either she finds her way back through that Wonder, or whatever that is, or she dies.”
“She won’t die.”
“Just listen.” Her knuckles whitened around the umbrella. “If she dies, then it’s all good. I can lead the Inklings to win the war against Black Chess. If she finds her Wonder and lives…”
“What happens then, Fabiola?”
“I will kill you both,” she said without flinching. He knew she meant it. And it complicated things.
The Pillar watched her walk away, almost disappearing behind the rain. “Fabiola!” he called after her.
“What now, Carter?” She stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“There is only one way to kill her.”
“What’s that?”
“You will have to kill me first.”
Chapter 58
THE PAST: ALICE’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM
Waltraud wheels me back to my cell. I stare at my immobile legs in dismay. I’m sweating out of shock. But I am not crying anymore. I’ve dried all my tears already.
“Mr. Jay wants you to rethink the Lullaby pill,” Waltraud says, sending me into my cell.
Speechless, I stare into the mirror in front of me. I’ve witnessed this scene before, only I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was mad. Turns out I’m not. I’m reliving my past in full color.
How I wish I was mad right now.
“There is no rabbit in the mirror,” I manage to say.
“There’s never been a rabbit,” Waltraud says. She whispers in my ear, “It’s always been you. We’re proud of you.”
I let out a chuckle. A painful one. A mixture of laughter and crying. Pain and pleasure. Sanity and insanity.
It occurs to me that I’m just confused. If this is my past, why am I sad? I am the Real Alice. A dark and vicious one that everyone was looking for because they feared me the most.
Why am I sad, then? I can’t escape me. Why is there a nagging part of me wanting me to be a hero?
“I’m really sorry I broke your knees,” Waltraud says. The irony. “You were under the pill’s influence. I had to stop you from escaping. I’m really sorry.”
When I raise my eyes to meet hers in the mirror, I realize she is scared of me. Now that the pill’s influence has worn off, she is expecting me to return to my real self. She thinks I will hurt her.
“I hope you don’t hold grudges against me,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me.”