Dad puts two plates of eggs, bacon, and toast down on the table.
We’re about to have a serious conversation, one I’ve not had nearly enough coffee or sleep for.
I sit down and purse my lips. This will be about Kitt, but I’m not sure if the making of breakfast means he’s accepting our relationship or he wants to soften the blow.
“Are you okay, Dad?”
He turns around but ignores my question. He sets down two mugs and the pot of coffee. Dad doesn’t cook, so this is making me nervous. Finally, when everything is on the table and he can’t waste any more time, he sits and faces me.
“This looks good,” I say.
His lips try to curve into a smile, but he can’t quite manage it.
“Are you going to start? Because there is obviously something you want to say.”
Picking up his cutlery, he clears his throat. “I understand the manner in which I deal with your news affects our relationship, so I want to get this right. Jimmy said to discuss it calmly with you. So, this is me, discussing it calmly.”
“Jimmy is wise. I didn’t ever want to lie to you, Dad, I swear. I’ve liked—loved—Kitt for two years now. When I realised that he was starting to develop feelings for me, I felt like I’d won the lottery. I still do feel like that actually. But I knew you wouldn’t like it, and I didn’t want things to be tense and awkward for everyone here.”
I take a gulp of coffee. Don’t stop now. You’re doing great.
“We were together for, what? Three weeks before you found out? And every day I lied to you, I was drowning in guilt. Kitt, too. He hated it as much as me. You’re his hero and mine.”
Dad’s eyes fill with tears. But he must have known that already, surely?
“I love you, Daddy, and I’m so sorry I wasn’t honest from the start.”
He swallows hard. “There is this huge part of your life I don’t know about. You never even told me you liked him before. Why didn’t I know this two years ago?”
“Because you were working with him, and I didn’t want my feelings to cloud your judgement. Kitt deserves everything good that’s happening to him. Can you honestly say that you would have given him a fair shot if I’d told you how I felt?”
“I thought—think a lot of Kitt, pumpkin.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I don’t know, is my honest answer.”
“You want to keep us apart, and we can’t do that.”
“You’ve been together three weeks, Texas.”
I cut off a piece of egg. “I love him. I’m sorry that it’s not been three months so that it’s easier for you to understand. I didn’t know there was a timeline for it, and even if there were, I don’t care.”
“Always doing things your way. I suppose I should be glad that you don’t follow the crowd.”
“You definitely should. You might not like all the choices I make, but at least you’ll always know that, with the ones I make, I’m sure they are right for me.”
“The bus…that was the right choice?” He grips his cutlery harder.
I swallow the food I’m about to choke on. “Oh, we are not going there. I wasn’t slutting it up with some random. I was with my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend,” Dad scoffs like it’s a dirty word.
“I’ve had one before, and you liked Xander. Hell, you like Kitt more than him, and you know it. He’s not the enemy, Dad. He wants the same thing as you.”
Okay, maybe not exactly the same. Kitt doesn’t want me to be celibate until my wedding day.
“Kitt is where I was when I was young and starting out.”
“No, Dad, not anymore. He’s changed just like you changed when I came along.”
Wow, I’m one super cockblocker.
“You think he’s ready for a serious relationship? To settle down at this age?”
“Yes, I do. I believe him. Anyone out there can sleep around. If he wanted, he could do it as a musician or a plumber. I trust him.”
“I want to believe him, Texas, but you love him, and…fuck.” He puts his cutlery down, takes a deep breath, and rubs his eyes.
Oh God, he’s not crying, is he?
“Dad?” I say slowly. My heart is thumping. I don’t want to see him cry, not ever.
“I’m okay. I don’t know if I trust him with your heart.”
“Well, I do. I might not deserve your trust right now, but please have faith that I know what I’m doing. Kitt is who I want to spend my life with, and so help me, we will be happy.”
Dad laughs and blows out a held breath. “And you’re sure you can deal with what will come next? The rumours? The time alone? The uncertainty?”
“One, I don’t care what people think. Two, I have plenty of things I can do while he’s off rocking. Three, I’m certain, just like I was when I told you that getting highlights was a bad idea.”
He rolls his eyes. “I was young.”
“Not really though, were you?”
“We’re not discussing my hair, Texas.”