Fuck. Get home before you get hard.
After tossing out some cash to cover a tip, I walk out of McGill’s Pub with CJ and Luke, the two of them talking shit about Jacobs as I glance at the phone vibrating in my hand.
I hit ignore for the second time tonight.
“I PAID FOR MY MISTAKES, Ben. I know what I did was unforgivable . . . but he’s my son. I want to see him. I have every right to see him. You can’t keep Nolan from me. And ignoring my calls? Really? Answer your damn phone. This isn’t . . .”
“Ben?”
Hearing the voice behind me, I cut off my second listen of Angie’s voicemail and lower my hand, clutching my phone and keeping my back to Mia as I try and work this bullshit out in my head.
Truth is, I don’t want to work it out. I knew this day would come, and I’m not ready for it. I’ll never be ready for it.
I feel Mia’s tits press against my back. Her hands wrap around my waist.
“Babe?”
“Angie’s out. She wants to see Nolan.”
Mia tenses, the muscles in her arms going stiff. “What?” she whispers. Her hands slowly leave my body. “Why is she out already? I thought she was supposed to get four years?”
“Good behavior,” I mumble, spinning around.
I toss my phone on the bed behind Mia and rub at my face, my breath blowing hot against my palms.
“Good fucking behavior. It doesn’t matter that she could’ve killed Nolan. That she could’ve taken my son from me. No, she’s been playing nice with the guards and doing a real good job cleaning toilets. Let’s let her out early. She fucking deserves it.”
I start pacing the room.
That night three years ago when I got the call from Rollins plays back in my mind. It stings like a fresh wound, pitting deep in my chest. I’ll never forget it. I’ll never forget how scared I was for Nolan and the unforgiving rage I felt for his mother, seeing her in the back of that squad car crying and begging for compassion, spouting her excuses to me, trying to justify shit. I didn’t want to hear her fucked up reasoning for driving drunk and high with my son in the car—blaming me. Saying I gave up on us.
She could’ve killed Nolan, and she wanted my understanding? My empathy?
Fuck her. I will never forgive that bitch. She thinks she paid for her mistakes? She thinks I owe her time with my son? I don’t owe her shit.
“What does this mean? You have full custody. Do you have to let her see him?”
I grip the base of my neck. “I don’t know. Technically, when one parent has full custody, the other has visitation. You work it out together. If you can’t, you go to court. That’s what happened when Nolan was born. Angie got full custody.”
What a fucking joke that was. She should’ve never had custody of Nolan. Never did anything with him. Never paid him any attention when he was in her care. She acted uninterested in being his mother half the time, and the other half she spent keeping my time with him as limited as possible.
“Yeah,” Mia whispers. “But this is different, Ben. She put Nolan in danger. How can they let her have any time with him?”
“Because she’s the mom. They could grant her visitation based solely on that. Maybe supervised. Maybe not. I don’t know, Mia. The only cases I know about where one parent doesn’t get any visitation with their kid at all is if there’s been a history of sexual or physical abuse. Something that extreme. I don’t know if Angie’s mistake would prevent her from getting to see Nolan. It fucking should, but if we go to court a judge could favor against me. I don’t want to risk that. There is no way in hell I’ll ever leave her alone with him. Court ordered or not, that cunt isn’t getting any privileges.”
She’s not taking my son from me. From Mia. I don’t care what I have to do. I won’t let that happen.
This is his home. His family. She doesn’t deserve to know him.
The boys scamper into the bedroom, chasing after each other and laughing.
It stops my pacing.
I look up at Mia and see the worry in her eyes, the tears building there and threatening to fall as she keeps her gaze lowered.
She doesn’t even react to the commotion in front of her.
Fuck. I’m making this all about me. I’m forgetting how much this affects her too.
Chase squeals, following a giggling Nolan out of the room and back down the hallway. Their laughter fades. I watch as Mia turns and picks my phone up off the bed and walks it over. She presses it into my hand.
“Mia.”
“You need to call her,” she says quietly, blinking and sending a tear down her face. “You have to, Ben. Work this out somehow. I’m afraid if you don’t she’ll just stop over here. I don’t want her confusing Nolan like that. It’s not fair to him.”
I grit my teeth.