They reached the sidewalk. Matt’s gaze never wavered from her face. He put Caitlin on the sidewalk, and she broke into a run. “Mommy!” she shouted. Ajax barked and raced up the walk with her.
Hannah crumpled to her knees at the word. She opened her arms, and Caitlin hurtled into them. Ajax licked her face and nuzzled in her hair. Hannah hugged Caitlin tight to her chest and slung an arm around the dog. The sweet aroma of baby shampoo still clung to Caitlin’s auburn hair. Tears rushed to Hannah’s eyes.
She looked into her daughter’s face. “Caitlin, what are you doing here?”
Caitlin pulled away. “We comed to take you home with us. You have to pack now.” She said the words matter-of-factly, as if Hannah had no say in the matter.
Matt reached her. Hannah released Ajax and rose with Caitlin in her arms. “How did you find me?”
“I overheard you talking to Gina yesterday. I made her show me your e-mails and I figured it out.”
She fell into the bottomless love in his eyes. Drowning, she fought her way to sanity. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“You shouldn’t have left.” He held out his arms for Caitlin. “She’s heavy. Let’s go inside.”
Hannah handed her daughter over with reluctance. Only then did she become aware of the subzero wind howling around her neck. Lost in his gaze, she’d felt only heat. “It’s warm inside.”
“I’m not cold, but Caitlin might be.” Carrying his daughter, he followed her inside with Ajax at his heels.
The austere surroundings brightened in the presence of the ones she loved. “Have a seat,” she said, pointing out the sofa and chairs.
He dropped Caitlin onto the sofa. “What is this place?”
“A shelter for abused women and children.” Hannah watched Caitlin’s gaze land on the toy box. The little girl glanced up at her, and she nodded. “Go ahead. You can play with them.”
Caitlin hesitated. “How is Jenny?” she asked in a voice that was too casual.
“She misses you. She’s upstairs. If you want to go up there, you can have her.”
Caitlin’s smile was as bright as the sun beating off the snow outside. “Okay.”
Matt’s gaze had never wavered from Hannah. She couldn’t look at him or she was lost. “This way.” She led them through the hall to the back stairway and up to her tiny apartment.
The living room wasn’t any bigger than a bedroom, and the only item on the coffee table was a picture of Caitlin and Matt smiling into the camera. A baby quilt nestled Jenny in the rocking chair in the corner. Caitlin ran to crawl into the chair with her doll. She took off her coat and nestled under the covering with the doll. All four cats came out to investigate. They milled around Ajax, and the dog flopped down. The cats climbed onto the dog and began to knead his fur. He wore an expression of bliss.
Hannah clasped her hands together. “Would you like some tea? I’ve got milk and cookies too.”
“Chocolate chip?” Matt asked, his eyes crinkling at the corners.
She could look at the way his dimple flashed forever. “Actually, they are,” she said. “I made them last night when the snow started falling.” She rushed past him to the miniscule kitchen. The plates rattled in her shaking hands as she took them down. When she turned around, he was standing in front of her. Close enough to touch. Close enough to kiss if she dared.
She backed up with her palms flat against the edge of the counter behind her. “It’s a little tight for two people.”
“I don’t mind.” His hands came down on her shoulders. “Look at me, Hannah.”
She didn’t dare. “I—I need to get Caitlin some cookies.”
His warm fingers lifted her chin, but she still refused to lift her gaze. His lips brushed hers. The touch she’d longed to experience. A sob burst from her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and put her heart into answering his kiss.
She’d missed him so. Longed to hear his voice, to bury her face in his neck and smell his aftershave. She’d ached for his touch. She tore her mouth away.
He tipped her chin up. “Look at me, Hannah.”
She finally dared to raise her gaze, locking it with his. “Don’t do this, Matt.” The pleading in his eyes broke her heart. She had to be strong for his sake.
He cupped her cheek in his hand. “I heard every word you said the day you left. I tried to tell you not to go, but I couldn’t get the words out. I’ve looked for you every day since you left. I need you. Caitlin needs her mommy. You can’t desert us.”
“I thought she would forget me, but she called me . . . Mommy.” Was there a more precious word in the human language? Hannah’s shields were crumbling, and she didn’t know how to shore them up.
“I’ve shown her your picture every day you’ve been gone and talked about you. So she wouldn’t forget.”
The thought of his taking the time to do that made her want to cry. “How’d you find me here in town?”
He grinned. “It took us until two this morning to get here, and I went to McDonald’s as soon as it opened in case someone there knew you. I told her you’d order an iced vanilla coffee. A woman behind the counter told me where you worked, so we came to take you home. If you can forgive me for all the lies.”
“I forgave you long ago. But I can’t come with you. Something might happen to you,” she whispered.
The light in his eyes intensified. “God doesn’t make deals like that, love. He’s never stopped loving you, just like I’ve never stopped. The forgiveness you were taught is only a shadow of what God gives. You just have to take it. Quit beating yourself up.” He pulled her close again.
Oh, if only she could believe him. But she was afraid, so very afraid. “You have to forget about me. I want only good things for you and Caitlin.”
“You were made for us. Who would love her more than her own mother? Do you want her to deal with some wicked stepmother?”
Hannah laughed, but the thought unsettled her. It was painful to imagine someone else reading her daughter a bedtime story. Or even worse, yelling at her. Her thoughts shied away from imagining Matt with another woman. But wasn’t that what sacrifice was all about? And God had honored it—here he stood, whole and strong.
“I can’t break my pact with God,” she whispered.
“‘To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice,’” he said. “Proverbs 21:3. Don’t you think it’s right to raise your own child? To love the man God created just for you?”
Could it really be that easy? Her defenses crumbled around her feet.
He gripped her shoulders in his hands. “I’m not leaving here until you agree to marry me, let me make an honest woman of you. Isn’t that justice?” His dimple flashed.
“An honest woman?”
“You don’t want Caitlin going around telling everyone you’re her mother and we’ve never been married.” His blue eyes smiled again.
A small hand insinuated itself into hers. “When are we going home, Mommy?”
Hannah looked down into her daughter’s face, then back to Matt’s. Happiness was in her reach. All she had to do was accept the good things God had sent her way. Was that so bad? Certainty enveloped her. “How about we go home right now?”
She knelt on the floor and embraced her daughter. Matt joined her with cookies in hand, and they devoured the sweetness of life together.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Dear Readers,
Many of you ask how I come up with an idea. In this case, my agent, Karen Solem, and I were talking about the Amish school shooting in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. Karen said, “I wonder what would happen if something really horrific happened and a member of the church couldn’t forgive?” The idea for Anathema evolved from her astute question.