What We Left Behind

“I don’t see why you have this double standard,” Carroll says now. “She’s too busy to come see you, but you drop everything to go see her? You missed the Village Halloween parade, you know. Thanks to you, I nearly lost my virginity about thirty different times.”


“Yeah, I’m sure my presence would’ve totally deterred you.” I take another swig from the cup. “Now stop defeating the purpose of this evening for me, please.”

“Oh? Remind me what that purpose is, again?”

“For me to not think about stuff that stresses me out.”

“Since when does talking about your girlfriend stress you out? Used to be all you ever did was talk about your girlfriend.”

“Hush.” I put two fingers over his lips. “Stop harshing my buzz, man.”

He pulls my hand away. “Okay, even I know that’s not the right lingo. Please tell me you’re not actually drunk from half a screwdriver.”

“I have ultralow tolerance. You know that.”

“Oh, right. How much did you have to eat today? Should we get some pizza before we go out?”

“I’ve eaten enough! Get off my back.”

Someone knocks on the door, and I run over to answer it. It’s Briana with Heidi and a girl I don’t recognize. All three of them are wearing really shiny shirts.

“We heard you guys talking,” Briana says. “Are you ready to go? Hey, Gretchen, you look cute.”

“Thanks.” I gesture back into the room, my arm waving wildly. “We are totally ready to go. This is my best friend, Carroll.”

Carroll waves. The girls wave back.

“It’s so cool you guys are finally coming out with us,” Briana says as if it was her idea. “How come you never said yes when we asked you before?”

“Oh, um,” I say.

During our trips back and forth to Inwood, Briana and I always talk about us all going out some night. She’s texted me a few times asking me to meet up with them, but I was always hanging out with Carroll or talking to Toni online.

“I wanted to,” I say. “I’ve just, you know, had so much going on.”

“She means me.” Carroll puts his arms around my waist from behind and nuzzles my hair. The girls laugh. “She was afraid she’d lose her lesbo street cred if you found out she was hangin’ out with a stud like me.”

“Keep up the Buffy quotes and you might earn some lesbo street cred yourself,” says the girl I don’t know. She smiles at Carroll.

Carroll lets go of me and smiles back at her. “Now who might you be?”

“I’m Rosa.” The girl puts her hand on Briana’s waist, all possessive.

I look away. I’ve done that to Toni before a million times.

“Shall we skedaddle?” Carroll says, and we do.

The bar they bring us to is so dim you have to squint at people. It isn’t as crowded as I expected. Everyone there looks old and bored. It’s a Monday and no one except me is drunk yet.

No one cards us, so we order mojitos. We gather around a table, and Carroll tells the girls stories about the drama queens in Tisch. They laugh as if they’ve never heard of such things before.

By the third round of drinks, Briana and I are telling debate stories. We’re talking about the time these two coaches from rival schools got into a screaming fight in the middle of a tournament. It got so bad they started slapping each other and had to be pulled apart. Briana and I are laughing like crazy, but the others are glaring at us. We leave them to their boring conversation and go off to a corner where we can hear each other better.

It’s even dimmer over in the corner, so we have to lean in close to see. I remind her about the time her teammate totally ran off the stage and puked in the middle of a final match, and I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. That’s when Briana puts her hand on my waist, the way Rosa did to her before, and says, “So what are we doing, here?”

And that’s the funniest thing that’s happened all night. I tip my head back and laugh at the ceiling. When I look back at Briana, she hasn’t moved. She’s got this smile that makes me nervous.

“Uh,” I say. Then I turn and see Rosa. She’s right behind us, looking over Briana’s shoulder, her face drawn. “Uh, so, your girlfriend’s, like, right there.”

Briana drops her hand and turns around. Rosa is backing away.

“Baby!” Briana says, reaching out to give Rosa a hug.

Rosa runs to the door.

“Baby!” Briana calls out again and runs outside after her.

I finish the rest of my mojito and giggle to myself.

Heidi comes over. “Was that what it looked like?”

“I have no idea,” I tell her. I motion to Carroll, who’s hanging out by our old table, looking bored, and signal for him to get me another drink. He nods and goes to the bar.

“Aren’t you going after them?” Heidi asks.

“What for?”

“You’re involved now.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not what it looked like to me.”

“What does that matter?”

Heidi shakes her head and follows the others outside.

I want to stay where I am, but after a minute I get lonely, so I go join Carroll at the bar. He puts his arm around my waist, and I sag against him. The bartender glares at us and takes someone else’s order.

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