“When was the last time you did it?” I ask.
“Not since before you showed up; I don't feel the need to. You bring me out of my darkness. When I tried to push you away, I felt the need to do it; helpless and out of control.” He walks up to me and grabs my cheeks and looks into my eyes.
“So, you won’t do it anymore?” I ask, hopeful. Shadow sighs and runs his hands through his hair back and forth before looking at me.
“I won’t do it out of the club anymore, no. What Bull and the club need of me, is out of my control,” he says. I shake my head in knowing, as my eyes sting to hold back tears.
I look up at him, and see him staring at me, needing me to accept him. I love Shadow, even if it comes with a darkness. Who am I to judge, I have dark shadows as well. Who’s to say mine aren’t as messed up as his.
“Why didn’t you trust me to tell me this sooner? Were you afraid I would run to the cops or leave you?” I question.
Shadow shrugs.
“Kind of both,” he answers truthfully.
Given my mother’s history of running off, I can see why he would get that assumption. Truth be told, if I were not completely smitten with Shadow, I probably would have run far away from him before.
I look around at the house and the clothes he bought; all paid for by blood. The blood of innocent people?
“What kind of people did you have to kill?” I ask. His jaw ticks, he’s getting frustrated with my questions.
“I don't know. I never asked why I was hired, I just did it and got paid,” he says sternly before looking at me.
“Well, there was one time I asked why. When I received my info on the hit, I saw it was on a female minor. I have never had to kill a minor.” Shadow stops and looks at me. I can tell he is uneasy about giving me this kind of information. I take his hands, so big they swallow mine, and give a reassuring squeeze.
“You can trust me,” I whisper.
“When I asked the reasoning for the termination, I was told the girl was a babysitter the family had hired since the child was born. One day the girl was caught hitting the baby. It was so bad the child was sent to the hospital. She hit that baby to make it stop crying, they said.” Shadow looks up at me, darkness swimming in his eyes.
“I took the bitch out with pleasure,” he says.
I look back at him, in understanding. If my child was hurt under someone else’s watch and was a minor looking to slide under the system for her actions, I would have hired Shadow, too.
“Don’t look at me like I’m some fucking hero, I doubt everyone I killed was in the wrong,” he says, snapping me from my fantasy.
“Look, I know it’s a lot to take in. I would understand if you wanted to leave-“
I cut Shadow off. “I’m not going anywhere,” I say quickly.
“I was going to say, if you wanted to leave, too damn bad, you’re my Ol' Lady now.” His lips come up into a sinister smirk, reminding me I am his, until he says otherwise.
We arrive at the apartment after our week of luxurious bliss and sinister truths to find it trashed and foul smelling.
“Oh, my God, what’s that smell?” I ask, covering my face with the crook of my arm.
Shadow comes in behind me without luggage and winces at the smell.
“That would be Bobby, man is a fucking pig,” he mumbles, not pleased.
“Bobby!” Shadow yells, kicking through the trash on the floor.
“Bobby!” he yells again.
“I don’t think he’s here,” I say, trying to make a path to the kitchen.
I hear Shadow growl and curse as he makes his way to our bedroom, earning a chuckle from me.
I reach under the counter, pull out a garbage bag and start picking up trash.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Shadow demands.
“Someone has to clean this up.” I answer as I pick up an empty pizza box.
“No, he’s cleaning this shit up.” Shadow walks over and rips the trash bag from my hands. “He must be at the club, let’s head over there. I’m sure Babs will need your help and the whole gang should be there. Tonight is the bike show,” he says, eyeing the apartment.
He looks over at me, “You think you can ride with your ribs all messed up?”
I look down at what I’m wearing; a shiny, gold sequined top that falls mid-thigh with black leggings and gold sandals. Not exactly something I would pick to wear for bike riding, but I've missed that feeling of freedom and I don't care to change.
“Yes, my ribs are fine!” I say excitedly.
“Good, I miss my bike,” he says, grabbing two helmets off the couch.
We head downstairs and get on his bike. Within minutes we are hitting the highway. The sun’s shining and the wind is warm. I should have grabbed my leather jacket for after the sun goes down, but I haven’t been able to find it since before our trip. I hope I left it at the clubhouse.